Gia - Not sure what you expect with this thread? You don't need our preaching, warning, sympathies, etc. If you are really conflicted after 20 years of crossdressing, you should get professional help. "Experimenting" is significantly different that crossdressing. Good luck.
If you are looking outside of your marriage... Why are you married?
Call me old fashioned but when I signed up. I signed up for life. If things aren't working then and only then I'll pack up and go on with my life.
Trying to come to grips with this lovely thing called Crossdressing.
Thankful there is a place to ask for help.
Gia,
I'm not going to judge you. In my opinion, though, if two people are married and one of them does something completely contrary to the understanding and expectations of the other person, that's very hurtful and damaging.
If your partner was in the know and agreed that you could experiment, then I'd say fine... go nuts. But if not, I think you're in extremely dangerous territory.
Dear Gia, I am going to be very blunt. I have tried not to have all three strikes against me all my life. I did tell my wife before we married. She did try to get involved and could not and over the years has been actually less understanding than more. That being said, I have eliminated strike one but over the last 35 years cannot say the same for strike 2 and 3. I wish I could but I can't. The most important reason is because above all I love my wife more than anything but even that could not quell my feminine needs. Then there are the children and grandchildren. Having made it this far I could never give any of that up so I continue to live with the feeling that I am a terrible liar and try to still be able to like myself enough to put one foot in front of the other every day. Worst of all, the need to be more feminine has grown over the years rather than decreased. In your case I hear many similarities with the exception where you are in your life and the kids. I think you have to tell her everything. I'm pretty sure it will not go well for the marriage but you have options that were not even imaginable back in my youth that can allow you to live your life as complete of a person as you can be and not drag her into a world she most likely wants no part of. (Assuming your description of her is accurate.) None of this makes either of you bad people even though many people will label you as such. However, in this day and age and this time in your lives there is plenty of time for both of you to pick up the pieces and still have full lives before it gets complicated with children and other factors. I cannot be more honest than this. You are right about the people on this site. We are all trying our best without hurting others and we are all in very different stages of our journeys through life. So when you make the decision on what to do please take your wife's future happiness into consideration as well. Seeking professional advice on how to do this may not be a bad thing as well since this could shake your wife's self confidence to it's core. I should never be all about us. Sincerely, Steph
I felt that way.Originally Posted by Gia Villafana
So, when I started looking at my life from a twelve step inventory approach (who did I piss off drinking/drugging? etc) I realized that being always a little different, I would overcompensate. Coming from an angry part of a big city, this translated for me into being hurtful. Anger, resentments, acting out were part of my male-ness. It was a pattern.
For me, allowing myself to be fem is to look into life in submission. That's where I'm going by dressing. I social media soft optimistic blessings to people and try to never hate. It did not come easily, at first. In dresssing, I go to the fem parts in my body allowing myself to be pampered by oils and scents and through mediation. This fits into the a popular Twelve Step cliche, 'let go, let god'. Conveniently it fits into the Buddhist tradition of mindfulness and god is within me.
I don't consider myself as doing anything that I would not be able to justify to my wife, if the topic came up. But nothing makes me feel have to tell my wife, my sponsor or anyone in the world who the real me is. It's not important to the world. I share stuff on this site, because I can. I do this more for me more than you.
Be blessed, sweetie.
Last edited by Robbin_Sinclair; 03-29-2015 at 09:49 AM.
It is not about you, it is about her. Whatever your desires or fantasies are really doesn't matter. How you honor your commitment to your wife does. That is what a marriage is. It is a commitment to another person. IMO, you should tell her what you are doing or want to do. Don't make her live a lie. It is not fair for her to live a lie. Tell her everything, and who knows, maybe in the .01 chance that she will accept it all and you can go do what you desire and fantasize about. But give her the chance to live the life she wants to. Give her the life she deserves. If you cannot fulfill that for her, then set her free and let her find someone who will.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
Hi
I think if you are looking outside your marriage then the marriage may be inherently weak to allow your head to be turned. This is an observation not a criticism. Go with the flow .... BUT let your better half know that there may be no future - please don't live a lie.
Thx Stephi
Assuming what you say about your wife is true, that she would be totally unaccepting, perhaps you just need to end your marriage without telling her about your crossdressing? You could just say that you don't love her anymore, or that you have to move on. It's a tough situation, and only you can decide. I too would consider getting yourself into counseling to help you decide.
Gia - I am too new to this community to send you a private response. I know exactly your feelings. I have desires that exist strongly when dressed en femme. I have not acted on them, and I continue to keep Missy a secret. I wish I could send you a private message, a few more posts and I will have the permission to, we have a lot in common and I fully understand the emotional turmoil you feel, at least I think I do. I can certainly relate.
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