What would you tell a stranger about Crossdressing?

[SharonDenise]

Isha, I like your analogy of a symphony orchestra that needs all its sections to play beautiful music. Creative!

[Sarah Doepner]

I appreciate all the input, it is helping as I work through my own ideas.

I guess I should share a little of what I would say. The initial statement would be an opening for questions, comments and clarifications. It has to be an attempt at dialog, not a lecture, if the audience becomes involved they are invested in taking something away with them. With a little luck it will be positive for whoever is doing the presentation.

The first item is we are normal in nearly everything else in our lives, family, activities, occupations, age, race, faith, hobbies etc. etc. We may seem to be uncommon, but we are normal.

The next is what I call "going against tradition" in defining crossdressers. By that, I think that all too often we begin describing who we are by telling people what we are NOT; Not gay, Not wanting to transition, Not a serial killer, Not here for comic relief, Not, not, not and on and on. It's important for our self-identification that we find affirmative ways to describe ourselves rather than fall into the patterns that everyone seems to expect.

Third has to address why what may be the largest component of the Trans* community sees the following stat; According to the Pew Research Center in May of 2013 87% of Americans said they knew someone who was Gay or Lesbian. Estimates from other sources indicate that less than 10% know someone who is Trans*. There are surveys that suggest there are equally as many Trans* people as there are Gays and Lesbians but the Trans* folks are much more likely these days to still be in the closet. So why are we? This is the step where the audience needs to step in and identify all those things that create gender expectations and suggest threats to crossdressers.

I've kind of stopped there for a while. I'm not sure where it's going or who the audience will be, but this is the direction I've gone so far.

[Samantha_Smile]

I'll probably offend someone here, but

If I was to address a room of 200 people or more, mixed genders, political leanings and races and religions (like a TED talk but hopefully with a few racists and bigots thrown in for good measure, I don't want to assume that everyone is well educated and therefore broad minded enough to accept what I'm about to chat about), and I was on stage as a dude...
Then I would probably start with;

1 - The numbers. Its a bit cliche, but throwing the estimated number of crossdressers in the developed world at them, telling them the percentage probability of how many people in the audience are likely to crossdress.
Surprise and unsettle them, get them wondering if the guy on their left is a weekend queen. Then elaborate on this and give them the suicide rates for people with a degree of gender dysphoria or transgender leanings - often caused by...

2 - Intolerance. Give them a life lesson on bigotry and prejudice. Tell them why their judgements of others for how they wish/need to present are wrong. Give them reason to question their beliefs.
Because honestly, the real route of bigotry is often stubborn thinking, writing off other people because they do not fit your own ideals, (usually it's for dumb reasons like not wanting to admit you were wrong - It's okay I understand that).
And then I'd have a pop at the religious types - the ones who hate because they think the bible gives them a ticket to do so. If you believe that a book written by spiteful, hateful men who plagiarised the ancient Egyptians and their deity, Horus, that was scribed, literally centuries ago has any meaning in the age of the internet, then you better not be using electricity, or modern housing and engineering, or your gun (a gentle jab at southern USA ), your car, clothes, cell phone, computer.... (etc)
Infact, you sir/madam can leave this building, get back on your donkey and leave... It's okay, I'll have your internet devices - You didn't use them properly anyway...
This is not to say religion is wrong, this IS to say using religion as an excuse to be a Ass and cause people emotional pain IS wrong.
Being a Ass is wrong. As an atheist - this is something I can agree with in the bible.


3 - I am both an advocate for equality (across race, religion, (trans)gender, sexuality, nationality, disability, (mental) health, age, wealth... if you are ever wronged because of a judgement made with one aspect of your self, then I am strongly against it) and you should have guessed it already... I'm also a crossdresser. I am also a son, a brother, a husband and a father to be. I am a nurse, a car enthusiast, a gamer and a techie. I am who I am, and that's all there can ever be.
If there IS a God - I was led to believe that he/she/it created us all equally and perfect in his/her/it's own image.
I am the perfect me. Allow me to be.



TLDR - Stats and numbers
- Don't be a Ass
- I CD, you might not, but were all just human.

[victoriamwilliams1]

I would clear up a few stereotypes that I've experienced with me identifying as a Transgender Woman Vs. Crossdresser. There are some minor and I mean minor difference with one being as a Transgender Woman we have the desire to live or are living as woman full time. However when we are out in the world be it CD or TG they don't know the difference and quite frankly they don't care.

