Transition on the job

[PaulaQ]

Well, this isn't going so well. I still have a job, so that part is way above average.

However, I've been trying, without much luck, to get my name changed on my company email and login id's.

This has proven to be more difficult than I'd have guessed. We're two months into all of this, and all of my legal / financial stuff is changed with the company. They even let me send them a new photo, since I've changed quite a bit.

They changed all that stuff, and then hit technical snags with changing my email / login.

So yesterday, I noticed that apparently for some time now, my female picture displays on outlook email right next to my old male name. I hadn't made any kind of widespread announcement, about my transition, except to my immediate coworkers. I was waiting on the change to my email / name to show up. (I hadn't gotten any ideas from HR on how they want me to handle all of this.)

Anyway, yesterday, I was staring at my new picture, right there next to my old name. And I realized a couple of things. For one thing, I feel humiliated, what a terrible way to announce my transition. I look like a total freak to someone who doesn't know what's going on. I mean, what in the hell could they even think about something like that? I have no idea about how to talk about this at work. I am very embarrassed. I work remotely, so the little picture of me in my email is all anyone sees of me.

This was also fairly triggering. After seeing it there right next to my old name, I realized that I hate my face. I've always hated it. I have felt better about it during the past year and a half, because it's softened a bit with HRT. But seeing it there right next to my old name brought all those feelings back. I still see the old me. The only person I'm fooling is myself. It is all I can do right now not to break every mirror in my condo.

I'm thinking about just selling what little I have left, and getting whatever FFS I can afford done. Really, I don't even want to be able to recognize myself anymore.

It's interesting. I am looking down at my hand, and I have realized that I've injured it. I'm not even sure how I did that, but I better go look around and see if I've broken anything in my condo.

I really don't want to work there anymore. But I need the money, I have a lot of alimony to pay each month. But I've spent the day sending email, and freaking out a little more with each one I send.

Hopefully I'll calm down, my feelings right now aren't pleasant ones.

[Dianne S]

If your name is changed legally, I would go to HR and ask them to ensure that everything is set up to match your name. That seems to me a pretty reasonable request.

[Jennifer-GWN]

For me as soon as I have my id picture updated it automatically becomes reflected in outlook as part of general integration. They may have similar linkages in placed and over looked the automated services. Last week I was at one of our head office and needed to get a renewed I'd. They asked if I just wanted based on my existing picture or did I want a new picture taken. I chose just to have a new card issued keeping my existing picture.name change a public coming out still under timeline consideration.

Cheers... Jennifer

[PaulaQ]

@Dianne, yes, it's legally changed. And I've been working with HR. It would seem a reasonable thing to ask, but so far, not so much.

I'll probably have to settle for my old name based login ID, with my work logged under my old name. They should at least be able to make my name displayed in email and my current photo match. I'd at least have that. I'd have to type my old name in half a dozen times / day to login, which sucks.

I really wish I could unsee the picture combined with my old name. Wish everyone else would unsee it too.

I really feel bad about all this right now.

[flatlander_48]

Interesting. Our Outlook is not set up to automatically populate and I'm not sure that we could if we wanted. It would seem that it would be easy enough to depopulate yours. I can't understand why it would be mandatory to have your photo in Outlook anyway. Suppose someone had a disfigurement from an accident. Would they want to see their photo all the time?

DeeAnn

[Karen62]

Paula, I feel so bad for you because you feel hurt. Have you spoken to HR about this? Is your company professing support for your transition? I used to work for a *very* large software company in the Pacific Northwest (I'm sure you've heard of them if you're reading this message on a computer). I noted for years that there was no consistent style to email addresses created for new employees. As in, first letter of first name and last name concatenated, or whatever. This company used whatever amalgamation of letters in the first and last names that they could. As a result, many people got really weird email aliases, and some were borderline offensive (when you can concatenate any number of beginning letters from your first and last names, you can get really creative results, and all too often the addresses were at least comical if not actually insulting and/or mildly demeaning (at the expense of the employee, of course). I always suspected there was a tiny team in the IT Security department who took infinite pleasure in doing this. I always assumed they overcame the boredom of the same drudgery job everyday by creating these email addresses for new hires.

I don't know how big your employer is. Perhaps your employer's IT department is managed by some creep (or a small group of creeps) who decided to use your current photo but intentionally (and maliciously) NOT update your name, even though it has been legally changed within the company. This could even be a case of harassment, which should be a violation of HR policy (assuming they don't want to be sued). If you suspect in any way that this could be the case, especially if HR has been otherwise supportive of you, send a quick message to the Director of HR and let them know this has happened. You might see some change happen pretty quickly if the HR folks are good.

