Well on another jaunt to our ha on the west coast. This time to address our world wide field teams on the latest. This is a broadcast that I do 2x per year with an audience of several thousand. Som3hrs in front of the camera in the morning and again in the evening. I surprised the studio crew when I told them I'd do my own makeup this. Nothing really beyond a bit of foundation and powder as I'm yet to be fully out to the overall organization. I aslo realized that I'd need to do something with my hair as that has gotten considerably longer so up that went. In fact I more often then not have my hair up like in my new avatar most days.
But this post isn't necessarily about the broadcast itself but the day to day interactions at the office for the week. This broadcast I brought two collegues to assist in the broadcast with an expectation that we'd each have dinner together so that I could officially come out to them. Both of these folks have been close friends for some time and one in particular I'd consider my best male friend of all. We only rarely see each other but talk everyday and my philosophy regarding coming out is that it be done face to face (no phone, no txt, Twitter, Im, fb or any other mechanism but f2f). I figure something like this demands the respect and personal touch that it deserves.
My female collgue I told on Saturday evening. Genuine warm reception. She has many gay and trans friends so knew this one would be easy going into it... No tears or drama just good conversation and a bit of a surprise too her but as she reflected back over the past few months everything started to click in.
Coming out to my male friend I had figured might be a crap shoot that could go either way but I knew regardless that whether yesterday... Next week... Or next month... The crap shoot odds wouldn't change. I also knew going into it that I'd be significantly devastated if it went bad. In the end there really was no choice and I realized from listening to all of you over time there will be good times but also bad ones that can't be avoided.
He's followed my medical trials and tribulations over the past months but I've left some of the associate details out as might understand.
We went to dinner last evening prior to flying out separate ways this morning. I started the conversation with a heartfelt "I have something really important to discuss with you and it is going to be probably the most difficult conversation I've had with anyone, your friendship means a great deal to me and I'd hate,to have what I'm going to tell you get in the way of that". Got pretty choked up at that point but he gave me his reassuring smile and gave me time to,compose myself. With a little additional preamble I finally said "these are two big words I'm going to say.... I'm transitioning... To a woman". With a bit of a pause... He just looked at me and said.... "Are you happy? Are you healthy? If so then that's all that matters I've been your friend for many years and will continue to be your friend nothing is going to change that".
...and so it was. We talked for another couple of hours about too many things to count. My approach has been in these chats to give them the right to ask any and all questions as I figure if I can drop something like this on them then they deserve the right to ask anything that comes to mind...anything... Nothing is off the table.
After getting back to my room I had a very good cry. Taps opened pretty good. Tears of joy mind you and a great relief in the end.
Since I had 10 hours,of travel ahead this morning I got up early...showered... Did my makeup... Put on a nice blouse and jean skirt ...donned my keds .. Closed up the suitcase and headed out looking and feeling comfortable for a day in the air. But wait...he'd be waiting for me in the lobby as our flights left at essentially the same time 😄 . No worries business as usual.. Given the normal crap for being a minute late and having too much luggage; we printed our boarding passes headed to the airport on the shuttle and had a last minute coffee before parting to opposite ends of the airport to fly out. This time no handshake but a hug and a smile.
Moral of the story damn I have some great friends and they are all standing by my side. I'm not naive to think that this will always be the reception and that's ok. The hardest conversation done smooth sailing forward regardless of the outcome as my close friends remain intact.
The rest of my working team will be told in June on my next trip. That will pave the way to final outing officially at work bringing closure to this side of my transition.
Coming clean so to speak is a big part of the process. Believe in your friends because if they truly are your friends they will be there for you.
Cheers... Jennifer (grinning ear to ear) at the airport waiting for my connecting flight home. I'll truly sleep well tonight.
If all goes well girls day on Sunday with another dear friend.
Cheers again...
