Dressed NOT to pass in public?

[Pixiesmate]

I too am the "Dude in a dress". I won't pass - not now, not ever. The mustache is a bit much, even for women of a certain age and a Mediterranean background. I like my 'stache, I've had it for more than 40 years and don't think I want to remove it. I also adore women's clothes, from featherweight fabric tops to the heels. Like you, oh gentle OP, I want to wear what I want. I have been sneaking up on this point for a while; I shave my legs, I wear paint on my toe nails, underdress because I like the fabrics and the feeling of it all. In the last year and half, with much support from my SO, I have actually begun to wear skirts in public. The outings have been sporadic to be sure, but they have occurred. As an aside, friends know of my desire to wear womens clothing and I was offered the opportunity by the hostess to attend a formal gathering in a dress, as long as the dress met the required color scheme she set forth for all the womens clothing. Alas, a previous commitment precluded that from happening, but the exhilaration and abject fear that invitation brought forth was almost overwhelming.

I try to dress age appropriate, with a skirt, heels and hose and usually a mans dress shirt. The outings have been in the day time and I have discovered, like a good portion of the posters on this site have said, that the most difficult part is overcoming the fear that we have in our heads. Obviously the world is still spinning, the sun still comes up in the east and at least in my case, I haven't been stuck down with a bolt of lightening out of a cloudless blue sky for appearing in public in a skirt and heels.

Our desire (to wear what we want) is in some cases a far easier challenge to overcome than the torment that some of the women on this site are going through in their search for their own truths. For that I am grateful. We still have the social stigma to overcome, but it can be done. Another responder to this thread mentioned skirtcafe.org, it is also a wonderful site for those of us who identify as male, or mostly male, and wish to wear the clothing of the opposite gender. Both sites (this one and skirtcafe) offer support and encouragement to those of us who are willing to search for our own truths about who we are, and where we think we would like to go on our journey. I am going to suggest that you start wearing the skirts and dresses that you want to. It's frightening beyond belief the first couple of times, but is also liberating and empowering at the same time. It seems to be working for me so far, I hope it will for you as well.

[Eryn]

On weekends I tend to be pretty lax about my male mode dressing. I'll wear Capris in neutral khaki, denim and OD colors and T-shirts that are from the women's side of the aisle but aren't overtly feminine. I don't wear bra, forms or makeup. I wear stud earrings that are larger than most men would wear. I have my own above-the-shoulder hair and clip it back behind my ears for convenience sake with ordinary Goody clips. I normally wear athletic shoes and no-show socks. I carry a khaki mini messenger bag as a purse in male mode

I get ma'amed now and then, particularly if approached from behind. Very few people call me "sir" probably because they are afraid of misgendering a mannish woman. I don't mind either way because I am presenting as I wish to present.

[Rachel Morley]

Has anyone on here ever gone out dressed, but with no attempt to look like a woman?

Well no, not like some of the previous posters have done where they are wearing very feminine clothes (dresses/skirts etc) but otherwise present as a guy, but what I do want to tell you about me is that, well, I do really like wearing girly clothes, and so I wear stuff that is not that girly per se, but my clothes do stand out as obviously women's clothes in boy mode. For example, I like wearing women's jeans, tees and hoodies in fairly significant girly colors and styles ... but I otherwise present as a guy (i.e. no wig or makeup for example). Yes, people do look at me sometimes, but often people don't seem to care. Btw .. I do "turn up the heat" at home a little more.

Despite all of what I have written above, when I'm going out to our TG support group's events I always dress fully and present as best I can.

[Jason+]

Well I always get dressed before I go out, but either as a man or a woman, not in a skirt and boobs but no wig and unshaven.

Some members have reported on their outings dressed as you describe and their interactions with the public but that's not for me. I don't want to call attention to myself or intentionally irritate people.

Why would you equate a lack of desire to pass with attempting to intentionally irritate people? Personally my last outing was to go down to San Diego to pick up my wife's favorite pizza. The pizza place who has seen me either way seems pretty happy to have repeat business whether in a skirt or pants.

No thanks, that's not what I'm about.
This is part of me and I'm not trying to combine the two for effect or anything else. If I'm out then I'm dressed. I'm expressing the woman inside me and not trying to shock others.
If this works for others then so be it, but personally I think this sends the wrong message to the public. Many of us are trying to gain acceptance in the general public and this will be what those outside the community remember, not those of us that reflect a true feminine image.
Just my opinion so please turn off the flame throwers....

I do have a differing opinion but no flame throwers involved. It is a part of me too and I am trying to combine the two options into one integrated and whole me. The part of me that likes skirts, dresses and heels is as inherent a part of me as the musical part. I recognize that I may be more shocking than perfect presentation but I also hope those I encounter will remember that the "man in the dress" was also polite and courteous. It seems to be working so far. The waitress at my favorite breakfast spot doesn't seem mocked or shocked and will ask why I haven't been in recently if I go a few weeks without a visit. If you "pass" or at least fly under the radar have you been "accepted" or just not noticed?

