Dressed NOT to pass in public?

[GypsyGirl10]

Deane: Thanks for asking the question. It sure raises some people's hackles, but I'm like you, mustache too. At home I dress in women's clothes, jewelry, and heels but don't try to look like a woman, although I've gotten more femme as time goes on. My wife is cool with my current situation and sometimes draws my attention to clothes, jewelry, or purses I might like. But to your question:

I started wearing androgynous-looking women's shoes with 2-3" heels in the '90s and carried a small "man bag" but didn't go further. I got laughed at once in a mall and it made me chicken out, although I did confront my detractors. Last year I started hiking in a short skirt but otherwise male presentation. It was amazing! On hot days it felt so liberating to be free of the inseam and feel the air between my thighs. This winter I hiked in women's tights. Got a couple of uncomprehending looks from guys but the women were OK with it. Gradually I've gone out - and to work - in more and more jewelry (gemstone necklaces, small earrings, bracelets). People have asked about them and I say I'm just being creative. I'm sure some think I'm gay, but that's their limited thinking. I do yoga in women's colored tights and have had some fun conversations with other male & female yogis about them. It usually makes others get more creative and colorful too. Some people stare but I just own my style and act confident. I can also laugh at myself and that eases people's confusion.

Lately I've wanted to wear wedge-heeled sandals out to the store, etc., but haven't yet. They look great with my skinny jeans and I'm really tempted. I've been wearing dangling earrings out too and had some nice compliments on them.

As others have mentioned, I couldn't pass as a woman without hormones and some surgery and I'm not sure that's my goal anyway. To me it's about gender diversity and not just fitting into (passing) one side or the other of a rigid gender binary. I don't fit into the male binary now or I wouldn't be crossdressing. So I'm trying to express what I am, somewhere in between, without getting the s**t kicked out of me. Baby steps for now but I see more creative expression coming.

Thanks, Gypsy.

[ThiHi]

Wonderful discussion. I'm not trying to "pass". That said, I get Ma'amed everywhere, almost no matter what i wear. I wear MJs for shoes (So comfy, need new ones), cute socks, women's pants, sometimes leggings. I have some nice rings I wear. No facial hair, and I'm small for a man. I have vacationed in skirts, but haven't done that where we live.

Like many of you, I believe it's what you want to wear or do, as long as you're not trying to hurt anyone. I've had more than a few looks, but very few conversations. I even got hit on in Vegas ;-)

Wear what you want, where you feel ok doing it.

And, please don't try and dictate what others should do. That sets us fallback, psychologically and emotionally. To tell someone that's trying to find their path, their comfort level that they're wrong to feel as they do is just hurtful. Please refrain from that. Thank you.

[CherylFlint]

Maybe I missed something.
I believe the operative word was “SAFE”.
Hello? Anybody paying attention? I’ve been dressing for 30 years and I know that when a guy, or guys, think you’re a woman and make a move, only to realize you’re not a real FOX or get turned-down, then they can get pretty darn mean in a heartbeat.
That was my point.
So go ahead, put yourself in danger if it makes you feel good, but if you do, don’t say you weren’t warned.
The idea here, I thought, was to offer CONSTRUCTIVE thoughts, and the MOST constructive thought is to offer suggestions on how to be safe and hints from life’s experience to keep us safe.
Enough said.

[Tina955]

I'm thinking if guys had the exact freedom to wear whatever they want with absolutely no prejudice like women have the pleasure of doing, it may ease the gender dysphoria for many. Especially for those who just want the freedom to express what they like to wear and not trying to pass as a woman. But I guess it would depend where you are on the GD scale how much it would help.

Tina

[UNDERDRESSER]

Maybe I missed something.
I believe the operative word was “SAFE”.
Hello? Anybody paying attention? I’ve been dressing for 30 years and I know that when a guy, or guys, think you’re a woman and make a move, only to realize you’re not a real FOX or get turned-down, then they can get pretty darn mean in a heartbeat.
That was my point.
So go ahead, put yourself in danger if it makes you feel good, but if you do, don’t say you weren’t warned.
The idea here, I thought, was to offer CONSTRUCTIVE thoughts, and the MOST constructive thought is to offer suggestions on how to be safe and hints from life’s experience to keep us safe.
Enough said.

Safe? Where does it say that in the OP? I have to wonder who is safer, a guy who is trying to be nothing more than a guy, albeit wearing a skirt, or someone who is trying to pass, but fails at the last moment when her attempted brush-off of the crude pick up line goes wrong when the voice breaks? I don't really expect to get hit on wearing my skirt, but I have had a dude compliment me meaningfully on my bike shorts while browsing in a book store. Then, I did the same thing I would do if it happened in a skirt, thanked him and turned away.

What you feel is what you feel, that's your privilege, but your reaction to other points of view seems far too extreme, at least that's the way it comes across in text. If you see what you do as some sort of ...mission? Avocation? That's you, and your thing. It isn't mine. I admit that seeing how some of the other guys do it is something I wouldn't try, because it's not what I'm after, and it would bring more attention. If they want to take the risk, their lookout. If you want to advise them otherwise, fair enough, but please tone down the attitude.

[Alice_2014_B]

Sometimes I go, what I call, half-dressed around the house, which is generally just a T-shirt, skirt and heels with an occasional bra and/or black pantyhose; that's no makeup and facial hair just however it is that day.
Other times I'll go fully-dressed and not leave the house.
But every time I leave the house or at band practice I'm fully dressed to pass.

[Teresa Monsivais]

I think that's awesome for those that who go out they way they want. For me its always been the heels. I would love to just use heels with my men's attire. I usually wear mens dress pants that are skinny/straight leg pants that are slightly fitted and look well with heels. I usually go out that way to my car and wear them during my drive. However, I change once I get to work and I am always careful when I leave the house so that I don't get caught wearing them. When I go out as Teresa I do try to perfect the look but I know I will never have the look to pass. I try to perfect the look simply because I like to believe one day I can blend in. But I have become more comfortable with not blending in. I do wear some yoga pants out as a guy and bought some woman's running shorts for this summer (not spandex or super short but shorter than mens and in colors that can pass as guys.) When I have worn my yoga pants my gf does notice that few people glance because the pants are somewhat tight around my butt and thighs but for the most part it gets unnoticed or I tend to think that it does since I never had any problems. For me, dressing as Teresa allows me to wear heels in public without showing who I am. It's my disguise if you will to hide my male mode. I have to be careful not to get recognized because of the work I do, but even if I did not do what I do for a living I think I would still not have the courage or comfort to go out in heels. So I think that awesome that there are people out there doing what makes them happy. Keep doing what makes you be you!

[grumpus]

Sure. From another one of those "guys in a dress" (or pants and blouse and full bra) I really enjoy just putting on those clothes and going out. I don't want to be a woman, as I'm comfortable with my masculinity. Yeah, it's a contradiction, but that's who I am.

[jjjjohanne]

I never present female, but wear all womenswear including skirts/hose/etc. when I go out. I avoid bows, floral patterns, lace, low cut neck lines, etc. I have caught myself saying to sales people, "No, I don't want to look feminine." or "I want to dress pretty and retain my masculinity. Once a sales person gets it, they are a really big help. Until then, there is a lot of confusion and wasted time...