The 50 shades of "Passing" and "Self confidence".

[docrobbysherry]

Reading yet another strongly supported thread about one of us who goes out often and doesn't give a darn if she's clocked. That's nice. And, very important if u r TS and live as a female. Or, r a CD who is out and goes out dressed often. If u need to dress and go out u need to live your life without fear.
But, MOST of us don't fall into those catagories. Most r closet dressers like me.

But, when I look at the avatars of the confident posters? They all look quite passable to me.

Here's my point: Passing is the Golden Standard. If u can pass, even some of the time? It makes going out much less stressful. Compared to those of us that don't never pass. Let me correct that. Maybe I can pass from behind. But, since I will never see that person looking me it doesn't really count.

I go out often. I just did 5 days out and dressed in Vegas. Thotful staff referred to me as, "Mam". One said, "Sir", then added, "Mam". Sometimes women walking past would smile at me. But, it was always that "knowing" smile. Which says, "Of course, you're a guy in a dress. So what?" Men usually don't give me that, or any smile. For which I'm thankful!

I'm a closet dresser who constantly notices the disapproving looks. Blank stares. Or, hears titters and comments; "That was a guy!", "Did u see that?", "What the hell?", "OMG!", etc. I've gotten used to it but still don't like it! I find it stressful and it can be quite discouraging. If I could pass once and awhile it would be much less stressful.

It makes me wonder if other dressers accept a steady diet of that same crap?
So, my question is for all u "confident" girls who go out dressed anywhere at the drop of a summer hat? Where do u think u r on the "Passing Scale"?

0%- Never, like me. Except from behind or midnite at the North Pole.

25%- U pass some of the time. This includes everyone who sees u; passerbys, glancing at u as u drive by, everyone!

50%- Half the time folks may think you're a female.

75%- Most folks see u as a woman.
95%+- U pass nearly all the time, everywhere.

[Allisa]

Maybe 2% of the time, but I really don't think I "pass" I just blend and get by with minimal comments that I've become used to so no big deal.

[Suzie Petersen]

I am much too self conscious for my own good. I am much too concerned with what others think of me and therefore much to aware of peoples reactions to my presence.

I dont dress anymore as I have explained elsewhere, but I went through a long escalation of my dressing activities, getting to a point where I considered if I needed to be full time.

When I was younger, I think I passed reasonably well, but being realistic and humble about it, let me settle on your 25% point of the scale. Maybe I did better, but again I am and always were very conscious about it all.
Now, if I were to dress again and go out, I think I would be in the 0% category. From a mile away, in the dark, yes, I would have a chance, but I am really not interested in that.

Back when I did go out quite a bit, those moments when someone clearly (to me) read me, were devastating! It could completely ruin a day or more and it would make me not go out for a long time.

I can preach all day long to others that passing doesnt matter and that it is all a matter of what makes you feel good, to hell with everybody else. But the fact is, I almost never take my own advise.

I have often found myself envious (in that good kinda' way, you know!) of others who are able to simply not care what others think of them. I wish I could do that.

- Suzie

[Shelly Preston]

I would say passing is not an easy thing to judge.

Sometimes folks may be respectful enough not to say anything.

As for myself It would seem to be around 75 % I don't get comments but I do get the occasional knowing look.

I was out today and had around 10 to 12 short conversation and one long one (maybe 25 minutes). Only once was I sure that I had been read.
(a cosmetics sales assistant in a short conversation.) The general public going about there business tend not to notice.

A lot of this depends on self confidence gained from being out and about on a regular basis.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

Like Suzie I'm not actively dressing theses day, but back in the day I'd say I was passing 50-75% of the time. It always brought me up a little short when I was read, but that just motivated me to find ways to minimize my male traits. The confidence aspect cannot be overstated. o.k. that and having been blessed with a small body frame. A lot of it has to do with your basic personality and how easily you let other people's comments roll off your back. I was never one to take the criticism of strangers too seriously, but then I did a lot of theater in high school so I was used to being critiqued by people whose opinion did matter. Strangers were nothing to me.

Update: Just wanted to add that for the 25-50% who did see me as a man in a dress I hope they at least thought "but he's a pretty man in a dress."

[Jenniferathome]

I'll play Sherry.

For anyone who looks at me eye to eye: 0%

Anyone with whom I converse: 0%

I think I should add that I suspect they think I have transitioned as opposed to being a cross dresser. When I met my hair stylist the first time, she asked if I was full-time. It's my opinion that transition is more known than cross dressing.

[Rachael Leigh]

I would say I'm somewhere on the scale of 10 to 25 percent but maybe not that good. I'm more confidant going out then I use to be but that doesn't mean I'm passing. I just think who really cares anyway so many people are just minding there own business.

[sara.rafaela]

It is hard to put a percentage. If I go out in a crowded downtown I can go freely and I have not noticed any stares or rude comments. While sitting in a MAC chair in Macy's I have had a fellow customer start talking to me about here daughter. I have gone to regular restaurants and bars and have been treeted just fine. If you look at me from some distance I would say 90%. But, if you talk to me face to face or check me out hard, I would say I have a 1% chance of passing.

[Danielle_cder]

for me about 50-75% open my country mouth n goes to 0%

[Rachelakld]

0 % In my corset out having coffee this morning
25% once I changed in to my shopping clothes today
Image3.jpg
50% in the day time, when I put more real clothes on, besides most people are to busy to on their IPhone to look my way, or they don't care to comment.
75% if they have been drinking heavily
95% if they are blind & deaf

[Diane Smith]

I think I'm somewhere in the 25% to 50% range, but I might be fooling myself. It's impossible to know what's going through the heads of those who see me, or what conversations may follow after I have passed by. I have had a few experiences where people have interacted with me at pretty close range (SAs at a women's boutique, for example) and not figured it out, which totally shocked me when they happened. On the other hand, I've been "made" in some casual and long distance contacts when I wasn't expecting it, also.

