Originally Posted by
ReineD
I don't know if you've noticed it, but the fear of going out and being recognized is much greater BEFORE someone actually does it. Afterwards, they most often wonder why they thought it would be such a big deal. I know it can be tricky to leave the house fully dressed in full daylight and I don't know how close your neighbors are. We live in a fairly anonymous neighborhood, we don't really know our neighbors and none of the neighbors know our co-workers, friends, etc, so we don't really worry about it. We just don't dawdle in the front yard. We also drive to the next town over. In the years that we've been doing this (literally hundreds and hundreds of times if not more), we've only run into people we know a few times. My SO resolved this simply by turning her face and we left.
The idea of seeing a professional for advice before going out means what, exactly. Does your wife believe that if a CDer wants to go out and interact with others, this means transsexualism? Does she want you to see a gender therapist?
That said, when you do go out, you will find that 99% of the sales people, restaurant personnel, etc will treat you with no indication that anything is amiss. They appreciate your business. And most of the other patrons or people passing you on the street will not take the time to look at you closely and determine that you are not a GG. But, some people read gender cues better than others or if their eyes rest on you for awhile they will know that you are not a GG (unless you are genetically gifted), and they might stare a bit. But they will not be rude. And the people that you interact with directly, the people who will take your meal order and sell you something will know. It has been our experience that a lot of people just have a "Whatever!" attitude and if they don't they are very good at keeping their opinions to themselves. Also, people in general have no clue about us. They don't differentiate between the various points along the TG spectrum and I'm certain that everyone who deals with us believes that my SO is a TS in transition, or they may have a very loose idea that anyone who presents in a manner contrary to their physical appearance is transgender without really understanding what that is. This is fine with us, as long as they recognize that my SO while dressed wishes to be treated with respect. The waitresses at some of the restaurants we go to regularly always greet us with, "Hello, ladies".
One last thing, it can take a while to get past the idea that people will judge you harshly. I felt it for about the first year my SO were going out regularly. Every time someone stared, I felt ashamed and it was not easy. This is called "internalized transphobia". We are mirroring internally the negative views of crossdressing that we have been exposed to all our lives. But the truth is that more people have a "live and let live" attitude than you think, especially when it comes to dealing with you as a stranger. You do not affect their lives directly. And we've also met quite a few people who applaud my SO for having the courage to go out.
What do you mean, opening up completely? Is it a manner of walking, talking, or sitting that is different when you are dressed, or is it talking about things like fashion, makeup, etc?