Owning it. What does it mean?

[Jenniferathome]

You will read here in many different threads that when going out you have to "own it." I have written it many times as have a myriad of day walkers (TM RenneB).

As I was walking to my salon appointment today, I didn't have a care in the world. (At the parking meter a guy even tried to chat me up. I ignored him) I was't looking for others who may be looking at me, I was in my own little world as I would be in guy mode. I walked the three city blocks, traversing streets and lights and I never felt "dressed." Frankly, I didn't really think about anything until my hair blew in my face. I do not really go out much, but for some reason I got to thinking about why I was so relaxed. Maybe it was the hair that brought me to thinking. I quickly reached my conclusion and I think this is the answer to "owning it."

I have resolved within myself that I will not pass. People KNOW I'm a dude. I know this. I don't care. I don't know these people. How can I take offense from a person whose opinion I do not value? As a result, what is left to fear? "I don't care is easy to write but hard to do. I think I have reached "I don't care" because I know passing is a fantasy. There is no magic piece clothing or jewelry that will make it so.

So what say you Day Walkers (TM RenneB), is this is the answer?

[Nadine Spirit]

I have resolved within myself that I will not pass. People KNOW I'm a dude. I know this. I don't care. I don't know these people. How can I take offense from a person whose opinion I do not value? As a result, what is left to fear? "I don't care is easy to write but hard to do. I think I have reached "I don't care" because I know passing is a fantasy. There is no magic piece clothing or jewelry that will make it so.

That is what I think owning is. Accepting the fact that we ARE "dudes in dresses." And that there is nothing wrong with that! Different? Yes! Wrong? No!

[flatlander_48]

I would say Self Assurance. You are aware of what you are doing, how it makes you feel and you've made peace with an activity that is decidedly not mainstream.

DeeAnn

[Janine cd]

I agree that accepting who you are is the basis for understanding why we do what we do. The next step is being able to follow the dream to reality.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jenn, For me Owning it means to me, I just pierced my ears for the first time three weeks ago at age 72
Double studs in each ear I don't go out dressed but wearing earrings out in public means that
I'm Owning it and prod of it. >Orchid :0:<Double pierced

You can read the whole story about how it happened in the clothing, shopping & beauty section back on page 4
(Got my ears pierced~~~~Cross that one off my bucket list,



RE: To Victoria's post below, When someone makes a comment about my earrings I just look them in the eye
and say, "Is this going to be a problem for you" and they are usually at a loss for words .

[Victoria Demeanor]

People who disapprove and want to put you down, get there power from you letting them. If they give you a dirty look and you put your head down in shame, they have the power. If they say something ugly and you turn and shy away they have the power.
When you ignore them, pay them no attention and go about your way and enjoy your life, you have taken that power from them.
I think that's what owning it is. What we do is different in our society, but it doesn't hurt anyone and shouldn't offend anyone.
Now I say this, but I'm still trying to learn and follow this myself.

[flatlander_48]

Now I say this, but I'm still trying to learn and follow this myself.

VD:

We crawl before we can walk; we walk before we can run. It has been this way since we stood up and walked on 2 feet...

DeeAnn

[Rachael Leigh]

Jenn I went out today for the first time in a while but I didn't hesitate I just walked into Khols and then to the mall talked briefly with a nice SA at Payless and you nailed it. I didn't care if she read me I felt great being out and enjoyed my time.
Now I did chicken out and didn't go to Ulta and now wished I had but your right Im out just enjoying a part of myself and who cares what someone thinks.
Great post Jenn.
Leigh

[Rachelakld]

"Owning it" for me, means being in the moment, so however you present, be totally that person.
For a weight lifter, it might be achieving a heavy lift. Race driver, being totally focused on the track ahead and the car they are in.
For a CDer, being the girl inside and out (and NOT EVEN THINKING about negatives such as stubble showing through, or slightly incorrect foundation colour)

[justmetoo]

I think you got it, Jennifer. I agree with Nadine and DeeAnn and some of the others as well. For me, owning it is being self-aware and self-assured, doing what you do, not concerned about what other people might be thinking, and just being yourself.

