What did you think when you were younger?

[suzanne]

OMG, good question! For me the answer is complicated. When I was a teenager in the mid seventies, the culture that surrounded me despised non-conforming males. My father would point out men who appeared effeminate or just wore their hair long and remark, "That thing needsto have a bullet in it's brain. So, when I discovered my fascination for my mom's wardrobe, I was shocked, disgusted and fearful for my safety. Needless to say, I kept a low profile. But, sometime around then, I read a letter printed in Penthouse Forum. Whether it was true or just a fabrication by an imaginative writer, it captured my imagination. The writer, a woman in her mid thirties, told the story of the seventeen year old boy who lived next door. In the end, he bought some skirts, tops and heels and dressed up for her. She said he looked completely feminine. Instead of being put off, I was fascinated and wanted to have that experience myself. But I could never admit that to anyone.

[Maria in heels]

Ah...when I was young, just wearing those beautiful black patent leather platform high heels from my step mother was all it took. Of course I had the clothing as well, and once old enough, learned to buy from Rainbow Shops so I could have my own things....

My dressing back then when I was very young was not about entertainment, but about being myself .... I loved sleeping dressed and getting up early to change back as it was my secret

[Chrissie1_1]

For me dressing has always been sexual, even when I first tried it I can remember being sexually aroused and I was quite young. This continued through a period when I also experimented with my sexuality and was a mutually dependent situation - I needed to be dressed to feel sexually attracted to my (one and only male) partner and I needed to have sex when I was dressed. As I continued to dress I discovered fetish wear and that is where I feel most comfortable, with a female lover, now wife, but it is, for me still solely about sex.

[Angie G]

I started dressing at about age 11 or 12 years old. Better then 50 years ago. back then I didn't now what gay even was other then happy. Putting on a pice of womans clothes what ever I could find and when I could put them on. I did it, it felt good to have them on. no ever knew till 8 years ago wheh I told my wife
I was never sorry I dressed.
Angie

[LaurenNZ]

I don't think I recognised it as cross dressing when I first started (10 or 11), it was just the wonderful feeling the softness of the panties and lingerie that I borrowed against my body. The feel of the firmness of a swimsuit and the texture of the material. These memories have stayed and now I indulge in my own selection of pretty clothes. Although still closeted I still get the same thrill out of being nicely attired.

[Kristy 56]

You know this is a really good question,and I don't really remember. What I do remember is trying on my sisters clothes and not wanting to get caught. I do remember watching the little rascals and seeing some cross dressing in a few of the episodes,also school plays sometimes there was a female role to be played. I never stepped up,so I guess I was afraid of ridicule. But then again ,teachers were still in the dark ages and would put a bow in your hair as punishment and call you a sissy. This was in the early 60's ,and I don't remember any girls being ridiculed for being a tomboy.

[carolynmartin]

I remember my mother would leave her high heels in the living room after a night out with my father. Before they woke up, I would put her shoes on and play secretary, sometimes asking my younger brother to dictate letters to me! I was about six at the time. I often wonder if my brother has any memory of that.

My mother says I loved to watch her get ready when going out, offering suggestions on what to wear. Eventually I got the message that boys don't like girl things, so I tried to hide my attractions. Since I was the oldest there was no big sister's closet to raid. I started furtively wearing my mothers clothes when I was twelve.

I was not happy being a boy.

[jennyph]

Back then I didn't even know what crossdressing and crossdressers are. All I knew was that I liked wearing women's clothing and it wasn't right for boys to do that for some reason.

This sounds exactly like my experience too. I was about 5 or 6 when I first thought about putting on female clothes. However, even then, I knew based on comments I had heard from family members (using words I won't repeat here) that I shouldn't want to do that.

[Maria 60]

I guess thinking about it now, I never really tried to figure it out, but everytime I dressed it was going to be the last time. But I could never resist that feeling of those pantyhose as I pulled them up my legs. Thought I could stop anytime, but I was wrong. I remember being in high school and dating many girls and then wondering why I wanted to dress up. It was a confusing and guilty time in my life.

[karenpayneoregon]

Hard to remember back that far but kind of remember that I just acted female with no second thought about it. I was chastised by the other boys just about everyday in grade school about acting female rather than male. Lived in a secluded community were I was never exposed to gender issues until in my late teenage years and even then as many are confused so was I when things started to mature in a way not that of a female which was upsetting. As with many I would do my best to distance myself from the female within but that only lasted so long.

