That lifelong awkward feeling.......

[CarlaWestin]

......of not knowing what women want. That confused curiosity as children when boys do the 'no girls allowed' clubhouse thing yet, I felt more comfortable being included in the Barbie dream house play. Always included to do the Ken thing but, more interested in what Barbie was wearing. Fortunately, I had the high sense of visual and tactile, hunter gatherer skill sets but, I was never too interested in sports or hunting much. Not a total loss though as I'm a master of building, machines and circuitry. But, when it comes to women, I've never really figured out what they want or how they want it. I've always, very femininely, wanted to be the the receiver of emotional stimulation or the focal point of allure. Yet the women I've been with have always held the position that I was merely capable of being some elusive image of the domineering brutus of a man in their desire world. Whenever I asked, "What turns you on?" The response is usually about something that I should know naturally. So far, I've just figured out the mechanics of coitus to simulate that natural ability. Evidently, I emulate enough natural maleness because when I ask what the initial attraction was I always get the same answer. "You're a bad boy!" Well, yes. More often than I like, my Irish shows. Maybe that makes them feel protected. And, I have a comfortable handle on finances. Another plus. And a good sense of humor. It's all a very desirable package.

Until it's disclosed that I like being female, too.

It doesn't matter at which part of the relationship that's mentioned. It's always a traumatic game changer or as my wife glorifies it.

--The Fatal Flaw==

Oh well, I've rambled enough. Anyone care to comment or explain?

[pamela7]

Teehee Carla, this thread could get "interesting".
Every person has unique wants and needs. I used to wonder about the "you should just know" aspect, and actually by acquiring deep emotional empathy I normally do just know, if anything it's men I don't understand!

Being explicit about knowing in the bedroom, the wetter she gets the more turned on she is - therefore be aware of that as feedback, that's simple and physical. But repetition can bore, so then there's variety. Sounds like she wants you to be be a "bad boy" - work out what that means in life and bed!

xxx Pamela

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

If the basic question is "What do women want In a man?", the answers are as varried as women themselves. The one generalization I can offer is that the majority want to feel a sense of security, be that emotional, physical, or financial. Each woman has her own ranking for these, but all are necessary. The only real way to answer the question is to develop a deep, trusting relationship with a woman and the answer will manifest itself in due time..

[Beverley Sims]

Carla,
I worked out from an early age how to get along with girls..

Boy! they are still a puzzlement though.

[Suzie Petersen]

I guess I never had a specific problem understanding women ... it is a more general problem for me .. people suck!

Always did well in the male role and never hated being male, as many describe their feelings here. I'm fine with the male stuff and quite enjoy doing all the things that fall in the male camp. I have often said that I think if I had been born a girl, I would probably be a crossdresser! I just enjoy both roles and dont really want to be stuck in either.

- Suzie

[Jorja]

Haha, with almost sixty years of trying to figure women out, I have determined one thing. Half of the time they don't know what they want and the other half of the time, what they want doesn't exist.

[Shaedow]

From a GG perspective, the things I want in a man are simple, & I think my SO would agree.

1) Safety: I want to know that my man can protect me, not only in the physical sense, but from the "dangers" & pitfalls of every day life.

2) Security: I want to know that I can count on my man to be there for me, love & comfort me, no matter how "off the wall" I can get (& that's quite a bit for me! lol).

3) Understanding: I want my man to understand some of my "quirks" & "inconsistencies," many of which could be considered more general "female" traits & many which would not.

4) Sense of humor: I want my man to not only be able to laugh with me, but to be able to laugh at the situation, whatever it may be, and at himself.

5) Creativity: I want my man to be able to "think outside the box" & be able to come up with new solutions to old problems. With this ability, he is able to challenge me to enhance my sense of feminity, learning more myself about the nuances of makeup, hair, facial care, etc.

These are just my wants / needs in a man, & I don't even begin to speak for other GG's, as all people, as pointed out already, have their own way of looking at things & of being.

