Importance of a support system

[Megan G]

I am usually a very private person, and I attribute most of that to my upbringing where I was taught to keep your problems close and not let it out for others to see. So inherently I do not lean on people for advice or help very often and in most cases by the time I do reach out for help the damage has been done.

The last few months have been increasingly difficult for me. Living in a small town does not allow me many opportunities to get out and live as my authentic self so much of what I have been doing has been privately.

Laser Hair Removal - Private
Support Group once a month - Semi Private (far from anyone I know)
And only living as Megan when my son (8 years old)is not around - NOT THAT OFTEN

So it has been difficult and the pressure and GD has been building for a long time. I have been blessed with a very understanding wife who is still by my side and even has pressured me into getting a referral to CAMH to get the ball rolling. But still only living semi-part time has been tough and a huge drain emotionally.

So over the past few months I have been falling deeper and deeper into a depression and just recently found myself in a really really bad place. I was at the end of my rope and was considering the unthinkable. Instead of reaching out to the support system I had in place ( friends that I have came out to and so far have been very accepting and supportive) I kept these feelings internal and just let them fester inside me until I could no longer take it last week.

Well the good news is I finally reached out to my wife and my one close friend after 3 days of constant crying, explained to them where I was and I got the help I needed. My wife set up an appointment the next day with my therapist and my friend continuously tried to talk me off that ledge (along with my wife). I went to see my therapist and we had a good long chat.

Her opinion is that I had been living 2 lives for too long that were in direct conflict with each other. I was not allowing Megan to bleed into everyday life enough. So I left the office feeling a little better with a "do to list" that includes opening up to my son and telling him the truth.

I have read many times on here about the importance of establishing a real life support system and I cannot stress how important that is but in my case you need to use them as well!!!

Megan

[Jorja]

As you have discovered recently, a support system is critical to your success. I too come from a time where your problems were kept privately. I too found my self in a really deep dark place because of it. I know it is much easier said than done but it is time you let go of all of that. Reach out when you are having problems. You will be stronger and in a better position to fight the battles yet to come your way.

[kimdl93]

If you think about it, we all need these systems, however they manifest themselves in our lives. I'm so glad you have this in your wife and friend, particularly in this difficult time.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

You're so right about trusting your supporters Megan, and I'm glad it paid off.

How does your wife feel about you telling your son? You will talk it through with her first won't you?

Hugs, Nikki

[Eringirl]

Hi Megan. So glad that you finally did have the courage to reach out. I know only too well the words to that song. I struggled for quite a while trying to build a support system, and while it is still a work in progress, it is getting better. So will yours. Yes, there is not much point in having a support system if you don't use it. I get the culture that you were exposed to and keeping things private. But it is better for everyone if you use it. That is what they are there for. At times I rely heavily on my therapists, at other times, I find I am okay with just chatting with friends, particularly the ones I have made here. I am getting stronger, which is a good thing, because I know I am in for both good and bad days, but with my support system, I know I will get through it. Sometimes I will get a bit bruised, but will come out the other side. So will you.

Keep us posted....use this forum as part of your system....great people here.....for you.

[Bria]

Support of family and friends is very important, we see on this forum how difficult it is to maintain relationship while making major changes. However if it is possible to maintain those relationships, it makes everything else easier.

I hope things go well for you in the near future, I'll remember you in my prayers.

Hugs, Bria

[MsVal]

Megan, just stop being such a ... such a ... "guy". (grin)

Guys aren't all together bad, but they just don't handle some emotional things very well. They have been raised in an environment where guys are expected to be stoic, brave, self sufficient, and nearly devoid of emotions. Guy's parents expect them to have those values, role models demonstrate those values, their friends perpetuate them, and they conform to them.

That's all well and good ... but it's a lie, isn't it?

We've lived our lives hiding half our "self" and making an attempt to handle all of life's challenges with only the visible half. You have an incredible other side that is much more than a manikin for pretty clothes. If you let yourself more completely embrace those feelings, do you think it would be easier to talk through your problems? This IS a support group. We CAN be the soft, warm shoulder that you lean on.

Consider, please reach out to your friends here at the first sign of another episode. You can use PM if it's too sensitive for the forum.

((hug))

Best wishes
MsVal

[babygirl79]

Megan, I feel for you sister. I am kinda the same place with a few differences. I'm just starting out myself and in need of support. And I hope all goes well with you, your wife,and your son.

[whowhatwhen]

It's most definitely important and I'll pass along this bit of advice:
While you can go it alone HOLY CRAP IT SUCKS!

[Marleena]

Megan you are so right about needing and using a support system. I don't have one here, you know about my city. Glad you're feeling better and reached out in time.