What level of being out are you ?

[Teresa]

After recently finishing counselling I decided to tell my son about my CDing so now my family all know !
I know my wife feels more relaxed now the pressure of them knowing has gone !

So that's OK I'm out to my family but that's not 100% true ! They know about my CDing , so I'm only out in thought to them not the reality ! If fact no one has seen me fully dressed with wig and makeup ! My wife has seen me twice but only dressed and I briefly showed her the picture I use for my avatar . Today I went a stage further, after a conversation with my daughter about going for therapy, I asked her if she objected to me showing her some pictures, she replied that if it helped me she didn't have a problem, so I did ! She was very surprised and commented it didn't look like me ! I began to choke up when I agreed with her, I told her I wasn't embarrassed by them it was part of me that I was born with and I'm desperate to let out !

Most of us say we have pangs of guilt about taking pictures and showing on the forum or where ever ! I'm so pleased I did because they're proving a useful stepping stone to finally being out in reality ! I'm sure when you tell people you're a CDer they have an image of a guy in a dress making a fool of himself ! As soon as I show them a picture they realise he's serious about it, it's not a stupid passing whim, he obviously has a hidden feminine side that needs expressing !

So what level are you out at, is just knowing sufficient, even if it's not 100% ?

[michelleddg]

I've been out to my wife since before we were married. She's seen all the photos, even my boudoir sessions, and been out and about with me, but at this juncture has no real interest in being involved or participating. It's "my thing."

I have never ever had even a single pang to share Michelle with anybody who only knows Fred, and I'm quite sure I never will. Hugs, Michelle

[Kristy 56]

Basically in the closet. My wife knows ,hates it,and wants no part of it. Aside from that and the girls here ,only a few SAs and GGs I know from a salon that I used to frequent know.

[Nadine Spirit]

I am level 4! (whatever that means, I just kept thinking of it and thought it was too amusing to not post!)

But seriously folks. I have been out to my wife for as long as I known. I am out to my sister, both parents have passed away. I am out to most of my friends. I am out to many coworkers. They have all at least been given my blog address. And I think that almost all of them have viewed my blog. Showing them pictures does change things. They can view an image of who I am while dressed instead of just picturing something in their minds.

[Rachelakld]

Wife and 3 daughters have seen me fully dressed, helped with make up, helps select clothes for me while shopping.
Sister & husband and their children have seen my photos.
Neighbours have seen me partially & fully dressed,
local supermarket today saw me in skinny jeans, tight white top & pretty bra (no wig, no make up) and staff referred to me in the feminine.

My oldest has phobias about anything that is slightly off the "norm", while she has gay friends, she is anti-gay (although she just finished a very good thesis on transgender for her Uni study). I can't tell her, as giving her any secret is like publishing in the national paper, and would cause issues with her biological dad and his family, towards my family.

Wife and kids need me to have proper dad time (and that's what I want on my head stone "a loving dad"), so once or twice a week is enough for me.

[reb.femme]

Hi Teresa

I have a similar situation to you insofar that I am out to my wife, 3 sons and their partners plus my sister-in-law. I expect the rest of the English speaking world too, if the truth be known. My middle son told a couple of his friends, so that will definitely be common knowledge among the rest . Do I care? Big No!

However, none apart from my wife has seen me dressed, except in pictures from my website. I would happily be seen by all, but I know my wife is not overly thrilled at the prospect, so I have held back from that. My middle son is happy to both see me dressed and go out with me, but as a gay man, he has had many personal issues to deal with over the years, such that seeing dad in a dress is small beer.

I need to get out away from home, so the Way Out club with my youngest two sons is looking a good bet for the very near future. I'm hoping my wife will be coming too.

Rebecca

[sometimes_miss]

Dipped my toe in the waters when I was getting divorced; ex wife threatened to out me so I knew I needed to get ahead of the curve, and told my mother and sister. Neither went well. Sis barely talks to me now, mom is in denial and quickly changes the subject if I ever mention anything about it. After that experience, I decided not to tell anyone else at that point. Over the past decade, I've told a couple of gay women, who apparently are of the opinion that I am really gay as well but in denial. So much for the gay population being more understanding.

At this point I'm never going to tell anyone else.

[Cheryl T]

What are the parameters of the scale?
I could be a 7.5 or an 83, then again I might be a 687 ??

[colleen_cd]

I'm only out to my wife as well, with no immediate plans to tell anyone else. My wife is open and mostly accepting of the idea - though she has not seen me dressed. It's funny, she's a very liberal person, bisexual, and very supportive of LGBT rights, but has admitted she's not 100% sure about her husband being a crossdresser.

For now it's just about keeping the dialogue going, and trying to make her more comfortable with it, if possible.

[Kandi Robbins]

Of all of the people that know me, only my wife knows about Kandi.

I have not yet had any interest in telling my daughters, family or friends. The risk is too great.

I am unbelievably comfortable (more comfortable then I would have ever expected being closeted for soooo long) as Kandi and have no trouble making new friends as Kandi. I'm still pretty new at this, so I'll don't know where this is all going, how my feelings will change or even how being Kandi will continue to change me. She already has made me a better man, that's for sure.