Shaedow

[Dana44]

Ha, over sixty years and many women, let's see, they are varied to infinity. When i ask them how to turn them on, they say you know how. Scratch my head. I knew they did not know that answer. So, creatively i figured that out. Some like sensuous torture and they get really hot. One female I had, it was the work you did around the house that got her going. Touch on her never worked. LOL so on every woman, they are special, pretty easy to figure out when you had enough of them. Yet you have to adjust to her desires and drive the sexual encounters. Oh and I had a couple that seemed pretty good at that. Ah ha, Fatal flaw... Not. I am very creative and a writer. Been an engineer all my life and was more of a scientist. At HP, the Engineers called me a wizard because I could see things they could not on problems solutions. Yep women are hard to figure out, yet so much loyalty from them except for one i had. So as we are feminine and have been since birth as men. It has given us a special view into both sides of the spectrum. Sex with a woman can become better as we explore each other more deeply. Kinda like a tantric relationship. And hoot, I know that it is hard yet, in a strange thread I read on another forum. Was the question for the heterosexual males. Tell the truth, would you ever want banged. There were thousands of responses and many said that they were so happy about that and their wives took command and did them, they considered themselves not gay and only wanted it from their wives. Now, gees here we are crossdressing and having pretty normal sex with our females. Yet there is so much variance out there that no relationship should have a fatal flaw except for the one called trust. That is the only fatal flaw in a relationship.

[Nicole Erin]

If a woman didn't reject a potential mate for being TG, they would find SOME other reason.
They will pick apart every little thing just looking for imperfections and use it as a reason to dismiss someone.
Even if you ARE their standard of "perfect", they will still find some reason.

The worst part though is that usually the less they have to offer, the more picky they are. I have dated some really undesirable women who have at least a few of these qualities - ugly, overweight, have small kids, not even legally divorced yet, broke, have mental issues that require medications, dried-up libido, middle aged, smokes 3 packs a day, physical ailments that rule their lives... who think they should not have to settle.
Nope, they want the very best. They don't realize that the "Very best" is more into - 36-24-36, early 20's, healthy, fit, no baggage, full of life, HIGH libido...

It is kind of like if someone took $500 to a car lot and expected a like-new car. Nope.

Sadly, my last excuse of a girlfriend had ALL those negative qualities. She looked like the woman you would be afraid of if you went to a women's prison.

[reb.femme]

For Nicole Erin - not all negative experiences then? Truthfully, I see so much of that in both genders, unfortunately.

If anyone works out completely what pleases their partner (male or female), I think the book you could write would make you a billionaire overnight.

On the lighter side, I would never ask my wife to make me a cup of tea. I find it so much easier to click my fingers or clap my hands. The last time I did that, I woke up in hospital two days later with four teeth missing. We still laugh about it now,....but I cover my mouth when smiling .

Rebecca

[Teresa]

Carla,
The problem I had was finding out too early what women wanted ! The way my Cding started obviously with a large dose of testosterone appeared to attract the girls ! Physically I developed early so probably gave off the right signals and they appeared to know naturally what they wanted from me, even when two of my GFs knew about my CDing it didn't put them off ! Having to ask what turns you on didn't come into somehow it all seamed instinctive !
Yes I had all the abilities to build and design things, have a wicked sense of humour, but was not good with money, just enjoyed buying nice things for the girls ( OK me included !) and made sure I had a reasonable set of wheels to whisk them away to the pub or somewhere secluded ! Never got called a bad boy I guess because I always had a smile on my face and wanted to have some fun !
Even now my wife knows if I was available again I would have no trouble in finding a partner, she says jokingly that she knew how to put them off ! I know differently !

[flatlander_48]

From a GG perspective, the things I want in a man are simple, & I think my SO would agree.

1) Safety: I want to know that my man can protect me, not only in the physical sense, but from the "dangers" & pitfalls of every day life.

S:

This is interesting as I think men want the same thing, but it is Emotional Safety instead of Physical Safety.

DeeAnn

[ReineD]

That lifelong awkward feeling.......
......of not knowing what women want. ... or how they want it.

We want what I think you want, which is to be wanted, loved, valued, appreciated. Admired even.

I've always, very femininely, wanted to be the the receiver of emotional stimulation or the focal point of allure.

But is this strictly a feminine thing? Men are the receivers of emotional stimulation all the time and women know just how to stimulate them. As to being the focal point of allure, I take it that you mean you want to be desired (just like women want their men to desire them). You should read this article, written by a man:

Do Men Need To Feel Desired and Should They

The nutshell is that women do desire men, but men don't read it that way. Men are more likely to read it as appreciation or affection and so they need to be told they are desired, which is something that not a lot of women say out loud. But this doesn't mean that women don't desire men. The author goes on to say that men who know they are desired really enjoy that feeling too.

Yet the women I've been with have always held the position that I was merely capable of being some elusive image of the domineering brutus of a man in their desire world. Whenever I asked, "What turns you on?" The response is usually about something that I should know naturally. So far, I've just figured out the mechanics of coitus to simulate that natural ability.