Anyway, I am so sorry you have to suffer through this crap. While I am not yet officially out at work, I have been preparing myself for the coming eventuality of it. I've decided (at least in concept) that I cannot control what other people see and do, and as long as I am OK with myself, I will have to tolerate some level of crap, some dished out intentionally and on other occasions, done accidentally. If you show dignity (as is natural with you), I believe most people will feel empathy for your situation and not find amusement in your plight. Make the IT folks (be they incompetent or malicious) the issue and you stand proud of who you are.

Just my thoughts, FWIW.

Karen

[PretzelGirl]

Paula, if they aren't trying, that is more than wrong. Not having things sitting half complete is one of the reasons I took two business days off between how I appeared at work so IT could do things. You are seeing this after two months? That is completely disregarding your needs. It isn't poor staffing or technical glitches, but just not doing what should be done. I am sorry because this is tough enough without having parts dragged out.

For others, even in a good situation, things happen. I had great support from HR and they made a checklist and gave me updates on the changes that happened. One problem was an Outlook add-on that a lot of people installed that took the Sharepoint pictures of everyone addressed in an email and displayed them at the bottom of the email. Before I made the change, a friend told IT they had the wrong picture of him on Sharepoint. They corrected it, but to this day when he is in an email, I still see that wrong picture. Caching is a pain sometimes. I only wonder who still sees Steve's picture next to my name.

The other problem is a new SAP implementation (Enterprise database for those that aren't familiar with it). HR didn't know that it was a different name change from the rest of the systems, so they didn't have it on their list. But I did catch it the first week and HR changed it within an hour. But I kept seeing SAP reports with Steve and didn't know why. So I asked a friend that was a system SuperUser. After two weeks, she came back and said they fixed my name in 70 locations in the databases. What happened to relational databases?

So unfortunately, anyone is at the whim of how IT is deployed. Paula's situation is deplorable. But even with good intentions, you have to stay alert and jump on things.

[LeaP]

Whew - your frustration and anger almost jumps off the screen. The urge (hopefully unrealized) to smash things is a powerful indicator.

I declined to have the company take my picture recently and use the facility to have Exchange use my LinkedIn picture, which I control. In turn, that enables its appearance in many other apps internally, but not all. I've yet to provide a picture directly for fear the same problems you are having.

As an IT person, I doubt there's anything vindictive going on. You just have to chip away at the problem. Propagating name changes in a complex systems environment is a tough problem everywhere.

[Jorja]

Thank goodness they didn't have all the internet connections cross databases etc... they have today when I was last employed by someone else. I can understand your frustration Paula. Keep on them until they get it changed.

[Cindy J Angel]

Sorry to here of your troubles gf. You are a strong woman you did not get this far being week hold your head up. We all see a beautiful woman. I know its hard when you look at your own pictures our see something you are trying to move on from. You will get past this. Love Cindy

[Ann Louise]

Sounds like entrenched transphobes who are still trying to remain anonymous through a maze of bureaucratic machinery are taking cheap shots at you in this nasty way. Trial by fire continues. Some would say this is making you stronger. I say it sucks. Sorry honey. I had to choose between ratcheting it up with ACLU attorneys and a union, or continue to endure the subtle indignities without making too much of a scene. I chose the latter, hung on for a couple of years, and quit. I'd say start to develop your options fully right now so you have some choices. Best, Ann

[Suzanne F]

Paula
You have been such an inspiration to me. I see a beautiful, strong woman who is helping many in the trans community. I am preparing for the day when I come out at work. Please know that I am watching and learning through your struggle. Take a deep breathe and I will be puling for you.
Suzanne

[PaulaQ]

Whew - your frustration and anger almost jumps off the screen. The urge (hopefully unrealized) to smash things is a powerful indicator.

As an IT person, I doubt there's anything vindictive going on. You just have to chip away at the problem. Propagating name changes in a complex systems environment is a tough problem everywhere.

Mostly I'm just feeling depression. The changes to my face as I went through puberty really bothered me at the time, although knowing what I know today, I know that facial hair aside, I got off relatively lucky. Still, it is a serious point of dysphoria for me at times. Seeing the female picture of me, not a good one, next to my old name is triggering me something fierce. I have spent a lot of my life hating my face. I spent part of this afternoon not really able to look in the mirror. I really did want to break them, so yes, that part was anger. Not so much at them, but that I'm trans.

I asked my contact in HR if they were trying to get rid of me. A pointless question, since whatever then truth of the matter, the only possible answer is "no." My contact in HR is very nice. I have a meeting scheduled with her in Monday. I'm sure she doesn't understand why I am so bothered by all of this. I mean, what's in a name, right?

