Help - Where am I going?

[Iris_Luna]

Well, now i think it is the time to finally post this here and maybe get some toughs on my situation. I started crossdressing at 10, but only when i'm alone. Now i'm 22 and i only crossdress a few times a month, not because i don't want to crossdress more but because i don't have my own clothes (And no courage to buy them at the store). I think it is also important to say that sometimes I crossdress to get sexualy stimulated, but not always (If you know what i mean). I'm a normal looking buy and I like being a boy, also, i'm straight but never had any girlfriend.

Now the problem begins... For the past 2 years i'm thinking more about being feminine, its not unusual to be in the train just thinking about how I would look if i would be a girl, thinking about clothes, etc... Also, when i imagine myself like these i also feel some kind of attraction to men. I am having this toughs almost every day and I realized that i don't even know my sexual orientation nor if i'm taking crossdressing idea more serious (Yes, because sometimes i even think about hormones...).

My mind is a total mess now.

[Marcelle]

Hi Iris,

I note that you are very young (well in comparison to me that is) and are at the age where questioning about one's identity including sexual orientation is not uncommon . . . it is how we grow and establish our identity as a person. Thrown into this mix is your propensity for cross dressing (since age 10 according to your post). You have found something that gives you some sexual pleasure and so it would not be uncommon to want to explore that a bit more to see where it all leads. This could easily trigger thoughts about what it would be like to be a woman, dressing, HRT and whatnot. So breath easy . . . very normal given the circumstances.

My recommendation is to just be who you need to be, explore where you need to explore and you will find your way. Are you TG/CD or do you want to become a woman . . . that will solidify as you explore those sides of you. Are you straight, hetero, or bi . . .again that will solidify as you explore. In the interim, have a read of some of the posts here regarding this thing we do and where it can lead. However, remember that advice given is based on personal experience which may or may not match your own circumstances in life. So read advice with grain of salt, digest it and apply what seems to fit into your life.

IMHO if you are not experiencing severe emotional issues centered around dressing . . . continue to explore and enjoy. However, if you are feeling emotional turmoil which is impeding your ability to enjoy life, you might think about seeing a professional who deals with gender identity issues to help work out some of the chaos.

Hugs

Isha

[Pat]

Breathe. Go slow. You can get clothes from the internet (e.g. Amazon, Old Navy, etc.) They don't know the difference between you buying them for yourself or for your wife or girlfriend and more important, they don't care -- for that matter, neither to the stores.

What are you? At this point, probably doesn't matter. What matters is that it's making you anxious and uncomfortable. When you relax you'll start getting a better handle on it. It's not uncommon to be happy being a guy who wears women's clothing (that's what I am.) It's not unusual for crossdressers to be completely straight (I'm told.) Don't worry about having thoughts about guys when you're thinking about how you'd look as a woman. They're part of the outfit. Again, after you relax you can decide how much is attraction and how much is just filling out the image.

[JeanetteX]

Hi Iris,

You're not the only one having these thoughts. When I was younger I also fantasized about me as a woman being with a man. But over time this has all disappeared...I am 100% straight but at the same time a devoted crossdresser. You'll have to find out yourself though about who you really are and what you really want. But be honest to yourself, that would be the biggest help.

[Jaylyn]

I'm no therapists but I was in my twenties once a long time ago. The twenties can be a challenge you are considered an adult and expected to make adult decisions. You are voting, paying taxes, sometimes trying to make career choices, and yes you are the height of those sexual arousals happening at the most improper times. I also was at first stimulated by dressing, as if they will admit many on here. I wouldn't go the feminine route just yet, especially if you haven't had a girlfriend yet. Have you had any GGs flirt with you or act interested? If so you have to be man enough at this age to ask them out. Also at this age you have to be man enough to respect them and not give up if some decline your invitation to go on a date. Start slow. Keep dating till you find one that you might be interested in, but remember all the while no one not even you will prefect in every thing you might expect. Just keep on and then when you have tried many dates and think you have the romancing the GGs down some GG might come along and turn your heart into mush and you find yourself doing all sorts of crazy things for her, if she makes you happy and your knees weak and you feel a spark of excitement when you just hold her hand then you decide if you want to still be feminine or be her man. You have to try in my opinion before giving up. I bet there's a GG out there for every male if they really look. My wife and I call it finding kindred soulmates. You just have to not give up. You may just find one that even will help you crossdress and tell you your a cutie. When you find one like that you can fulfill many dreams and be anything you want. She will have your back in every pursuit you try. Just my opinion, but I know it's worked for me.

