Dear Ilsa...
I believe you should feel quite content that you have been the son he surely wanted and that probably any remembered pain is so long ago it has probably dimmed to virtually nothing, and that having remained hidden you have nothing to be ashamed of or feel that your behaviour is somehow disappointing because it isn't. We all make choices and yours has been to choose to bear responsibility for your secrecy - in some ways a lot harder than being open.
I'm sure you'll come to treasure those conversations however poignant they may seem...
Katey x
