Cheating

[rosetyler]

Better to let it not happen if you really want to remain closeted and entirely secret

and

Some of us have been told that it is her or the clothes, and in and otherwise great relationship. So we keep hiding and hope.

Why not just tell your partner the truth? If they don't accept you for who YOU really are...do you really want to be with them anyways? BE YOURSELF.

[Dana44]

I told my mate before i ever dressed. Showed her all of my clothes and heels. So no I do not think any secret should be kept from your mate. She did ask me weather i was BI, I fessed up and told her, yet that does not mean that I would do it.

[Eryn]

At risk of inciting another rift between opposing Atlantic shores to rival the conflagration of just over 200 years ago, I do think many folk west of these shores are very hung up on 'truth' thanks to the fable of Washington and his old man's cherry tree... I'm sure most kids of the late 18th century would have got a sound thrashing rather than a hug for such a feat - but I digress...

Option 3 for me... make something up (I can be very creative in times of stress...)

Once, a wise man said:

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive! [Sir Walter Scott]

The "Sir" in front of the name indicates that he was from your side of the pond, so apparently truth is valued over there too.

(Although admittedly, Scott was from Scotland so he may differ a bit from the Folks Down South.)

I can't imagine outright lying to my spouse. It was difficult enough to simply not tell her the fact that I had started dressing and I only did that for a few weeks!

[Pumped]

and

Why not just tell your partner the truth? If they don't accept you for who YOU really are...do you really want to be with them anyways? BE YOURSELF.

Because I love the gal and want to stay married to her. Like I said, we have a great relationship other than the dressing. Trust me, I am working on it. She seems to be slowly accepting it, but at this time she believes I still have the desire, but don't dress.

[Lorileah]

Do you fess up or let her think it was another woman?

lie and make things worse or be honest and at least feel you did what was right...the thing about a lie is you have to keep feeding it. If being a cross dresser would cause your wife to leave...I would imagine her thinking you were having an affair would be far worse

Some of us have been told that it is her or the clothes, and in and otherwise great relationship. So we keep hiding and hope.

And, just to be clear, would said woman say "Aw heck honey, go and sleep with other women" Seems it would be the affair or the marriage in most cases

My wife found a slip I had accidently left out. thought it was left by a female friend of ours and that I was cheating. I had a split second to decide what to tell her. I chose wrong. Marriages survive one episode of cheating far more often than they survive the discovery that the husband is a crossdresser.

On the surface that is a true statement because men (and women) cheat everyday...but there are fewer crossdressers. I would suspect a lie, in any form would have been just as devastating to your relationship because you planted the seed of distrust...

[Samantha_Smile]

I'd rather the truth be known.

Regardless of which option you choose, your wife/SO is going to lose trust in you.
Wouldn't you rather her have a real reason to lose her trust than have a made up one.
Telling her, or allowing her to believe you're cheating is just a lie on top of a lie.

"....And the truth shall set you free"

[Teresa Monsivais]

In my biased opinion, I'd tell her about the dressing. But then again, she already knows, and has always had little glimpses since before we were married. To me cheating is a major violation of trust that trumps closet dressing about 100 to 1.

I agree it is very different but in the end it can bring out feelings of betrayal, hurt deception, which can damage the relationship. I personally would fess up and say it was me. When my ex found out that I enjoyed looking at videos of women in heels or shoe dangling videos, she knew I was hiding something else. The guilt of hiding that not only did I like watching women in heels but liked putting them on myself killed me inside that I had to confess it. This was the beginning of the end of my marriage.