For me as a transgender woman I know my beginnings where as a CD and unlike some TG Women I refuse to shun those who just want to dress and have fun. Also I would clear up the CD/TG gay thing! Not every one is GAY! Now again those who transition a few have become heterosexual women who only date or have relationships with men. That confuses people because they can't see the person as their new gender. Then you do have lesbian TG Women who maintain their sexual orientation. However a Transwoman in a relationship with a man is not Gay it would be considered Heterosexual.

So that is how I would deal with the subject.

[Teresa]

Sarah,
I know it's slightly off your question but I came out to a female friend in my painting group and the first thing she said was , " Oh your poor family,and poor you !

So her first thoughts were of people suffering ! Possibly because it was outside the family she didn't ask the usual questions of being gay, or wanting to change gender !

So to answer your question I would try and deal with the amount of suffering that may be attributed to Cding and show how much was through lack of knowledge and understanding !
Possibly next that being TS/TG doesn't make you an alien, you can still be a good partner/husband , father and in my case grandfather ! Everyone needs their own space and time, Cding may be odd to some people but still give them the courtesy to let them have that time, otherwise you will alienate them, and possibly lose them !
A contented Cder is a very happy person once they have been able to find their comfort level ! It's better to let them find that level than shut them up in a closeted DADT situation !

To answer the side debate about being a sissy, I've never considered myself to be one, possibly because of the way sexually it's been with my partners ! Yes I admit to owning a maid's dress or two but it feels sexy rather than submissive !

[JayeLefaye]

[QUOTE=Krisi;3730971.... Although I consider myself a crossdresser, I am not an expert on the subject. I can't even explain why I do it....[/QUOTE]

Actually, I think Krisi has come up with the perfect opening line:-) I would follow it with apologizing to everyone who took the time to show up because they were hoping for definitive answers, because there aren't any.

I would then follow MeganMartin's advice, and go "personal", because I can't speak for anyone's Journey other than my own, and frankly, I get easily boggled by statistics.

I suspect, SarahCharles, that you are gonna rock that joint!!! Thanks for having the courage to put yourself up in front of the public like that!

Jaye

[Sarah Doepner]

We've been given a real gift this last week in the Bruce Jenner interview. From my perspective it seems it was not aimed at the Trans* community but at the general population with two things in mind. First would be to build an audience for whatever show follows the rest of the transition, the network wouldn't allow that kind of an investment of production and air time if there wasn't going to be additional returns later. Second would be for the purposes that Jenner wants to achieve, and I do believe that may be to educate and create a new dialog about the transgender experience. I may be wrong, but I can't see Jenner going along with it if those things weren't part of the package, and based on the experience of being involved in the Kardashian shows and the like, it makes sense that it was in the contract going in. However from my point of view, all is not well in the public market of ideas.

Here's my take on the situation and it includes the current media focus on Trans* through the filters of Lavern Cox and Janet Mock and Carmen Carerra and Andreja Pejic, etc. etc. as well. In general, people seem to accept that not every kid who plays basketball is going to end up in the NBA, but they don't understand that not every transgender person is going to transition (and be beautiful). But for some reason, those who don't go all the way are ignored or seen as pretenders, threats, available for ridicule or are living without a sense of committment. It's going to take a while for wider understanding to filter through the population, particularly if the media continues to avert its collective eyes from the majority of us not on the transition path. That may be a good thing in some ways, but it does effect progress. From a crossdresser point of view, the balance in the conversation is still off in favor of those who transition and within that group, save Transparent, those who are pretty once they do transition.

Somehow that needs an important place in the conversation, but can't be the entire focus of a discussion. There is plenty of time before I even have to commit to anything like this. So please, if you have ideas or see major gaps in what needs to be shared let me know, either on this thread or via a PM.

[JayeLefaye]

I only have two more words to throw into the conversation, Sarah: Eddie Izzard:-)

Now there's a role model!!!

Jaye

[Vanessa_V_Ed]

The Genderbread Person: http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/...d-person-v2-0/

Loved the Genderbread

Why doesn't someone completes this? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_systems
Someone with good writing skills

[Rhanda]

I wasn't going to respond to this thread but something is missing. I have found that most of the men who are involved here are married men who are very faithful to their partner. I think that this can be understood to the degree that married men who are crossdressers make good husbands.

That's all. Rhanda