That's a whole little sub category called skag when you dress femme but don't shave or try to have the whole" femme" experience. In the end it's just clothes. The one problem I have is that I like the" hooker" look and need to be more conservative. I guess for a lady of my age I should dress appropriately Kinda think it my be the male chauvinist in me that makes me dress like that? Still working on that

While kind of derogatory "skag-drag" always has been my favorite colorful term although I do prefer my face and legs to be normally shaved.

I want to be clear, those with a need or even just a desire to pass aren't wrong it just isn't me and it's not the only way.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I don't think what I do conforms to what you would think of as "skag-drag"

I am still working on what I think of as "my look" but I'm definitely not trying for what most here are describing. I am quite clearly male, I am not dressing to shock or confuse, I am not trying to make my physicality appear to be anything other than male. I do, want to grab something of the female's way of displaying my physical attractiveness. Skirts and hose draw attention to the legs, my legs look good, I like showing them off. Heels can do that too, but that, to me is just a step too far. I have some issues with heels on women anyway, and I can't make myself taller without risking my head in every doorway.

You could say that I am displaying feminine attributes, but I have disagreements with what mainstream society regards as specifically masculine or feminine traits.

[Katrina26cd]

This has been what i do mostly lately i stay pretty busy so dont have the time to fully dress

i usually where a unisex top then skirt sometimes pantyhose if its not too hot always have painted toes and heels or sandals sometimes paint my nails and wear some light makeup

[annecwesley]

I've sort of been "transitioning" from transvestite to "guy in a skirt". When I take trips out of town I will often go kilted (stealth skirt). Sometimes I'll wear pantyhose and female shoes (guy's shoes are too klunky) with a regular skirt. I'm getting more comfortable with it, I'd love to see more men enjoy some fashion freedom.

[Rachael Leigh]

The closest I come to being out would be I wear women's jeans and I will occasionally take my exercise walk in the park in my girls shorts and top.
Nothing really crazy, never had an issue its usually because Im just wanting to dress how I want and not worry what others think.

[Brenn]

I've sort of been "transitioning" from transvestite to "guy in a skirt". When I take trips out of town I will often go kilted (stealth skirt). Sometimes I'll wear pantyhose and female shoes (guy's shoes are too klunky) with a regular skirt. I'm getting more comfortable with it, I'd love to see more men enjoy some fashion freedom.

I do this with women's shorts. My next step is to try with a skirt. I have gotten quite comfortable with ballet flats and shorts.

[CherylFlint]

No way. Not once, ever.
The world is just a too dangerous a place to play “dress-up” as if it’s some kind of game.
John Wayne said it best, “Life is hard but it’s a lot harder if your stupid”.
Just about 100% of guys can pass as a women. If you’re too fat, don’t eat so much. If you have a belly, don’t drink beer. If you want nice smooth skin, quit smoking.
Eat healthy and exercise. That is, of course, you take dressing seriously. If not, well, that’s up to you, isn’t it?
Me? I’ve made a very large financial investment in forms, bras, blouses, gowns, shoes, purses, makeup, wigs, stockings, girdles and a thousand and one other things to take dressing lightly.
I dress for real.
I suggest you do the same.
Good luck and stay safe,
Cheryl

[jjjjohanne]

This was on BBC News this week:
http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/201...lothes-for-men

Women's clothes for men, or girlfriend dressing.

[Jason+]

John Wayne also said "You're short on ears and long on mouth.”

Big Willy said "If the way I dress is a problem for you then congratulations, we've identified the owner of the problem."

Enjoy your investments and do it your way to the best of your ability. Don't mistake your illusion for someone else's reality along the way.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Have to disagree Cheryll, 100% of men cannot pass as women. Some can, with varying degrees of success, some will always have identifying traits, unless they go to a profesional transformation parlour. I know a post op MtF, and she, after 2-3 years, some facial surgery, and hormones, is what I would call passable. On the other hand, I just being a guy, have been around lots of places in a skirt, and have zero issues. I've been noticed, sometimes, and had some raised eyebrows, but not one word, let alone a confrontation. I can virtually guarantee without great preparation, at a professional level, that I could not go out trying to pass, and that would I think, increase any risk. I don't think around here I would get any serious danger, but I would expect many more people noticing.

[lingerieLiz]

When I was young it was about being a girl. I dressed and went out as a girl. As time went on I also wanted to be me. I like being a guy and liked girls and their clothes. Today I enjoy the clothes and while I don't try to look or be a woman I dress in what many women wear.