My mother saw it but never said anything which she told me after transitioning to female. She said she could easily visualize me as female. She was just as much in the dark as I was. I did date females throughout my life and many told me (within the past ten years) that after dating me for sometime they felt like they were dating a female. I mention this only because I was not actually trying to be female around them, it just came out.

[AllisonCS1]

When I was a kid, well we were really poor and I had an older sister... So crossdressing to some extent always went on, well quite often, jeans and tshirts... shoes.. but she was a tomboy...

But back then I hated wearing her clothes, or anything girly in general... no iced tea, no lemon aide(only rootbeer or cooliade)... heck at sometime I thought smiling a lot was girly... the only thing I ever did growing up that my young mind could associate with girlyness was cooking but even then I watched the frugal gourmet all the time and the host was a guy, but that was around 10 or so... growing up others had to beware if they insinuated anything about me being either a mama's boy(not true) or girly. the later actually ended more than a few friendships.

[Robyn2006]

I'd love to say that I knew from the start, but all I knew early on was that I was a bit off the mark for a boy. I was small, not at all athletic, didn't like sports at all, and didn't do any of the things boys are supposed to do... Couple that with the fact that all around me was nothing but in a world of women, with two very, VERY beautiful older sisters who I so loved to watch whenever they got all dolled-up, my mother too. I didn't quite know what the deal was with me until I was 14 when things came together. From the very moment I first put on my mother's lipstick, I knew what the deal was...

[Brandy Mathews]

I was about 10 years old, and I knew that it was not right, but I didn't care. If society could handle a guy converting to female, I would be there in a heart beat! Would LOVE to be female 24?7! Is it an age thing? I think that the older you get, the more that you don't seem to care, or don't seem to care what people say. All I know is..... I am so happy for this site. Thank you ladies! You are all awesome!!!!!!!!

[joanne51]

Back in the mid-60's when I was 16 I had seen a newspaper article about one of the top drag artists at the time.
The concept of heterosexual males crossdressing wasn't mentioned (he was just an entertainer).
But that was enough to arouse my curiosity and when I was alone in the house I felt I had to explore my mum's clothes.
It wasn't til much later that I associated what I was doing as cd'ing.
Those early days of just trying on clothes was a long way from what I do now, which is the full female look (with makeup, wig, and breast forms). I expect I would have ended up where I am now eventually had I not taken that path.

[stellatoo]

When I was 11ish after discovering my liking for girls clothes I randomly asked a teacher in a class full of fellow students what a man wearing women's clothes was called. The silence was deafening. She replied Transvestite and the lesson went on! No one said anything afterwards but I was off to the library to read more about it.

[Lorna]

It was not until my early teens that I began to be interested in female clothing. Not having any sisters, I didn't really think about what girls wore until I began to become interested in girls generally. I was fascinated by how different their clothes were and realy wanted to know what it felt like to wear them. Stockings were the big thing: girls my age were excited when they were allowed to start wearing nylons, usually only for special occasions to begin with but then more frequently until many of them wore stockings every day to school. I watched them walking along the street and waiting at the bus stop. What did it feel like to have those smooth nylons going right up your legs and wwalking along in them wearing a skirt? So that's where it started: I just couldn't resist finding an opportunity to try them. Progression to other items took quite a long time and I didn't get any heels until I was much older. I still can't be bothered with make-up, jewellery, etc. The clothes are the thing.

[Krististeph]

I knew i wanted to dress in female things. Still not sure if i want to transition. I liked girls. I liked girl things. I had girl friends. I had girlfriends. I had boy friends. I even had a friend who i finally figured out was gay, a year older- we would just hang out- no gay or sissy stuff- he just liked me- decent guy. Wish we still stayed in touch. Never CDd in public, not in rural wisconsin. Hell no. Not in the Army. Though I may have mentioned something to my Sgt when I had a training f-up- artillery is not forgiving.

I preferred playing with girls- not necessarily girly things- we could do just about anything. Kind of androgynous. I probably would have done extremely well in present day Sweden... who knows. I didn't know about other cross dressers for a while, I knew i was odd, but didn't think i was unique. I had no interest in associating with other CDs mostly because the whole idea was so closeted and reviled. I was not perfect by any means, of course, but people were assholes. Serious true assholes. A good majority of them.

