A sort of resolution, finally!

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm one of those crossdressers who sometimes faces the mirror as I'm doing my makeup or getting dressed and says to the reflection, "What are you doing? Why do you do this?" Then I shrug my shoulders, continue getting ready and occasionally go out. In the back of my brain the conversation continues; "Where are you going with this? Where are you on the ole TG spectrum?" etc. etc. Then it hit me. I NEVER have that conversation with my image when I'm dressing in guy mode. I don't question where how masculine I am or why I feel the need to wear jeans and a tee shirt instead of shorts and a Aloha shirt.

The way I interpret that is I'm a crossdresser. I'm transgender, but not transexual. I'm an active one, willing to go out in public and involve myself with others and with a lot of interest in exploring the feminine aspects of my personality, but getting there permanently isn't on the agenda. My needs for integration and authenticity are being met at this level for now and I'm probably going to stay here, probably.

But it was the process of asking the same question from my guy side that brought a little bit of resolution to a problem that has been confounding me for quite some time. It seems simple now, but I've had blinders on as I've looked at it only from the femme side of the equation.

What techniques or questions have you found that help you find resolutions to your identity?

[c2candice]

Hi Sarah,

I think we have reached similar outcomes. There is definitely a spectrum of identities. It's all what feels genuine to you.

Best technique for me was giving myself time. Asking the hard questions over time. Even though I might be afraid of the answer. It will come. It takes time to get used to feeling comfortable with a new self-identity paradigm.

Therapy helped a little.

Taking it over with my wife helped a little, but there is a tendency to tell other people what they want to hear, not what you feel.
Hugs,
Candice

[Bria]

What a good question! I think that as a guy, sometimes its Jeans and a T shirt when that is the guy I want to project. Then later it's a shirt and tie with a sport coat to project a different image. Occasionally it's a tux or tails for yet a different guy image.

We dress for the occasion and to project the image that we want others to see.

Sooooo, what's the problem of dressing in girl clothes for the occasion and to project the image that we want others to see at that time? A GG at the grocery store, different clothes to go out to a club in the evening, a gown for a formal occasion.

As guys we do it with out thinking!

My 2 cents!

Hugs, Bria

[kimdl93]

Really, for me the question is when am I most comfortable with who I am and, well, happiest. The answer for me is when I'm dressed. When in male model I don't feel that I have significant GD, only a slight I'll at ease that I can easily overlook as I go about my daily activities, but I do feel a sense of relief...like a pressure has been removed when I switch back to female mode.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah, It's amazing what that pretty lady in the mirror is thinking.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Sara and Candice, I feel the same way you do. However, I have never really asked the question, WHY? I just keep doing it.

[Beverley Sims]

Sarah,

I don't bother asking questions like that...

I would probably send an email these days.

[cdterri]

Why ask why??????????

[Amy Lynn3]

Sarah, I'm with you on this....many years ago, I told myself just hang on for the ride, because it is what it is.

[RachelCross]

Sarah, what a great revelation for you and such a freeing one. Thank you for sharing. I am reflective as well and have several moments of clarity (by clarity I mean I am removing the stereotypical thinking our society places on us regarding our roles as men and how we should dress). It's a wonderful feeling. I hope all the best for you on your journey. ~ Rachel

[Jilmac]

I stopped questioning my motives to dress long ago and resolved to be myself whether it's me in guy mode or as Jill.

[Ally 2112]

I asked the same question for years never have figured it out .So when i do it now i just accept it and ask very little questions

[Sarah Doepner]

I accepted the fact that I was a crossdresser years ago. That was the first major step toward understanding and living a more authentic life where I accept all that's me. Then came the desire to share Sarah with a wider world, and that slowly resolved itself, indeed I just spent a week in Las Vegas leaving the room only one time in guy mode, so I guess that's no longer a major problem.

The issue I've been addressing this time wasn't that, but how far along the path was I going to go. Applying an old question under different circumstances seemed to help bring clarity. It worked to change the frame of reference and force me to think about my gender identity from a different perspective. I can't say that the issue is resolved, but I understand better now than I did before. With fewer questions and another way to address confusion when it arises, I feel a little more in control and that helps.

That's why I come here, to find out how others manage or fail to manage a cross-gender life.