A moment with Dad

[Nancy Sue]

As I read your post, Ilsa, my first thought was wondering if your dad was sad because his mother dressed him as a girl in his early years - or because she stopped dressing him. Then I began to wonder if your dad was telling you the story of his life as his way of doing the best he could to give you an opening to tell what he probably has known for years. Kind of like "I used to dress as a girl, you know - how about you?"

I think one of the biggest fears many crossdressers have is that they are weird, and perhaps the next biggest is that they will be found out, and lose those they love because of it. My mother wanted a daughter, and dressed me as a girl, too, until I started grade school. Everybody we knew heard a hundred times what my girl name would have been, and so on. At various points in my life they knew I was dressing, though they did not know to what extent (and neither did I, most of the time). Dad lived to be 88, and in his later years he repeatedly opened the door to talk about this, and even offered my mother's clothes to me when he cleaned out her things after she passed. But because of how he did it, and the things he said, I did not "get it" until later, until it was too late. I agree with Isabella, and wish I would have recognized and acted on his openings. (I am sure I would have if I had the understanding and knowledge I have developed from reading posts of others in this group the past couple years.) I realized, too late, that he would not have disowned me if I had shared with him something he already knew, but I was too afraid of being outed to "see" his openings at the time. I wished I had, of course, but it is too late now for me to realize the blessing of acceptance he wanted to give me.

[Confucius]

Ilsa,
I found your post about your father to be very interesting. My mother also longed for a daughter, and when I was born, i was identified as "the disappointment". My mother was heart-broken, but it didn't last long. I was only six months old when she found herself pregnant again. Once again she prayed for a daughter. This time it worked, and my sister was born. My mother describes it as "the happiest day of her life". As a young child I heard this story over and over. My sister was pampered and spoiled as my mother's little princess. I grew up thinking that all mother's preferred daughters, and if I was a daughter, then my mother would love me more.

By the time I was three years old I was already crossdressing with anything I could find. I would often play dress-up with items from my mother's closet. This didn't go well with my parents, and my mother was concerned that I was ruining her clothes. So, she decided to make me a dress for my own play. She was a very good seamstress so she made me a pretty party dress with a petticoat. I was elated and danced and twirled about to make my petticoats rise. My mother was laughing when my father came in... There was some loud talk, and I never got to wear that again. The dress was given to a girl who lived next door. After that I learned that crossdressing was supposed to be hidden, and kept secret.

Today when I crossdress, I do not think of it as something sexual, but rather I feel as if I am fixing my own world and receiving gratification that I missed in my childhood. I wonder if your father feels as if his mother would have loved him better if he was a daughter, and I wonder if he tried to fix this during his childhood. Did he feel as if he disappointed his mother when he stopped dressing as a girl? Did he ever receive a sense of closure with his mother?

[cheryl reeves]

my dad died 34 yrs ago and if he would have known cheryl he would have accepted her. my dad knew i was different then the other boys,so he let me find myself and in turn he taught me responsibility. my mom keeps telling me how disappointed my dad would be with me if he was still alive,i tell her in turn how proud he would have been of me..see my dad knew i was a girl in a boys body and did his best to make a man out of me,for he didnt want others to think his son was a girl,thats why mu mom quit dressing me in girls clothes at the age of 2 and started the terror of regular haircuts which i hated. but transgenderism back then wasnt well known like it is today,but we would watch programs that came on t.v. that tried to deal with this. i think that was my parents way of trying to understand me.