Now I think I am sold

[PretzelGirl]

Probably not uncommon, and I have posted about it before, but my biggest struggle since transition was accepting all was good and that I can just go on and live it. When things settle down, you would think it would be easy, but not for me as it is like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well, I have had a few things that have been pushing me in a good direction, and believe it or not, Diva Las Vegas did a lot to this end. But this last weekend really did a lot.

I went to a women's retreat with my wife to Lava Hot Springs. If you haven't been to one of these places, basically a bit of a tourist trap, but they have pools that are naturally heated from the ground. So we were there with about 80 other ladies. I asked my wife how many of them know about me (it was her crowd) and she said 3-4. Well two came with us and shared a hotel room. One was a lady that divorced her crossdressing husband (yikes). So do the math on the rest. My expectations for the weekend was being figured out, some looks of various types, and some fun. Hopefully no staredowns or "what are you doing here".

Well, I was well accepted and didn't see as much as a flinch. Lots of talking and bonding. Maybe they just hid it well, but I was also in some conversations that were rather personal, so I am thinking they didn't hear it in my voice. Just to push my luck right away, on Friday night, we had karaoke. Now the crowd had died down a bit, but once my wife tried it (she is never in front of anyone), I had to take my first shot ever of singing in front of others. A little 70's love song (sang to my wife) of Always and Forever. Well, no one passed out, gave me funny looks, or ran screaming. Maybe the music was turned up nice and high.

On Saturday night, we all hit the hot pools together. I only had a one piece, stretchy suit that wasn't skirted, but I went for it. I only had to look like the old woman I was. More joking around, storytelling, and bonding. We laid around the pool for a couple of hours and I had a great time.

So a great weekend and if they had me figured out, more power to them as they hid it well. I really feel personality coming out that I probably kept under wraps before. And a bonus for the weekend is that a friend that lives almost 5 hours away ended up there also. It was great to catch up with her! I love it!

Me serenading my love. Looks like a loud note (or lack of a note depending on your hearing).

[Rachelakld]

I also find women are more in tune with who we are.
Sounds like a fun weekend, wish I could sing

[Karen62]

Wonderful story, Sue! What a great time to just be one of the girls. But karaoke? Wow -- I just couldn't make that work right now. But I am lately singing loudly to Karen Carpenter songs (with her gorgeous contralto voice) in my car in my daily commutes, so maybe one day...

Karen

[rosetyler]

Sounds like you had fun-excellent. You look great in that pic.

[Persephone]

Very cool, Sue!

Have had some similar experiences myself (with swimming but no karaoke!) and just being "one of the girls" is an incredible experience. Glad you enjoyed it.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[PretzelGirl]

I guess the key thing to me is that I have been having more personality come out from just relaxing and being me. But there was still some hesitation and waiting for that look. This weekend, it was gone. I accepted my expectation and went forward without the usual hesitations... for the most part. Since I never have done karaoke, there was a little there. But the interaction was free flowing.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You are a real person and you are starting to feel the rest of the world reflecting that back to you.

Very happy for you!!

[kimdl93]

Sounds like you fit right in. Mom course we will never know what anyone thought, but on the other hand, it hardly matters.

[Jorja]

One of the biggest problems in the beginning after transition is not being able to relax and just let her come out completely. We tend to always think we are being heavily scrutinized by each and every person within 500 miles of us. Once we just relax and allow our personality to surface and just go for it, we get along without any problems. We actually start to have fun.

[arbon]

Really glad you had a good time. Hopefully see you both there next year?

I doubt anyone there knew from looking at you. I asked susan if anyone brought it up with her and she said no and since they all know she is married to a TS and is the trans expert when women do spot or suspect a trans person they run to tell her. But no one said a word to her.
It was a bit strange that you were at my women's retreat hanging out with my wife though, what a trip!

[PretzelGirl]

Kaitlyn, I think it does take a certain amount of relaxation to feel the reflection. Not very easy when you are tightened up waiting for reactions.

Kim, you are right, it doesn't matter. No bad treatment and no reactions. What is left?

Jorja, I expected that there would be a switch flipping point where it happened. It seems for me, it is more like a set of stairs where events are each step and I get a little more comfortable.

Theresa, I plan on seeing you there (surgery not withstanding). It was a good time and it would be good to spend it with the two of you. I wish you had been there this year, so we will have to have twice the fun next year. I didn't know they made that connection with Susan and I didn't see anyone say anything to her, even in general. But that they would have talked with her, is a little odd and probably not what she is looking for. But the story is certainly affirming!

[Ann Louise]

I'm right in the middle of the post-transition emotional process myself, and your story is pretty on the mark for me, being just another old woman out there now, like you. And it feels so so good, too. ^_^