I'm really lucky to have found this blog, and met so many wonderful people here. The world is changing, it will never be perfect, or even fair, but it is a heck of a lot better than it was. And so many potential a-holes have been helped and educated that people come in so much more variety than we used to think. I'm just very happy for those younger than us who are able to express their gender feelings as they truly feel, and hope we can continue to expand this ability to live as we are created. It will not be easy, nor fast, but withing a few generations, hopefully TGs everywhere can grow and find their place in society, just like every other knucklehead out there...

[AussieJess]

My earliest memories of cross dressing are from about 4-5 years old, circumstances and details are a little fuzzy, but kinder and school photos confirm the people I was around fit the memories. But vividly, I remember from about 7, on wards. From stealing my mother's swimwear, to sneaking in my Nanas nighty, and when I was 10 or so, on my paper round, I used to stop at the local sports store window, and admire and dream of the girls and ladies sporting clothes on display. I didn't have any idea what I was doing, or being, not until my teen years, when I heard the term "cross dresser" in early highschool that I started to price together what I was doing. I felt it wasn't socially acceptable, maybe even wrong. I tried to suppress it, but, that never lasts...
I've finally been able to embrace and share it, and I've never been happier!

[RedFourteen]

I thought it was fantastic but shameful also. I knew it was something I had to keep hidden from everyone but still enjoyed it. Purged a few times but always came back for more!

[joanne barber]

I remember for a long time wanting to try on my little sister's stuff. One summer after just turning 7, I got up enough courage to try on her nice sailor dress when there was nobody around in the house. They were all in the backyard, so had to be quick about it. With a sister & 4 older brothers, I was never alone. Having them all outside for a few minutes on a nice summer day was all the privacy I could get. I remember almost failing over seeing myself in the mirror because I thought I looked so pretty. But even at a younger age I knew if I ever got caught putting on girls clothes, I'd get the crap beat out of me, & probably be punished in other ways too. So I dressed in girls clothes only on a rare occasion when I was not likely to get caught throughout the whole time I live with my parents. When I first moved out, I shared a place with a roommate who would probably not very very CD-friendly. But at least I had a locked room to wear stuff, & didn't have to worry about parents digging around through my things, & finding my stuff, so was able to finally get nice female clothes.

[darci17]

I remember learning about religion through my parents, being taught about prayer. When I was very young I would pray that when I grew up I would grow up to be a girl.

Well, that never happened. And I'm not religious any more either.

As far as the clothes go, I knew the world didn't want to see a boy wearing girl's clothing, so I only did it in private.

[Diane1950]

Growing up in the late fifties and early sixties, I knew that I was different because I tried on mom's undies in private and liked it. I didn't think about whether anyone else did it.
The social pressures were intense. I couldn't even tell my best friends for fear of ridicule,even thought some of them might have been doing the same thing secretly. And worse yet, I got caught more than once, either in the act or from things that had obviously been tampered with. These episodes always prompted much parental ranting, raving, and screaming, coupled with threats to "have me put away with the rest of the queers". (Ironically, this gave me my first inkling that there were others somewhere.)

I liked girls (still do) but was very shy and ill at ease around them. I was behind the curve socially all through high school, and dressing gave me a beautiful place to go once in a while.

[kaylyn]

I remember when I first did it I don't remember the age but single digits. I was helping with laundry and while folding clean clothes I pocketed a pair of my cousins silk panties. After feeling how nice they felt I put them on and have been doing it ever since. I got caught twice by my parents, the first time I was so embarrassed I cried and they threw all my panties away along with two bras. The second time I was driving home after a shopping trip with my cousin and grand ma who knew and fully supported and my mom saw the size large panties and the C cup bras and called me out again I had gynoclomastica when I was a teenager and my boobs were smaller than theirs and she knew they couldn't fit c cups. I came clean after that and was told that it wasn't okay and that it was weird. I didn't pay it any attention. Now I stay fabulous anywhere and everywhere I go!!

[warren brandon]

I was 9 and wore my sisters skirt to town.... Many whistles

[bobbimo]

Like Terri I was amazed by Christine Jorgensen's story and secretly hid the copy of Parade magazine that had her story. I too joined the Navy and married when I got out. I was very afraid that I had to be a boy or a girl and didnt know what to do. I was married kids coming, not enough money to transition and I didn't live in an area where these things were well known. After the internet became popular I discovered a gender test that told me I needed both sexes in me to be happy.WOW was that great news. So now I am a happy girl when I want to be and sloppy ass guy when the time calls for it.
My preferred mode is clean and in a pretty dress.
Bobbi