I am level six, I did an online test to ascertain my femininity, taste in clothes, passability and makeup skills.
In order to pass I needed to score 103.
Teresa, I think I am a bit like you, still cautious as to who I would tell.
Most of my activities occur on holidays.
I am not one for bench marks, sorry.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I'm out to my wife and that's all that matters. Cross dressing is only a very small part of my life, no one else in my family is impacted or affected by it.
I'm out to my wife, our daughters, and my sisters-in-law. All of these are people who are likely to be around when I am in female mode.
My rule about this is that I will only tell someone if there is a positive reason for doing so and minimal danger of the wrong people becoming aware.
My daughters were told so that I didn't have to sneak in and out of the house while dressed, but they were only told after they had left our local schools and were in college. It would have been unfair to entrust them with my secret while attending local schools.
My sisters-in-law are aware because their knowing means that Mimi can talk openly with them. It also makes it much easier when they visit and if we go out on the town I usually go dressed.
My parents are no longer with us and i have no siblings so that is not an issue.
Everyone else who knows me in female mode only sees Eryn, so no explaining is needed.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I told my wife while we were still dating over some 40 years ago. We kept my cross dressing a secret between the two of us until she passed last year. Since then, I have joined a cross dresser support group, told my older daughter but not my younger one, my social worker from my survivor's group and a couple of others. I would like to tell my younger daughter but haven't found the courage. I also have plenty of "selfies" but only a couple of the above have seen them. Like you, I have many beautiful pictures that show that I'm not just a dude in a dress.
Let's see, I've got two daughters that know, their SOs, and my wife. The neighbors have probably seen me wearing skirts and blouses around the yard, but I'm breaking in a new set of them now. I've talked to them while wearing boobs under my male clothes, so.... Oh yeah, another set of neighbors know also, but they also moved out a year or two ago. Hmmm, a connection? But my wife has only seen me in a bunch of skirts and a dress occasionally, but never in makeup or a wig. The daughters are used to me wearing boobs under my clothes and have seen an occasional blouse and skirts more frequently.
Where on the scale does that leave me? LOL
I take the approach of telling only those that need to know. The only person that needs to know is my wife who somewhat ironically does not want to know about my femme world.
Compartmentalising my male and female worlds protects my wife's sensitivities yet I have many friends in my femme world and a few know male me.
im very out,but selective on who really knows. my mom,sisters,nephews,brother n laws,our son,and my brother who outed me to a friend to try and break up our friendship,didnt work. im thankful i have a supportive wife who tries to understand all this.
My wife knows. She has been amazing, and although Jenny isn't too intrusive in our marriage, we do have fun shopping, and discussing fashion, makeup and shoes. To my knowledge the only other person who knows is one of my wife's work colleagues who I very rarely meet anyway. I guess others will find out one day, and that is when my crossdressing will move from secret to private.
Hi Teresa,
Interesting post . . . well I suppose I am about as out as out can be at this juncture and soon to be out to the entire CAF (military) as I am sure once I show up at work dressed, it will get around quickly.
I found your comment about showing people pictures interesting as it is true . . . until someone sees a picture or meets you dressed, their concept of what to expect can be quite tangential. Some expect to see a Mrs Doubtfire or Tootsie, others expect over the top "drag" or as you said a man looking clownish in a dress and wig with crazy make-up. When most meet me for the first time or see a picture, they comment it is not what they expected (hoping they mean that in a good way).
I am glad to read you are getting more comfortable with yourself and telling your family . . . small steps are the surest way to the biggest gains sometimes.
Hugs
Isha
My wife knows about Natalie. I have one gg friend so far that knows. Maybe someday I'll tell more close friends. But not my family they don't need to know.
as for family and friends i am only out to my wife(4 yrs ago after 27 yrs of marriage) who has become tolerant even somewhat supportive
i have made a lot of friends in the cd/tg fraternity but hope that my two adult sons(29 and 25) never find out.
Thanks everyone , some interesting replies, great if you can keep them coming !
One small correction, I wasn't looking for any sort of score, I only used the 100% figure to say fully out but I wasn't asking anyone to rate them selves, if you choose to do it OK fine maybe giving yourself a score shows how far you may want to go !
I'm so deep in the closet I've visited Cair Paravel... I'm not even sure I'm fully out to myself. I have spent the last 20 years trying to figure out who I am, and am no closer to a solution now than I was then...
I have told exactly 2 people that I feel myself to be trans*. My younger brother who is gay (finally a point of commonality?), and a work associate with whom I become rather close. My brother took it in stride, but never saw it coming; my associate wanted to ask, but thought it wiser to let me come to the point in my own time.
My wife doesn't know... I feel guilt about that, but I need to explore this aspect of myself a bit more before I drag her into what may yet be a non-issue (I'm not holding my breath).
“Anybody can look at a pretty girl and see a pretty girl. An artist can look at a pretty girl and see the old woman she will become. A better artist can look at an old woman and see the pretty girl that she used to be. But a [master] artist [...] can look at an old woman, portray her exactly as she is...and force the viewer to see the pretty girl she used to be...and more than that, he can make anyone [...] see that this lovely young girl is still alive, not old and ugly at all, but simply prisoned inside her ruined body. [...] Look at her, [... growing] old doesn't matter to you and me; we were never meant to be admired - but it does to them.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
I have been out to my wife for about two years. I dress at home, sometimes with a wig, but without make up. Not going to include additional family or friends in telling what I am about.