[cassiekat]

Great thread, I'm so happy for you.

[Tracii G]

I tend to agree with the owning it comments.
Pretty much how I do it.
I could care less what people think and go on my way.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Owning it. The time I turned up at the stop for the greyhound, and for the first time in 5 days, someone gave a visible response to my skirt. I just looked at them with a polite questioning look, and when they schooled their features into something other than surprise, I just smiled at them. No comments, or further looks.

[Eryn]

For me, the concept of "owning it" is to stop worrying about whether I will be discovered and simply getting on with enjoying life while presenting as I wish.

Today Mimi and I were picking up some glasses at the optometrist for my daughter. I had my hair tied back, small stud earrings, unadorned jeans, and a blue-and-grey print shirt. No forms or padding. A gentleman walked out of the office, said "excuse me ladies" and moved past us. Experiences like this taught me that much of the magic of presentation is in attitude, not appearance.

Later, Mimi and I were at the beauty salon getting our roots done. A half dozen ladies were there and the conversation bounced from topic to topic. Even though I go by my boy name there I was still accepted as part of the group and have a great time. I'm sure that they discuss me after I leave, but then again they discuss everyone in the same way. I have no apologies to make for who I am and how I live. I suppose that is what "owning it" is all about.

[AngelaYVR]

You got it right, Jennifer. That blissful time when you are not worried about what you look like, what people think and you just completely and utterly enjoying yourself.

[kimdl93]

Yeah, pretty much. I've few illusions about passing...blending in and being treated with courtesy is all I expect from interactions. As the saying goes, 'other people's opinions of me are none of my business' so long as they keep them to themselves.

The exception is in the legal arena. I don't care what some texas politician thinks about me until he or she tries to impose on my rights or those of the businesses I patronize

[Pat]

Hi Jennifer --

I think you're right. I've been on my own little journey toward the same conclusion for a little while now. A friend had remarked, after we had been out doing errands,"You're a transgender male. You look like you're supposed to look and you have every right to be out there." And that remark has been breaking down walls inside me. I realized I'm not trying to "pass" or *be* a woman. I'm a transgender male. I'm presenting as a transgender male. It's actually made my life much simpler -- no fear of "discovery" because I am what I am, I'm not pretending to be what I'm not.

[Marcelle]

Going to agree with everyone thus far . . . the moment I stopped worrying about how other people see me "guy/girl/whatever" is when I truly just began being a person out in the world . . . same as when I am in boy mode.

Hugs

Isha

[Henriette7]

Jennifer great thread. :-)

To me "Owning it" means be your selfs in the moment, feel great about it and not care about what other people think or do. The moment of the great feelings that I constantly are seeking when I'am en femme. This feeling I got last thursday when I went out together with 3 other gurls, we had dinner and a saw a funny drag show after. We all totally forgot that where people around us, we just where our selfs :-) That to me was "Owning it"

Hugs
Henriette

[Beverley Sims]

I think "to own it" you do have to have confidence and a thick skin.

[MsVal]

Owning It - from my perspective covers more than crossdressing. It means that for any situation that you choose to own, the situation is yours to manage. You demonstrate ownership through your words, actions, and attitude. It is presented in a very matter of fact way, as though it was as obvious as gravity.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Allisa]

Exactly, being comfortable in your own "skin" knowing that your clothes are only an expression of who you are to the point that they are a non factor and you do not dwell on them as you are in the moment of being you and that is all that matters.

[Sarah-RT]

Jen, If you say that you will never pass, perhaps owning it for you is simply being comfortable being yourself, for yourself.

I know I cant pass, im 6'4'', broad shoulders, the works but when I think of places I could be if I went out dressed I think less of how others see me and more of who I would be with, or what Id be doing, maybe thats the key?

[CountessVF]

I've never left my house as Frillyzilla. I don't plan to do so. I do love the day walker reference tho.