The company I work for is a large semiconductor company of about 8000 people. I've been here forever - 15 years. I'm employee #666. The main problem is indeed propagating the change across multiple systems, and in particular, distribution lists that are also used for access to secured information. I get the impression that only a handful of us are in the company. I may well be the first senior engineer who's transitioned on the job at this place, as they seem completely unprepared to handle this, either in terms of IT, or really even in giving me any guidance about how they might want me to handle coming out to people who don't know.

I actually don't have any idea what to say to people who are confused about what's going on with me, because of my picture + old name. So some group of people, I'll probably never know who, knows some weirdness is going on with me. That part really bothers me. It seems like between my ex-wife outing me, and now this, that I've never really gotten to have much control over my story.

The company I work for is sort of progressive. You can be gay and work there. They don't know anything about trans though. I don't think they really care either. In some respects, I expect I'll fight the issue of "We support you! We are liberal! Go LGBT! Our people are open minded, intelligent, and sensitive." And while all of that is true, I know some of the people I've come out to there directly who have been close friends for years no longer chat with me. It's like dealing with my old friends. They've all been like "we support you! We want you to be happy! (However, we don't want to talk with you because we are extremely uncomfortable about your transition, but dare not admit it.)"

None of this will likely be understandable to my HR contact. I'll try. I'm sure she'll be sympathetic, but from her perspective, "nobody at the company would turn their back on someone just because they decided to be a woman! That would be inefficient! And inefficiency is bad!"

I'll let you know what she says, and what they decide to do about all this.

I don't have a good feeling about my future prospects at this place. I'm really starting to hate my job.

[Dianne S]

Sounds like entrenched transphobes who are still trying to remain anonymous through a maze of bureaucratic machinery are taking cheap shots at you in this nasty way.

It could be, but reading between the lines, it sounds like Paula works at a Dilbertesque large company that might just not have its act together. Paula, is that the case? It might then just be a situation in which you need to be firm but polite.

I'm lucky enough to own a small company, so if someone needs an IT change, I do it in 5 seconds. Large companies don't work that way.

Edit: And I just read Paula's post up above... yes, I do think this is just a case of large-company Dilbertitis.

[Michelle.M]

They should at least be able to make my name displayed in email and my current photo match. I'd at least have that.

Yes, they can. This involves some IT guy getting off his butt and getting it done. This is unacceptable. Perhaps you should tell that to HR, gently but firmly. Explain the problems this is causing you. Hold the "hostile work environment" thing for when you need to roll out the big guns.

I'd have to type my old name in half a dozen times / day to login, which sucks.

I have several old logins that use some variation of my old name. Yeah, not ideal, but I'm the only one who has to deal with it, so . . . no biggie.

[PaulaQ]

Yes, they can. This involves some IT guy getting off his butt and getting it done. This is unacceptable. Perhaps you should tell that to HR, gently but firmly. Explain the problems this is causing you. Hold the "hostile work environment" thing for when you need to roll out the big guns.

Honestly, other than the fact that I had to update them when my name changed, I really am starting to regret changing any of this. I've been talking to my management about my transition for more than a year, and pretty clearly they haven't thought much about it at all. I was simply told "don't worry about it - just tell us what you need!" But that doesn't feel very sincere when the first thing I've asked for is for them to change my name, and two months later, it not only hasn't happened, but I'm in this weird and embarrassing limbo where I'm a weird random mix of old and new identities in different parts of their systems.

I have several old logins that use some variation of my old name. Yeah, not ideal, but I'm the only one who has to deal with it, so . . . no biggie.

The problem is that login ID is used to log my work in the source control system. So I'd really be doing all of my work under my old identity. That doesn't feel very good to me. And I'm just tired of having to type in my old name whenever I do anything. Right now, it feels like this has been more trouble than it's been worth. I was unhappy presenting under my old ID until HR felt it was OK for me to disclose my transition. But this? This has been worse. I really hate my job at this point!

I really have no idea now how I'm supposed to explain what has been going on with me. I assume that when this is finally settled, people will continue to email me as "Scott", and it'll be redirected to "Paula." It'll be pretty natural for them not to change, because they'll type in skephart, like they've done for years, and as will still appear on my check ins. How do I explain this, and who do I explain it to? As best I can tell, I'll just have to do this dozens of times, on an individual basis.

I'm unhappy about that.

[Dianne S]

This is why I plan on keeping my initials. My UNIX login ID is my initials and my email address is INITIALS@example.com. This will make things a lot simpler.

I don't see why the source code control system should be a big deal. In my case, my commits prior to changing my name will be from (MALE_NAME) and everything after will be from Dianne. I think my coworkers will be able to handle that...

