My dilemma

[DaphneMiller]

I haven't had any Daphne time for months. There is a weekend coming up when I know I'll have a full day to myself. It is also the same day when a very good friend of mine is travelling a couple of hundred miles back to the area, and I really want an evening catching up and having a few drinks.
I've wanted to share my secret for some time now, and have made a few jokes about CDing which he's taken in his stride.

So, do I...
A) Have a Daphne day?
B) Have drinks with my good friend
C) Shudder.... bite the bullet and do both..?

I know none of you know my friend, or my exact circumstances, so I know you can't tell me what to do. I just wanted to share my dilemma.
Right now, I can't imagine not taking advantage of some 'me' time. And I can't imagine not catching up with my friend. And I can't imagine actually telling him and letting him meet Daphne either...

The clock is ticking. Gulp.

Daphne

x

[kimdl93]

Two choices really...spend some time to meet your needs , then meet him or....ask your friend if he would mind or perhaps like to meet Daphne.

[Rachelakld]

Drinks with good friend.

[DaphneMiller]

Thanks for the suggestions.
Kimdl93, that sounds like a very sensible suggestion. My problem is that my favourite time to dress is actually evenings, which is when we'd be meeting for drinks. Maybe we should meet for a lunchtime snack/coffee first...
And Rachelakld, don't worry - there will definitely be drinks with friend. It's what else that happens I don't know about...

Thing is, I've considered talking to this friend about my CDing for a while now. Last time we met he'd just had a family bereavement, so it wasn't exactly a good time. And he and his friends have quite... 'unconventional interests' anyway, so I really don't think he'd bat an eyelid. I actually think that if I turned up drab for drinks, and then told him, he'd be p*ssed off at me for not turning up as Daphne.

I think my problem is that it feels like the 'stars have aligned' or something, and seems to be forcing everything to happen on the same day. I can't decide whether or not I'm just being lazy and selfish, or looking a gift-horse in the mouth...

Oh well, still thinking...

Daphne

x

[Jorja]

Just my thoughts but unless you plan on coming out completely, I would not say anything to you friend. Once you let that cat out of the bag, you can't put it back in. Something to think about, is taking a vacation or sick day from work. Go check in at a hotel in the big city and have a ball getting all girly.

[Marcelle]

Hi Daphne,

Coming out to others is a big thing and as Jorja stated, unless you are prepared to come out, once you let the information go, you loose control of it completely. So I guess I would ask you, if you decided to out yourself to your friend and he took that information and shared it with others (perhaps mutual friends, your family) how would you feel? If you can't say with an resounding "I don't care", I would not tell him . . . perhaps wait for another day. However, if you don't have a issue potentially being completely out . . . I would preface this with a telephone conversation, explain it and ask if he would like to meet Daphne. I definitely would not just show up dressed as that might be too much to process.

If you are not prepare to come out completely . . . meet your friend for drinks and enjoy that time. There will be other Daphne days but perhaps not as many "friend days". Besides, it is the weekend, could you not take one Daphne day and leave the other open for your friend?

Hugs

Isha

[cassiekat]

Maybe meet him in full getup and judge his reaction, if he's shocked kinda minimize it like it was a joke and if he's cool then tell him the truth. Just a different solution. Good luck.

[Beverley Sims]

I would just meet and have drinks, why jeopardize a good friendship.

Alternatively do as Kim suggests, that is if you feel that it is necessary to take it further.

[Kerrie Sifton]

Well if evenings work for you, then that would be the time you would be most comfortable, and confident
i was given some advice last month, and that was to call ahead and advise the store that i was in transition and needed some help. This might apply in this case, calling ahead and letting your friend know that you are making changes.
either way, enjoy your evening.

[CherylFlint]

I agree, drinks with a good friend and leave it at that.

[Ally 2112]

Meet your freind early in the day for lunch if you can then hopefully you still have time to dress

[Krisi]

I would meet the friend but not tell him about my crossdressing. You can find another time to dress.