[Kate Simmons]

Many people I know know about it although I didn't plaster it on a billboard. I tell others on a "need to know" basis for the most part.

[LexiMay]

Nobody knows. I'm pretty much at the start of my journey, kinda!

[Alice Torn]

I have not told anyone for a number of years. I have not been out in a year and a half, and that was only a short time at night. have not told anyone lately, and have no desire to.

[msniki48]

Cheryl you are definitely a 687....lol

[Bobbi46]

At the moment nobody knows it is early days for me to go outside

[AlexaK]

Just a couple of friends know for now, not sure about my family in the long run.

[Donnagirl]

Who knows.... Only my wife, kids, friends, work, neighbors and the rest of English speaking world!! Oh and the Arabic speaking world also judging by the number of friend requests and inappropriate pictures I get on my Facebook page!!!

[docrobbysherry]

I was going to say I'm a 3 or 4. Until I read Nadine's post. So, I can't be above a 3. Probably a 2?

[RADER]

My Wife knew, was OK with it; However I am in the closet
I under dress most of the time with panties every day, I wear
woman's jeans all the time, and a bra about 80% of the time.
Just not built to impersonate a Lady.
Rader

[icantwait24]

I am only out to my wife! However my mom, brother and his wife, father and mother in law have now all seen my toes pained for the last couple of weeks. Yesterday my mom was here and some how the subject got brought up, that I have always been really prissy. My wife and I looked at one another and smiled. I know we were thinking the same thing (mom you really have no idea) this past weekend I went to a few stores with my wife and kids toes all painted up, and like always I was wearing my flipflops. Walking like a girl. my wife said I have always walked funny never thinking he a girl that's why. So on a scale of 1 to 10, I would say I'm at a .5 However even though it's only a .5 I hv never felt more complete or happy in my entire life.

[Lily Catherine]

In chronological order, my parents, some close friends, the Internet (this site). Only the last one has seen what I look like dressed.

My mother was shocked when she found out last weekend that I shaved my legs. The talk already changed from "Don't dress in my clothes" to "Don't mess up my clothes" a while ago even when my stash was found out.

I am pushing to be out to the world at large, albeit without a shred of identity attached, in the not too distant future.

[flatlander_48]

Sort of horses for courses...

Later this month I will have been married to my 2nd wife for 10 years. She's known about me well before we were married and has been out with me dressed.

Regarding my LGBT employee's affinity group, I have been out as a bisexual for 5-6 years. However, in the next few weeks I will be out to them as transgender, with a wider audience likely to follow as we move into Summer and Fall...

DeeAnn

[Jason+]

I'm somewhere between that literally "dressed" fool and "but it goes to eleven."

My wife who doesn't want much to do with it knows and has seen all. My parents know and my siblings. Most of my kids know and the others won't be super surprised when they do figure it out. John Q and the general public in the establishments I frequent clearly know and some of them appear happy to see me again! Some of my co workers know and the rest have enough pieces to put the puzzle together although they have never seen more than long nails and hair.

Rather than being embarrassed by my train stopping a few stations earlier than most I am grateful I can meet my needs at the level I can.

[Nadine Spirit]

I was going to say I'm a 3 or 4. Until I read Nadine's post. So, I can't be above a 3. Probably a 2?

Maybe I was thinking of a scale of 1 to 5, huh?

[Erika Lyne]

Great thread Teresa,

I'm fairly out but selective to whom I'm out with. Like you, if I say something to someone I usually show a photo or get into the topic so that they know I'm serious about it.

People in my life I'm out with:
-Supportive wife has known since we were quite young (I was 15 when I told her) and we were married nearly 15 years ago when I was 27.
-Two younger daughters (11 & 12 now) out with for just about 2 1/2 years
-In laws, wife needed someone to talk to and she outed me. I'm ok with that. We all need support. Mother in law is ok and has seen me in a non-Halloween scenario. Father in law, only has seen me during Halloween and isn't supportive.
- A friend of my wife, again she needed support-not much there. She too has seen me dressed.
- Tried to talk to my parents years ago. Mother's response,"It is a phase. It'll pass." Um...no it won't "pass."
- Dad was worse.
- Both brothers think I'm gay even though I've never had a BF or even hinted on it. Neither know.
- About half a dozen friends, mostly female.
- About a dozen co-workers, also mostly female.
- Posted a few pics here and I feel the sense of common community here makes much of this part of me seem remotely normal.
- The last person I told face to face was a gay coworker who was hitting on me. I respectfully declined his advances and replied, "I'm not 'man' enough for you." We are even better friends now but he agrees with what I said.


Most of the times when I've come out to people, it is with someone who thinks they know me well but they usually start the conversation. It typically goes something like this,
THEM: You never seem happy.
ME: Because I am not.
THEM: Why?
ME: You would never understand and never believe it if I told you.
THEM: I swear, I know you well enough. You can trust me.
ME: It isn't about trust and NO you do NOT know me. You may think you do but you do not.

I like reading how others fit into their worlds. It just goes to show it is a spectrum and has a bell curve to it even in this forum.

-E