I think you just need to be firm but persistent.

[pamela7]

apart from the "out of order" / "outrageously bad IT support", I feel you've suffered at least accidental abuse/incompetence-caused abuse, and unneccessary suffering, all avoidable, and accidentally intended to cause you to leave your workplace - "constructive dismissal" would be a phrase used here in the UK.

I am so sorry to hear about this Paula, and send you the best wishes and support in seeing it through.

xxx Pamela

[Jorja]

So the real questions here are:

1. What are you going to do about it?

2. Who wins you or them?

[PaulaQ]

1. What are you going to do about it?

Well, I'll start with talking to my HR person, who's also the person who's supporting trans* here. I think we'll start with a really frank talk about how many of us have transitioned on the job here, especially in my position. I know another trans woman in a similar capacity here, but she isn't out yet. (Although I've emailed her to see what she knows, if anything.)

Anyway, I'll explain to my HR contact why this was unpleasant and uncomfortable for me, and discuss what they can do to fix the immediate problem with my identity here, how we go about fixing the social consequences of this (there will probably be some), and if this is a first for them, and if so, how they could, perhaps improve this process for others who come after me.

It's possible, of course, that they'll ultimately tell me to go pound sand, and to take whatever remedy they give me, which is likely to involve typing in my old name over and over and over again each day.

2. Who wins you or them?

It depends on how you define "victory." I mean look, they have me. I need this job, if I take another I'll likely take a massive pay cut, partly because of being trans. And I'm sure finding that job will be a special adventure in its own right. For one thing, any other job I take will probably require me to relocate. I don't have much confidence that I'll find a job here in Dallas.

So unless and until I find another job, I'm kind of at their mercy.

The insurance where I work covers GCS. I'm on the schedule for Bowers for next February, so here's how I see my victory conditions:
1. Keep this job until after I complete GCS. Until then, put up with whatever I have to put up with.
2. Keep this job until my ex sells her house, which will be sooner than I'd thought. Once she sells the place, I won't feel (too) bad if I get a lower paying job and consequently her support is reduced.
3. Keep this job until I find another job.

So for me, a win is to stay employed here at least until #1, and preferably until #3. (#2 is kind of a "nice to have" - I'd prefer she not lose the house before she can sell it.)

I mean hopefully, HR and I can work all of this out, things get fixed, and I am all happy here again, and they are happy with me. That would also be a win for me, because I get my surgery that way too.

[lingerieLiz]

It is one reason that I discourage using your real name as part of the login. Depending on the way the system is set up you may need to use your previous name to do your current login.

One way is to export the data and then reimport it under the new name.

[flatlander_48]

Anyway, I'll explain to my HR contact why this was unpleasant and uncomfortable for me, and discuss what they can do to fix the immediate problem with my identity here, how we go about fixing the social consequences of this (there will probably be some), and if this is a first for them, and if so, how they could, perhaps improve this process for others who come after me.

That's the important part. They need to know exactly how this feels to you. Many people do one of 2 things: they rant and jump up and down and the result is that people quit listening OR someone will say that they feel unpleasant and uncomfortable without going into detail. But, the problem is that the WHY of unpleasant and uncomfortable hasn't been made clear to them. You're the only one that has that message and that's what people need to understand.

It is one reason that I discourage using your real name as part of the login. Depending on the way the system is set up you may need to use your previous name to do your current login.

One way is to export the data and then reimport it under the new name.

Not sure I understand. Usually how usernames are formed in corporate setting is a matter of company policy. It's not something that users have any control over, so I am at a loss to understand your statement.

DeeAnn

[Dianne S]

Not sure I understand. Usually how usernames are formed in corporate setting is a matter of company policy

It depends on the company. At my company, when a new employee starts, I say "So... what do you want your login name to be?"

I've worked at other companies with similar policies. However, the larger the company the less likely this is, I suppose. It's too bad because no policy can guarantee unique names so in large companies, some poor schmuck ends up being "john.smith.17"

OK. Sorry, that was a bit OT. But even in a large company, I cannot imagine any technical reasons why it's difficult to change a login name. On UNIX, it's about 5 seconds. I don't use windows so I have no clue, but I can't imagine it would be terribly painful on Windows.

[Promethea]

It's usually not technical reasons, but bureaucracy. Some of it may have to do with actual security requirements (like certain people being aware and signing off on changes to credentials on certain systems, and they may be waiting for one of those folks to realize that email they skipped two weeks ago contained an action item for them), and some of it is just bull, but it exists.

[Nigella]

Bet the e-mail and login will soon be changed when you don't respond, lets face it, the e-mails etc are not for you are they