[cheryl reeves]

i lost my best friend a yr ago,he was suppose to come visit last summer. actually be was like a brother,he knew i crossdressed an didnt care,for no matter the clothes i was still his brother. i wish i could have had a last drink with him. think on this the moment we are born we live on borrowed time,and we never know when we or our friends are going to die..my bud died 3 mo before his 49th bday,on his way to a job site,lady ran a red light and killed him.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I've been finding that my friends are less shocked about Nikki than I supposed. I say go for it, introduce him to Daphne.

It'll brighten up his day

[DaphneMiller]

Thanks for all the variety of thoughts!
Don't worry Isha, I wouldn't just turn up as Daphne without warning and surprise him like that. Having said that though, there was a time years ago when I'd been away travelling, and when I got back, my appearance had changed quite a lot. (not in a girly way, just from clean-cut to jesus/hippy/hobo..) I'd only been back a couple of days, and we bumped into each other in town. When he saw me, his jaw just about hit the floor. I must admit, a teeny little part of me would love too surprass that moment...

And Nikkilovesdresses, I'm sure it would brighten his day.

As I said earlier, he's got a few 'interests' of his own, so I'm not worried about him being indiscreet. I'd love to have a friend to talk and laugh about all this stuff with, and I'm certain that he'd take it in his stride. The wife doesn't really understand, and doesn't seem to want to, but tolerates my behaviour. But she's dead against me telling anyone else, and her fears all seem to be based on what other people would think. I had hoped that when I told her, I'd have a cell-mate in this prison of mine. I think I've got a guard instead...
You girls here are the only people I can openly and freely discuss this stuff with. I know I'm not able to visit and post very often, but I'm so pleased that this place is here.

As it turns out, I think things may work out where I can meet him on Sunday, and still have a whole Daphne day on Saturday.
Partially relieved, partially disappointed...

Daphne

x

[ReineD]

The wife doesn't really understand, and doesn't seem to want to, but tolerates my behaviour. But she's dead against me telling anyone else, and her fears all seem to be based on what other people would think.

Hi Daphne,

This is common. I'm a GG too, and because we don't personally derive benefit from the CDing like you do to balance or countermand the potential negatives (rejection or gossip from others), I think we tend to worry about this more than you do, at least initially.

But, if she doesn't want you to tell anyone else, shouldn't you check with her first before potentially telling your friend?

As to telling your friend, I'd say go with your instincts. If you think he wouldn't have a negative reaction which might then have an impact on your friendship, and if you do need to confide in someone for validation, then go ahead and tell. If it's instead a question of not having enough time to dress, then maybe you could take 24 hours either the weekend before, or the weekend after and travel to a city not too far away to have some time out dressed?

[Jeri Ann]

Hi Daphne,

I once had a situation that had a few similarities to yours. While in graduate school I became friends with a guy in my class. Occasionally, when classes were in the evenings, we would meet for a drink at a nearby pub. One night, after his second double martini, he turned to me and said, "I am very attracted to you". All of a sudden I hear a voice that sounded just like mine say, "I'm transsexual". He grinned and then I asked him to come over for dinner the next Saturday night to meet Jeri. That began a passionate love affair that lasted several years. Like Reine said, I followed my instincts. There are always risks. Be careful. Only you can assess your situation. I do not regret what happened. I have often thought about sharing the whole story sometime. I'm not sure which forum it should go in though.

Jeri

[DaphneMiller]

Hi ReineD,

No, you're right, and I wouldn't tell anyone unless she was happy about it. It just feels unfair. She doesn't want to talk much about it, and she doesn't want me to talk to anyone else either. I guess I just need to be patient.
In the meantime, at least I've got a whole Daphne day coming up, so I should count my blessings.

There'll be other opportunities to talk to my friend about it.

Daphne
x

[DaphneMiller]

That sounds like a fun story. Hope you get round to telling it sometime.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Daphnie, I would put friends ahead of dressing.