[AlyssaS]

Never in skirts, but I've gone on trains/planes with feminine sweaters, VS add two cup bras but no forms, women's jeans, and women's flats or 2-3" heel boots.

[docrobbysherry]

I've chatted with a few on line and met one at a T girl event a month ago.

Other the dress and heels, she made no attempt to pass or fool anyone. Altho she hadn't been out much, we met at a vanilla venue. She seemed quite comfortable and confident.

While some of my T friends mite have been cautious about hanging out with her, it doesn't bother me. She was good company!

And, since I can never pass and live in a glass house? I'm the last one to start throwing stones at anyone for how they dress!

[AlanaG]

No, I would never pass. Today I wore a skirt and pantyhose with a mans shirt and shoes. The wife and I went out to eat, shopped in a mall and then went to Costco. I liked wearing the skirt and I don't care what anyone thinks. There are no "rules" to dressing. Do what you're comfortable with.

[Sonya]

I think this is a great thread and once again it demonstrated how much we are all the same but different. If you love wearing skirts and high heels why shouldn’t you have the right to do that in public or private, why do we have to try to pass??? It really is just about the clothes for some of us and there is nothing wrong with that. I would love to walk out of the door with the outfit below, maybe one day I will!

024.JPG

I am really not sure where I actually sit on the gender spectrum and I do enjoy dressing full so that I can blend in without attracting too much unwanted negative attention. I know I won’t be breaking any laws where I live if I decide to wear typical female clothes and go out in public and ultimately it is my choice but it is still very hard for me to ignore other people’s expectations on how a genetic male should present himself.

Love and respect to all.

[Stephanie Voorhees]

No way. Not once, ever.
The world is just a too dangerous a place to play “dress-up” as if it’s some kind of game.
John Wayne said it best, “Life is hard but it’s a lot harder if your stupid”.
Just about 100% of guys can pass as a women. If you’re too fat, don’t eat so much. If you have a belly, don’t drink beer. If you want nice smooth skin, quit smoking.
Eat healthy and exercise. That is, of course, you take dressing seriously. If not, well, that’s up to you, isn’t it?
Me? I’ve made a very large financial investment in forms, bras, blouses, gowns, shoes, purses, makeup, wigs, stockings, girdles and a thousand and one other things to take dressing lightly.
I dress for real.
I suggest you do the same.
Good luck and stay safe,
Cheryl

I find most every thing said in this post to be offensive, and flat out arrogant. Because I don't do it the way you do, I'm stupid? I don't think so! What exactly defines "dressing for real"? Fooling someone into believing that you're something you're not (female) is "dressing for real"? Also you imply in your rant about being fat, having a belly, and having bad skin being giveaways. What world do you live in where genetic women don't have these problems too? I dress for me... No one else. I am doing no one a disservice by having a beard with my dress and heels.

[heatherdress]

Has anyone on here ever gone out dressed, but with no attempt to look like a woman?
-Deane

Deane - Not sure why you would want to go out dressed like a woman but with no intention of looing like a woman. Does that mean simply wearing some female items? Or fully dressed without makeup/wig? Sorry, but what do you mean?

I enjoy wearing women's shoes and jeans in male mode. Sort of "Heather lite". Maybe some other items. Or some subtle makeup at night. Usually very unnoticeable. No one really cares what you wear.

I suggest you experiment. Wear something that you would enjoy wearing. Stay in your comfort zone and expand as you build confidence.

[Mgreenva]

excellent thread. I too do not try to pass. I wear hose and flats out and about and no one seems to care.. I have gotten giggles and have gotten smiles but what does it matter anyway. I love the feel of hose and secondary ladies shoes. I only once went into a gas station wearing heels and that was over the top for me but I go into and out of town walmart wearing flats on a regular basis. im just comfortable doing it..Im not hurting anyone and could care less what any one thinks

[MaryAnn40c]

I have gone out dressed without makeup and really most are looking at what you are wearing then the face. Men comment on your legs and shoes...women just look and wish they could wear heels.

[Majella St Gerard]

I always present as a "man in a dress". That is the way I feel comfortable, I do not wear wigs and try to pass myself off as a woman, that is just not me. Even if I tried, I could NEVER pass. I love the clothes, I love the way they make me feel and I think I pull off the look very well. I go out very often dressed and have had only one bad experience when someone yelled "queer" at me from a passing pick up truck. Lots of people assume that I am gay and I do get asked a lot of questions about my attire, I simply explain myself and most people say that they admire me for my courage and "balls". That is my style and I think it works for me, it's not for everyone. Some people here feel the need to go all out and be 100% female in appearance even though they do not "pass". There are no rules to this, whatever floats your boat.

[Tracii G]

Pretty much how I dress everyday in guy mode minus the breast forms.
Womens jeans, top and shoes.
Bracelets and rings sometimes.

[jacques]

man in a dress at home; woman in trousers outside.