I was just about to click Submit with a response to your first post, when I saw this. I agree, the 'prison' is being bound by secrecy and fearing the aftermath of having people find out. It's hard to strike a balance under these circumstances. A lot of forum members say they are out and everything is fine, but I wonder if the bulk of their accepting friends are part of our community. Or, if their family/other friends/coworkers/etc know, do they participate ... do they go out with members while they are dressed. Do they include them (while dressed) in their family get-togethers, block parties, office get-togethers, etc.
I think that people in general can give the impression they are accepting by simply not being rude, but to me the proof of the pudding lies in how much they actually include a dressed CDer in their lives together with an absence of gossip and judgment when the CDer is not around.