Tradeoffs

[Sarah Doepner]

Do you ever consider the tradeoffs you make to be a crossdresser? Not just time, money and relationships in general, but some of the specific things you give up because you crossdress.

I've traded time with family for time on my own crossdressing. I've been fortunate that I've never shorted the family budget for anything we've needed so I could have new forms or a CD vacation, but I've probably delayed paying off credit cards with the money I've spent on my CD things. I've traded trust for secrecy and not shared this with some of those I should. I've traded getting work around the yard done for time spent crossdressed in the house.

On the other hand, I've traded feeling guilty over crossdressing for feeling satisfaction as I explore new points of view. I've traded time with buddies drinking beer and watching sports for time shopping and visiting with girlfriends. I've started trading fear of being discovered for confidence in who I am and beginning to understand I have a right to be that person. I've traded isolation of the closet for a community I know both on line and in person.

It's not all bad trades, but there is only so much time in life so it's worth the effort to see if the trades are in my best interest. Or is this an unrealistic or wrong way of looking at life?

[kimdl93]

If I've made any compromises they've been in favor of family, friends, etc.

[sometimes_miss]

Well, I consider the time and money I've spent on crossdressing to be well worth it; without doing this, I'd probably be really mean, frustrated, irritable, short tempered, forgetful, cranky and depressed.

[Rachelakld]

I'm same as Sometimes_Miss, so it's a good trade for me now I've found the right woman.

[Kate Simmons]

The amount of time and resources I spend is my choice plus I give back positive energy to others.

[AnnieMac]

I thought about this a little. Sometimes I feel bad about cross dressing, not because I think its wrong, or against the norm in and of itself. I've long ago come to terms with this part of my personality, and why I do it to make me feel good. I feel bad about it because I think cross dressing is kind of a very selfish activity ( although I supposed not any more than golf or fishing ). It does indeed use up our time, money , thoughts and overall focus sometimes. The payback of course is the calming nature it gives us, but I'm not sure that equals out to the time and cost. That's particularly true to someone like me who is a closet dresser, maybe its a little like having a mistress on the side, and it takes away our focus on people that are important to us. And then there are some here that want their SO's to dive in and entirely embrace this, when we all know that is the last thing any woman really deep down wants to do with her SO or husband. (Maybe I Dunno, throw some daggers at me here on the forum and maybe it will help as all think this issue out) - Annie

[AnnaMarie]

I've made many trade offs, but in the end I would never do anything that was detrimental to family time. I'm self employed, work from home and when I don't have clients can always dress and get on with things. Dressing makes me happy and surely that's something that has a positive effect on my family

[AnnieMac]

Haha kind of funny! "Annies working from home"! I work from home now too and sometimes have worked dressed and was surprised to like that quite a bit. So AnnaMarie does your family know you dress?

[chris63]

I've thought about this a lot lately. i was depressed, anxious and angry living in denial and hiding. This had a very negative impact on my family and other relationships. When I dress regularly I am more at peace with myself and don't experience all those negative emotions. To quote my wife, "dressing as a woman isn't destroying our family. The anger, depression and anxiety that comes from not dressing is."

[AnnaMarie]

Anniemac sadly no they don't, for all sorts of reasons. When I met my wife I wasn't dressing and hadn't done for the past fifteen years but the desire hit me again about twelve months ago and is getting stronger. Had I been dressing when I met my wife I would have told her before we got serious.i will I know need to have the discussion at some point and sooner rather than later. I also know that people have lots of different views on telling SO's but It's something I need to handle I think in my own way.

[reb.femme]

I'm very similar to Kim above, in that my trade-offs are in favour (we spell this bit differently) of family, particularly my wife. It's the way I like it because she is my life. I will miss my monthly group meet if she is at home. She works shifts, so time is precious, but we like our time apart equally. It's nice to be alone sometimes too.

I'm lucky that I get time away with work every month, where I can dress without a thought for anyone else. In fact, I've just packed for four nights away as of 5 o'clock tomorrow morning. One large bag packed with my girl stuff and it has spilled over into my man bag too. Dual gender can be a pain, but it's worth it .

Rebecca

[Kandi Robbins]

I've only been out in public for about 6 months. I have certainly spent money on my wardrobe that would have been spent otherwise. However, my acceptance of who I am has saved me money spent elsewhere, like on alcohol to self medicate in an attempt to be happy or the junk food I was washing down with my drinks. I certainly wish what we do was commonly accepted because I am so happy and I'd love people to really know why. Unfortunately that's not the world we live in. I've been pretty good about not shirking my duties around the house, I promised myself when I went down this road I would always tend to my responsibilities as a father, husband and provider. My biggest tradeoff is a positive one, I traded off a withdrawn, sarcastic, overweight grump for an open, outgoing, loving, athletic all around good guy/girl. All in all, I wish I'd realized this sooner.

[Adriana Moretti]

I have traded my love of all types of dead meat BBQ'n on a grill....( ok just burgers & dogs )...but dam they sure taste good....ice cream, sausage, fast food, pizza what else ??? ok now I'm hungry......they are not bad trades.....when I'm old I will just get fat.

[TrishaTX]

I traded my own honesty for crossdressing, by hiding it and leing for years. I wish I had just been honest with her. It was not fair to her or to me...to be honest

[Teresa]

Sarah,
Cders or not we would still have to trade off, it's the guilt factor coming through that makes it look like that !

My business was my biggest trade off, being a self employed photographer ( now closed down ) I often worked seven days a week ! I remember a converstion with another self employed friend that occasionally he didn't see his children at weekends ! I said that many weekends I would go off early Saturday to attend weddings , not get back tiil the children had gone to bed, then spend all day Sunday in the darkroom to get the photographs printed ready for collection on Monday morning ! I suppose that still isn't as bad as service people being away for months at a time, at least I was still at home !
I will admit to shelving jobs in the garden if the opportunity comes up to get dressed but I'd be happy to mow the lawn and do other jobs dressed if the wife had no objections ! My spending on Cding has to be in cash so I haven't spent a fortune mainly because I only have joint accounts since closing the business !
The one thing I put myself through was thinking I could hide my CDing by working all hours extending my house ! The CDing has surfaced stronger now through that and I've burnt myself out in the process ! It's why I don't feel guilty about it now because the family is getting the benefits financially !