So what you're saying is that in bed you don't particularly feel like a man, you align yourself more in the female camp, and you're at a loss to know why they expect you to be a male? (Not trying to be difficult, just trying to figure out what you are saying).

So my question to you is, do you want the women you're with, and if so, why is it difficult to show it? Why did you have to figure it out mechanically? Sexually, this is what women want ... they want to know that they are wanted, they want to feel that the man they are with is into them sexually. She wants to know and feel like she floats his boat. Just like men do. I mean, a man who is with a woman who is into having sex with him will have a much better experience than if she is just lying passively there, won't he?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I can't begin to comment or explain, but you're certainly one interesting individual!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Carla, I just give up trying to figure it out, I just go with the FLO.

[Tina_gm]

Hetero women will have a basic physical attraction to strong masculinity, for the most part. If there is one thing I have observed is that a majority of women are quite flexible or variant of the men they can be partners with. If there is one constant in all of it is that regardless of who, that man will own whoever he is and whatever he does. It is the unspoken confidence that comes with that ownership of oneself and what we do with it.

We all have our internal conflicts in life, but women can connect to our inner core, and when they do, that is who we fall for. The strong masculine energy we give off is a bonus, perhaps a big one, but the inner strength and the safety they feel if they know we will be there for them and with them is powerful as any attribute we can have.

[ReineD]

Hetero women will have a basic physical attraction to strong masculinity, for the most part.

Just think back to all the kids you went to high school with. I was in a large high school with about 2,000 students. The spectrum of masculinity among the boys was very wide. There were of course the jocks, but there were the nerds, artistic/creative types, unassuming types, awkward/shy types, non-aggressive types, short, tall, chiseled features, non-chiseled features, fat, skinny, etc. I bet they pretty much all ended up in relationships, they all found someone who was into them.

The idea that hetero women are all physically attracted to strong masculinity is not true ... unless you and I have different things in mind when thinking about "strong masculinity?" Not everyone gives off "strong masculinity". There are very sensitive, caring men out there and they have no issues finding partners. I personally am attracted to the intellectual, caring type, and in fact, the jock type turns me off.

If there is one constant in all of it is that regardless of who, that man will own whoever he is and whatever he does. It is the unspoken confidence that comes with that ownership of oneself and what we do with it.

This is true, but I think this is applicable to both men and women. Doesn't everyone want someone who knows who they are and what they want ... isn't this the definition of confidence? OK, many of us can have periods in life when we might question our worth or some of our abilities especially after experiencing a form of loss, but for the most part we get through by doing the things we need to in order to survive, we make decisions and follow through, which is what most adults do. If you had your choice between two women: one who owns who she is and takes responsibility for what she does (even if she experiences occasional loss and muddles through for awhile), and one who doesn't ... which would you choose?

Last, I agree with your comment that we tend to fall in love with someone who connects to our inner cores, no matter what these inner cores are. But there is a huge spectrum of inner cores among both men and women.

Shaedow above mentions that she needs to know she is safe physically and from other life dangers. Flatlander mentions that men need emotional safety. I think that we, all of us, need both, although a man is better able to defend himself against another man than a woman is. Obviously there are physical differences between the average male and female. But I think that fundamentally, it is human nature to seek partners who will navigate through life with us and with whom we can combine our individual strengths and weaknesses to face the world together. An example of this was when my ex was fired from a company he had been with all his adult life, in his early 50s. He was devastated. During this time, I was a rock. I think most wives would be.

[Lorileah]

hmmm what do I want? Mary Chapin Carpenter asks that question in one of her songs...Passionate kisses.

I don't think this is a male/female thing but more a perspective thing. Safety is safety; emotionally, physically. we all want that. But since there are many of us here who are women internally if not externally do we have the same desires and wants that you are assuming a GG wants? Reine made a good point, seems that everybody finds somebody sometime (sorry Dean Martin). And if you stop and think about it, it is MORE the younger who base the whole thing on physicality. Smart women would take Bill Gates over the Rock in my opinion. Gates can BUY physical security. I went to my 40th High School reunion last year. Most people are not what they were then (a few were still but most weren't especially the TG). Those who I saw as desirable 40 years ago and no longer desirable. And those I saw as not desirable may have things going now that make them a good catch. From my perspective men who are slight built yet smart and no facial hair will win every time over a hulk. The women in my life must have had the same view.

So, as far as Shaedow's list, maybe less specific but it covers human wants and desires.

I want someone (gender unimportant) who wants to be with me and wants to be part of my life and who will help me build a life. If they fit a physical criteria that is cream on the top