- Diane

[Natalie cupcake]

I would say 50 to 60% if my makeup is just right.

[Tracii G]

Same here Natalie, 50% is good enough for me.

[kkaye]

With me it is 100%. It is not hard to pass for a middle aged black woman. I have smaller feet and juicy thighs from my power lifting days and heavy squats that, I contribute to a fat ass with older age. I tend to not want to be bothered out in public. But when, I am treated like a lady, looked at one like it. It catches me off guard at times and, I must always be ready for the Maam, excuse me Miss.
And to say the least, I know, I must seem like a lesbian at times because, I do catch myself looking at a sexy women while out.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I wish I could answer this. I've been told I pass or blend pretty well. I don't really know. I just go out and have fun...

[Eryn]

95%, but the 5% includes everyone I converse with. Even they are polite because they can never really be sure of my genetics.

[justmetoo]

I honestly don't know, because I am not able to tell what other people are thinking and I haven't asked anyone whether I passed or not. All I can say from my point of view is that I haven't noticed much notice, but I can be pretty oblivious. I have no doubt that up close, or when talking, I don't pass at all. It's possible, that like Jennifer says, people might assume I am transitioning/have transitioned (some of the interchanges with salespeople left me with the impression they think I'm either full time or dress often.). I don't know if people notice and just don't say anything or act as if they notice. I'm not trying to be coy or anything, just trying to be honest.
All I can say is I haven't had people pointing fingers or laughing or the like, as far as I have noticed. Did I pass or do people have other things on their mind or are they just being civil or what? Say what you will; I just can't imagine I'm passing (not at nearly 6 feet tall, and with all my other attributes). In any case, it doesn't really matter to me why people are not disrespecting me to my face or within my earshot.

[Babbs]

I'd say 50% at a passersby glance but get up close and personal it is 0%. My voice too deep and my lat muscles are too big for a girl so my back and shoulders don't look right. I do have dainty hands and small feet and legs a woman would die for but it's not enough for the up close test. I do think I have the walk and carry myself pretty well, but its not enough to pass

[Dana44]

Sherry,
I went out tonight in a nice dress with my SO to a movie and dinner at chili's. WE were both called ladies several time tonight and I thought that I passed really good. Never got to many looks except from a few men who may have admired me because a lady in a dress is always pretty. We tried to take a couple pictures to post yet they were dark. I will try to post from the next outing. So tonight I passed 100 percent.

[Donnagirl]

OK, usual Donna cynicism aside, how do you tell? How can you quantify???

No-ones rolled around on the floor laughing at me, pointed and screamed obscenities or even made a scene. Is it because I pass 100% or....

I really believe I look exactly like what I am, a bloke in a dress, but I (apparently) limit my public appearances to a 100% polite community who wouldn't let on they can see the bleeding obvious or are in serious need of emergency optometry.

If Donna has a theme song then it's 'walk like a man', by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons!!!!

[Michelle55]

I'd like to say I pass about 70%, but I'm not sure if that is more about adults being adult and polite.

I avoid young people between 12 and 25. I don't know if they are more observant or just lack the manners of those with a few more years on them.

So I probably pass somewhere between 20% and 70%.

[bridget thronton]

25 - 50% (I occasionally get called ma'am when not dressed)

[docrobbysherry]

I'll play Sherry.

For anyone who looks at me eye to eye: 0%

Anyone with whom I converse: 0%

I think I should add that I suspect they think I have transitioned as opposed to being a cross dresser. When I met my hair stylist the first time, she asked if I was full-time. It's my opinion that transition is more known than cross dressing.

R u intentuonally leaving these folks out, Jenn?
"-----This includes everyone who sees u; passerbys, glancing at u as u drive by, everyone!"
I'd guess from your avatar you'd pass with at least 50% of these folks?

OK, usual Donna cynicism aside, how do you tell? How can you quantify???
--------------------------------------------

Seriously, Donna? U can tell when u pass. As someone who never passes except on Halloween? It goes like this when I'm dealing with SA's and business staff: When their eyes get wide as saucers, when they stutter, when they go way overboard to be nice, when they compliment something you're wearing that u know looks like crap, when they get nervous like a spider's crawling on them? U didn't pass!

When they pratically ignore u, don't give u a second look, look bored or don't stop what they're doing to assist u? U passed!

It's kinda like, if you're not sure whether or not u passed? U just did!

[AngelaYVR]

My Mindreader5000 (patent pending) says that everyone is just being civil.

[Jenniferathome]

R u intentuonally leaving these folks out, Jenn?
"-----This includes everyone who sees u; passerbys, glancing at u as u drive by, everyone!"
I'd guess from your avatar you'd pass with at least 50% of these folks? ...

Hi Sherry, I suppose that the average person looking at their feet or smart phones would not notice me. From a peripheral vision point of view, I do not have an appearance that would draw attention, I am only 5'7" and about 150 pounds, and I dress for the venue, time, and my generation. I tend to think men are less observant than women so half the population is easier to walk past.

Still, we are more than our faces to the world. Our body shape is very different from that of a woman's (I don't wear any padding other than forms). Observe the shape of the male head-neck-shoulder. That's a significant difference. And then there is our jaw line and of course, the Adam's apple.

Frankly, I do not think any casual cross dresser can hope for more than passing the glance test. I think many here confuse the fact that people do not saying something with passing. I'll restate that I think people may suspect we are transitioned and not cross dressers. But, here's the litmus test: can you spot the cross dresser?