Things have settled down again

[kinkyboots]

Things finally got a little more relaxed here with the wife; so we had an update conversation. I let her know our marriage was worth more then some girly clothes and I had deeply hidden them up in the attic. She called me silly for doing so.
For over a month I had been having nightmares of her having left me when I get home or her storming out; it more or less shook me to the core. b.t.w it had nothing to do about dressing, she had told me a few weeks before that she had planned to leave me the previous year (before my coming out, major anger issues). apparently I obsessed on this too much; she let me know during this last talk that she fells much closer as a friend, and she can't be with anyone who isn't a friend.
Although I'm still lurking on this site (mostly incognito), and I dug up my small collection bag from the attic, I don't think I'm going to push any time soon for some girly time.
I've slowly gone back to doing her hair and nails. I let her know it's hard for me not to ask for the same when I work on hers. I'm trying to be as manly as possible for her now.
She did let me know that it was a huge blow to her ego and self-esteem for her husband to want to be girly and be able to shed it when ever I wanted; unfair was the exact words, but it was her own insecurities she was walking through.

anyway hello again.

[Erika Lyne]

(Whispering) hi Kinkyboots,

Welcome back,

Much like you being away from this site for a while, there's a real good chance that your dressing will return. I just hope you can be happy lurking. Most often after a purge (& let's be honest--that is what this is) the dressing returns with a vengeance.

I do agree with your wife though, it is "unfair." It is unfair that you can shed dressing whenever you wish and it is unfair that she can be herself to the outside world.

Best of luck,
-E

[Rachelakld]

Yes welcome back again.

I know many men, who hit their wives and children - How manly and tough is that, they also go pig hunting for weeks at a time, how tough and manly is that.
They make their families live rough, maybe on a farm, own 5 pickup trucks, 2 of which work but non are ever washed, and they do labour work for minimum wage, they are real men - Maybe that's her idea of a real man?

My wife prefers a high income earner, intelligent with a sensitive and understanding personality, and I wouldn't have married someone who wanted a man as previously described.

[kimdl93]

Whatever has gotten you to this point, keep doing it. Don't go silent on your CDing though. You need to keep talking ...among other things help her understand that your dressing is not a reflection on her but an aspect of your nature.

[DonnaT]

As a friend, your wife should get to know the whole person you are. So, either of you hiding any part of your identity should be forbidden.

[Tina_gm]

Rachel, just a quick side note here, sorry if this is a quick derailment, but the whole hunting thing and how it is usually the "manly men" who do this. This is probably just my female wiring at work here... but I don't see this as manly at all actually. At least not the hunting that is done here in the states. Dress in camo, grow the beard, out in the cold.... take a weapon that you can hunt from long range and do so covertly so the animal does not even see you. Even if it could, it would run from you anyway, whether you had a weapon or not. These animals have zero ability to cause the hunter harm. Now.... it would be a whole lot more impressive to me to go out and fight something close range, or, if they miss, this thing is gonna come at them with bad intentions and cause them to lose their life just as they were planning to end the life of the animal. Ok, observation done....

[carhill2mn]

Frequently, there are many "issues" in a marriage that have very little, if anything to do with CDing that are problems. However, the CDing may exacerbate these feelings and give the SO more "reasons". In my own case, disagreements, arguments, etc. about ordinary things frequently led to arguments about my CDing; sort of the "kitchen sink" thing.
Most men have difficulty dealing with this.

Good luck!

[kinkyboots]

Perhaps I should expand on what I view as manly: fixing things around the house, working on our long term life goals, being the partner she needs right now, being the father to two teen-aged sons. That said, what I'm not doing right now is reading her girly magazines, pining over clothes on ebay, and absolutely not mentioning any CDing until she brings it up. the longer this goes on the more she fills comfortable bringing it up and talking about it.
I'm not complaining. slowly things are getting better, and someday she might be comfortable with me dressing at home around her; if not I'll keep with the 3 or 4 times a year when I'm alone for a few hours to have a little fun.
So please no trashing on my SO, this is a partnership; and this is what is working for us now.