I've been fantasizing about going out in public and I think it's time. Now if I get hit on which I know men will hit on anything female looking! Lol what should I do? Tell him I'm a man or say no I'm with someone?
I've been fantasizing about going out in public and I think it's time. Now if I get hit on which I know men will hit on anything female looking! Lol what should I do? Tell him I'm a man or say no I'm with someone?
You say this as if women get hit on just by stepping out of their front door. It just doesn't happen this way. I don't think you have anything to worry about unless you put yourself into places and situations where being hit upon would be reasonably expected (ie - the bar/club scene). Additionally, unless you have extraordinary abilities to present as a female with no one the wiser, chances are good you will be read as being a member of the trans species and many (or most?) men would run for cover if they thought for a second that you were worthy of their romantic attention.
But if you are THAT worried about an icky man hitting on you, there is something out there that can help, male repellant...also known as a wedding ring.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
In my very early days of going out, I met the two-headed dragon. As I was walking to my car, a man approached. I made it into the car just before he appeared at the passenger-side window. I interpreted a gesture he made as wanting to come in to talk, but I was terrified and declined. As I drove away, terror turned to excitement at the thought that my crossdressing attracted the attention of a man. I don't want a man, but I sure want the attention.
A few questions.
Do you often hit on women in random places?
Or hang out with those that do?
Are you so presentable as a woman as to be irresistible?
Do you know how to say no?
Is this really a concern?
Live and let dress.
I wouldn't say that a wedding ring is sure fire man repellent. Wedding rings are not always obvious.
Especially if the person doesn't focus attention to the hands.
While I rarely hit on a woman in public I never look at their hands. More often or not I will look towards their face for something abstract like if their smile is reflected in their eyes.
So a wedding ring plus a eyepatch. .. joking.
Uhh... not quite accurate in my never to be humble opinion. In going out for about the last ten years, I don't know if I have ever been hit on. Maybe it is because I am often, though not always, with my wife. Maybe because I always have on a wedding ring. Maybe I give off a vibe that says, I am NOT interested. Maybe it is because I am such an uggo as a woman that no man would ever be interested in me. But more than likely it is probably because I am the type of human that needs to be smacked in the face with the obvious several times before I realize what is occurring.Originally Posted by suzzi
But to your real question... IF you get hit on what do you do? If you are not interested you can just let him know you are not interested by saying so. If you are interested then you could probably just let him know you are interested by saying so.
Often times, before we get out into the real world, the smallest of things can seem like HUGE things. But in reality they are often complete non-issues or can be handled so easily that they might as well be complete non-issues.
The imagination is fertile grounds for lofty thoughts. I have heard that something like 90% or so of what we think is going to happen, never actually does. And in my experiences out in the real world, comparing it to what I thought it would be like, it really is no big deal.
Last edited by Nadine Spirit; 04-16-2015 at 01:45 PM.
My only experience with getting hit on while en femme turned out all right in the end. The guy sat with me at a bar table, we exchanged some small talk, but it soon became apparent he was hoping we'd go off by ourselves. I had to firmly say I wasn't interested and asked him to leave me alone. He clearly wasn't happy about it. Probably thought I had been leading him on, but he moved on anyway. I agree with the others that there is little likelihood you will be approached by an amorous male, but if it does happen just be firm and ladylike. Good luck on your first night out.
Bridget
Your friendly, neighborhood cyber CD.
Are you sure you want to go there? Depends on where you are and how much "he" has been drinking. I would consider your environment before going out.
Nadine and others will tell you "passing" is pretty darn elusive, even for a knockout like them. So the likelihood is low.
Funny thing about wedding rings. I've had more flirts since I've worn my ring than before. Some women would rather flirt or hook up with a married guy. They tend to keep their mouths shut and can be seen as safer. Who knew?
Nadine wrote "I am the type of human that needs to be smacked in the face with the obvious several times before I realize what is occurring." That describes me very well, too! lol
I did get "chatted up" by a guy once (I'm sure he knew what I was), but I'm not interested in that so I distanced myself, and then got out of the place it occurred in. I wasn't prepared for that kind of thing to happen, so I probably didn't handle it as well as I could. But I survived intact and unhurt, if that's a worry. (still creeps me out to think of it)
I for one, wouldn't mind especially if he was nice and a great looking guy...but alas it doesn't happen...so don't be worried.
Smile! You'll always brighten someone's day, including your own from their return smile!
If you go alone dolled up, into a bar or club, gay or straight, is it not just teasing for the fish to "go for the lure" ? I have considered going to one dolled up, alone, but mentally and emotionally not ready for it.
The one time I got "chatted up" I was just out shopping, in the daytime, wearing a casual outfit. It can happen. But I would agree that it doesn't happen often. Still, it doesn't hurt to be prepared ahead of time, if you can be.
I've had it happen a couple of times. I figure you owe them a polite but firm turndown. Don't want to bruise the male ego.
Oddly enough, I've also been hit on by a couple of women while en femme! Tried not to bruise their egos either!
Hugs,
Persephone.
"If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.
"If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)
-.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).
Tur them down politely, you do not need to give out your family history.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
If you're looking for a quick one liner, you can say
I really appreciate the offer, but I'm only into women.
But, honestly, even though I was hit on once, I've never used that line, so ymmv.
Since the first time I got hit on, I always wear a large CV engagement ring with my wedding ring, and a don' mess with me expression.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
I was approached once during Southern Comfort while at Agatha's by a gentlemen I had met at previous conferences. He remembered me from our previous conversations, strictly platonic, and sat down next to me. I turned cold with fright. We were alone on the bus and he preferred "T-Girls". I had let my hair down and definitely had too much to drink. I don't remember exactly what he said but stated that I was married and not interested in any amorous adventures. I do remember displaying my wedding and engagement rings. He was a gentleman and left me in peace.
I was a wreck most of the evening after that. I asked a couple of my girlfriends to help if warranted and they rallied around but nothing further was needed.
I thought of calling my wife and asking her what to do but I was more afraid of her reaction than the gentleman. I did tell her this story when I got home and she laughed her #*@* off. She essentially told me to get used to it. I think woman learn instinctively how to deflect male attention. At least that's what my daughters confirm when the subject has come up.
The moral of the story, if you're not interested be polite but firm and say no.
You have a lot of confidence in your ability to pass as a woman. Without some photos, we don't know about that. If you decide to go to the shopping mall or Walmart during the day, dressed as a normal woman would for these occasions, I doubt you will "get hit on". On the other hand, if you dress up in a miniskirt and six inch heels and go to a nightclub or walk along the busy downtown streets, you may be taken for a hooker and may get "hit on". You may also get stopped by the police and investigated.
Telling a guy who just hit on you that you are a man can bring some unwanted reaction, especially in a bar. If you're not actually with someone, that's not a very good excuse either. Probably just saying you're not interested is the most hones and best thing to tell him.
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