[Lorileah]

and just a note...your sexual preference doesn't matter. You can be straight, bi or gay. That isn't important. So if you are concerned about that (i.e. saying you are straight in the OP) because of your choice n clothing OR your gender identity, don't be.

At 22 you are still exploring feelings and please don't let a fantasy (again i.e. "how would I act or feel as a girl) drive you in a direction. You will know what you want and who you are soon enough. Experiment if you need but don't commit until you are sure OK? There are things you can't take back.

[Kate Simmons]

Welcome Iris, Hopefully some of your questions will be answered here.

[Iris_Luna]

Thank you so much for all the answers and toughs

Yes, i think i will discover myself as life goes and as new experiences appear But i really need to gain courage to buy things in the stores...

[Marcelle]

Hi Iris,

Confidence to buy things in stores will come. In the meantime you could try online shopping if you know your sizes.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

I think several people have suggested that you need to get some experience. Among those things you need to experience is meeting, dating and sharing intimates with women your age. If you haven't had a girlfriend it's time to get out and start meeting women. Do not begin with expectations and don't fear rejection. Be yourself, say hello, listen and let things happen on their own. Then you'll know a good deal more about yourself than you do today.

[Rachelakld]

Experience can make a bit difference.

To help find out who I was, I twice went to a gay club (with gay big screen room, sauna, spa, dark booths, naked men coupling with other men etc), but didn't float my boat, so after watching a bit, a swim in their large pool on a hot afternoon, I had tea and biscuits with some nice guys and chatted about stuff.

Such an adventure, could help you decide which team you prefer to be in, before making any medical changes.

My dad used to say, "try before you buy"

Without trying to insult anyone, from my experiences, life with a female partner is way easier on the ears than a gay male

[cassiekat]

I agree with most of the posters here. I suggest though that you try to accept the fact you like women's attire and do not over compensate with anger or alpha male activities that you do not truly enjoy. IMHO I think a lot of straight crossdressers have these gay fantasies because of society, you mind is buying into what society says. I was with men because my mother told me I must be gay if I liked dressing like a girl. I lived a really strange life because I didn't accept myself. One more piece of advice, do not get into a relationship with a man or woman until you are good with yourself.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Welcome Iris. One important take-out from forums like this is that many others experience the same drives and needs as you. Sure we may be a bit different to the average male but there are many the same. There is nothing broken and nothing needing to be fixed. That is really important to know so that you can accept yourself even as you explore. That's a huge benefit of the internet.

[Love Dove]

I think almost every cd had thoughts like yours pop in our heads. I certainly did, still do sometimes. When I'm back to my old self the thoughts disappear, that's how I know it has something to do with the clothes rather then that being my preference. Don't be worried about sexual orientation, I do not care who you like to go to bed with nor anyone on this board and around 99% of world population. Just explore yourself and have fun. Be safe of course.
I gotta say I did try a guy when I was dressed but that was not enjoyable for me. The thought still turns me on sometimes but that's how fantasies are, in my head everything is so great but once I tried it it was not so much.

[Beverley Sims]

Being young, it may be a phase you are going through.

If these feelings persist after twelve months and you start to have relationships with men then you may need to seek outside guidance.

Your suspicions may be correct.

[Tracii G]

Crossdressing has nothing to do with your sexuality.
What I'm saying is CDing and enjoying it doesn't mean you are gay.
Honey if you were gay you would already know it.

[MissTee]

Hey Iris and welcome to the forum. Your identity dilemma is certainly not a new one. As others have said, take the time to be you and embrace the learning experience. Don't worry about putting a label on it, as those labels could very well change over time as your discover more about yourself. Lastly, there's really no deadline to meet, so be kind to yourself and embrace the journey of learning you.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Iris, can you talk with an experienced cd friend or forum friend? You need advise as to what you're experiencing & where you want to go. It takes time to get this cd monster under control. Don't do it alone... Seek good advise. Peace, mel

[Savannah_Skye]

Hi Iris and welcome! I am younger as well (27) and went through something very similar and yes, my mind was a total mess. Without going into detail, I just learned to be patient with myself, not give into guilt and purges, and my mind slowly cleared itself up. Honestly, it was not until I was 22 I decided not to transition, even though the thoughts still pop up, but everyone is different and at different places on the gender spectrum. There are days I love presenting myself as a female (ok most days) and some days all the glam just annoys me.

I was 23 when I bought my first dress at a store...said it was for a friend who just happened to my size. A sale associate helped me but I was still freaking out on the inside but after that first trip it got easier. As for the occasional shopping trip, I noted that other shoppers usually ignore me. Have gotten a few dirty or questioning looks but doesn't really faze me. At the cash register, I have asked for a gift receipt to make myself more comfortable or say its for a friend.