Sometimes small steps can be still be big

[RachelsMantra]

Hi all I just wanted to relate what I did today to reveal my CD status to a work friend for the first time. This friend is female and very progressive and sex-positive so I thought she'd make a good choice for the first friend I reveal my feminine side too. I wanted the subject to come up naturally so what did I do? Painted my nails bright pink! Otherwise I was dressed as a normal male. This was also my first time out and about in the daytime presenting at all like a woman. Some might not think painting your nails is that significant compared to going out in heels and a dress but for me it was a tiny yet significant step in the direction of being more open and public about my life as a CD.

So how did my friend react? One of the first things said said was "Nice nails!" and was very impressed when I told her I did them myself and she said they looked better than hers. That made me feel really good. I told her Ive been CDing for years and she was very open-minded and supportive. I told her I have been thinking about being more public about my CDing and she was supportive as well.

Now the next step for me is going to probably keep my nails painted for when I go into work next week. And then if I feel comfortable with that I might progress further and further as people get used to the idea that I gender bend. How far will I take it? Only time will tell but it feels good to have taken a small step in the right direction.

[Teresa]

Rachel,
I guess most are going to say that's great but exercise some caution, she may be OK with it but a bad comment will set you back to square one and leave a bitter taste !
It's also easy to forget about being more open, I walked the dog a few days ago, I was fully underdressed with forms and painted nails but it was warmer than I thought so I needed to undo my jacket and take off my gloves . I forgot about my nails and was putting the lead back on while people were walking by but had remembered to close my jacket to cover up my blouse and boobs !

[RachelsMantra]

Teresa, thanks for the comment. That's something to consider for sure but now that I am single I keep asking myself, why do I need to be cautious? If I'm dressed at home and need to go into the backyard to let my dog go the bathroom, do I really care if my neighbors see me? I keep asking myself, what's the worst that could happen? Perhaps they will snigger or talk about me behind my back but what doesn't directly affect my experience cannot hurt me. I could make myself hurt by choosing to think about what they are saying but if I ignore it how could it hurt me? They might say to themselves "Man Gary is weird - I saw him in a dress today!" but would this really hurt me? I'm not quite there yet but that's the general direction my thought processes are taking me. Most of this is being spurned on by the fact I am newly single. I can be selfish and not worry about how my actions will hurt others unlike if I was in a relationship where I had to care about my partners attitude toward CDing. Now I have the complete freedom to CD as much as I want because the only person I can hurt is myself. And my being hurt is mainly a matter of my own attitudes towards my experience not any real harm. So I have control of whether it hurts me. If I want I can choose to make being outed to my neighbors a positive experience then I can because if it happens and life moves on this will be positive reinforcement.

[KlaireLarnia]

Caution is always a good thing but I think that what you did at work is actually a smart idea in many ways. I have had people comment on my nails at work before and now they do not bat an eyelid if I have painted nails (which is not that often but sometimes I just fancy them). The only risk is if you stop off somewhere or (god forbid) something happens and other people need to assit you. As long you are comfortable in these situations then I say go for it.

If things become more obvious then you will again need to think about how to protect yourself. Good example for me is that I dress in female clothes daily. Today at work I had white jeans, calf length boots and a deep blue top, bra and forms - about normal for me on a Friday but knowing I had to go into Asda/Walmart to get something for my wife on the way home I remembered to but some more "normal" non-heeled ankle boots and a Female bomber style jacket in the car. Why? So I could put them on and partially disguise what I was wearing in Asda and avoid the weird looks you can get.

At work I can wear pretty much what I like, in public I remember to protect myself to a degree and that can be key.

Good luck I hope one day you get to where I am - where you can wear female clothes 7 days a week without any problems - because that is a truly amazing place to be. It's hard work, but worth it!

[Natalie cupcake]

That sounds like a good way to bring up that you cd by painting your nails. How long did it take you to feel safe to bring up the subject?

[RachelsMantra]

I felt pretty safe because I know this girl very well and I know she is generally very progressive and sex positive so I brought it up more or less right away when she commented on my nails. But she definitely commented right away so my strategy worked perfectly lol. It's kind of hard to not notice and people want to say something out of curiosity.

[Katey888]

Rachel - I think that is a big step so congratulations...

You are crossing some tricky boundaries with a partially feminine presentation and that's definitely not trivial when you're exposing that side of you to people who know you. There's good advice already here - Klaire in particular has lived this experience at work, but obviously everywhere is different and individuals will often surprise you - good and bad - in terms of tolerance or acceptance and their unpredictability in the face of something unusual. Just take care of any dress codes or standards of presentation at the workplace - if it's all within what your employer would consider as acceptable then the only caveat would be how you feel about your co-workers opinions... and think carefully about that, because one the pink-nailed cat is out of the bag, there will be no going back...

Thanks for sharing and do let us know what you decide...

Katey x

[JeanetteX]

Very well done Rachel...I admire your courage. I've also told a very good female friend about my CDing and got her full support. But despite that I have never had the guts to go out in any form, not even with just my nails painted. I have gone out underdressed but that doesn't count I think.

All the best with the rest of your coming out.

Jeanette

[RachelsMantra]

Update: today I took a HUGE step. I posted the following publically on Facebook along with a picture of myself dressed and in makeup.

In Peter Railton's Dewey Lecture he says "today marks another rupture for me, another time I have to act and it has to be public and I have to live with the consequences, whatever they are." In the same spirit I feel that I have to come public about something I've kept to myself for a long time, whatever the consequences. I am a crossdresser. This means that sometimes I dress and present as a woman. It doesn't mean I'm gay. It just means I like to bend the boundaries of male and female appearance.I don't know why I do it. I just do it.

So far I've only gotten love and support. Felt liberating.

[Beverley Sims]

Rachel,

That is a very large step.

I would advise caution also and not take it too quicklyleave the nails for a couple of days and then display them again.

Don't just start every day first up.

Give others time to get used to the changes.

[Brandy Mathews]

Rachel,
Way to go! Life is way too short. If you think that it would make your life better, then do it. I would love to dress 24/7 but I just can't. Maybe some day.
Hugs,
Bree

[HelenR2]

Rachel there is a fine line separating bravery and recklessness. As long as you think things through and feel relatively comfortable in what you are doing I would say go for it! Whether that means you choosing to ease into things or just jumping in at the deep end. It is your life. Carpe diem.