Trisha
Shayleigh,
Eventually it will happen and it is life changing, I felt a millstone had been lifted from my shoulders, and sobbed like I'd never cried before ! After it became a real rollercoaster ride it's taken me another twenty years to get to where I am now, and time is going too quickly to catch up, as much as I try ! All I can say it's your decision don't let anyone force you into it, there's never a right time !
I have come out to 3 women that I know. None of these people are related to me. I have a strong feeling though that others suspect I dress en femme. The ones who suspect would probably be surprised if they knew how often I actually went out en femme.
I told my wife early on while dating and she is very supportive and accompanies me out and about. Last week I told one of my sisters, the only family I ever considered telling prior, and the only one I will. She's totally fine with it and wishes I had told her sooner. I have several friends that I'm sure would be accepting, but the only way I see sharing it with them would be them finding out in some other way. I would like to come out on my terms, if possible.
My wife knows and prefers to avoid anything to do with cross dressing. So, it's is DADT. Once in a while I will forget to pack some piece of attire when don with my session. She'll place a bra or panty in the laundry closet on the dryer and tell me. No barbs are thrown. I've been out by myself on occasion. I got it out of my system. After reading the exploits of cross dressers on this site, I gave it a go several times. Without somewhere or something to do going out was really boring. I do not think just meeting other CD-ers just for the sake of meeting them is my cup of tea. I need some other communality for meeting, and, then that communality makes cross dressing immaterial. I enjoy the peace and tranquility appearing as a woman bring me. That's sufficient. Other times I feel comfortable and peaceful in my ripped up cut off jeans, no socks and well worn tee shirt and unshaven for several days.
Still deep in the closet. Obviously my friends here online who know me by my pseudonym and a SA at Dress Barn who knows my face and dress size and another pseudonym and any number of SAs who might suspect that the guy with six pair of panties, a camisole and a half slip in larger sizes might be buying for himself. But at this time, I remain in the closet and hope to keep it that way.
Not very 'out' yet in terms of people knowing both sides of me, either about cross dressing or being bisexual. But I haven't done the CD stuff for very long. I self-identify as a bisexual male CD who loves expressing the feminine side of his personality, but who has no inclination to change gender to female permanently.
I knew I was Bi since I was a teen, more than 40 years ago. But I didn't allow myself to explore that side of my inclinations because my father was homophobic. For most of my life, the only person who really knew me and knew I was bi was my GG wife, who I told before we married. But I remained monogamous and straight for the 30 years we were married, until a heart attack took her from me a year and a half ago. About the only feminine self-expression I allowed myself was role playing female characters in on-line games and RP forums - where I got pretty good at playing a female role. That was when 'Ceera' was created, and most of the on-line people that interacted with Ceera believed she was played by a genetic girl! Wife, daughter and a few close friends knew I had Ceera and a few other female characters that I role played frequently as. Wife and my best male friend also knew that sometimes that role playing took a very x-rated adult form. That male best friend also did on-line RP as a few female characters, but without the adult activities, to my knowledge. I could probably out myself to that one guy without fear, but there's no advantage to doing so - especially when I am leaving the area soon and will probably lose contact with his family not too long after we leave the state.
I started under dressing when my father died. in mid 2010. While out of town and away from my wife and daughter for a month for his funeral and to help sort through stuff in his house, I bought some bikini panties and even bought a steel boned corset, and brought them home. Wife soon learned about the panties, but I kept the corset hidden. She was uneasy about me wearing panties but put up with it, even when I replaced all my male underpants with panties. I mostly bought solid colored ones with very little to no lace, and the few lacy ones I kept hidden. My daughter knew about the panties a few months later - saw me sorting my laundry and I admitted it to her - no big deal for her. Though I did openly buy a couple of feminine-length Halloween wigs and covertly bought a blouse, a skirt, a pair of pumps and a few padded bras, I didn't shave off my beard or do any makeup and only tried a fully female mode of dress with wig a few times in the privacy of my home, while alone. So for the next year and a half there was really nothing to be 'out' about other than that I was wearing ladies panties under my male clothes.
My wife passed away in Jan 2014. I came out to my daughter about wanting to openly cross dress, and we discussed it, and she was fully supportive. So I bought a closet full of girl clothes and some better wigs, and some makeup, and about 6 months later ventured out of the house for the first time as a girl - to a local gay nightclub.
A lot of the people at that nightclub now know Ceera on sight, but not one of them knows my real name. Only one employee there has ever seen my male face and been able to associate me with Ceera - and that was only because I had to retrieve a hip pad that I lost at the club, and didn't have time to transform to girl mode. Other than that one time, where I waited at the door for him to bring me that pad, I never go there in male mode.
Right now, I would have to say my daughter remains the only person I am fully 'Out' to, who knows my male side well, and also knows I am bisexual. She's fully supportive.
The half dozen or so ladies who work at the wig spa where I bought my last wig have all seen me in male and female modes, buying a wig from them and getting it sized properly. They know only that I CD for fun about once a week, and are wonderfully accepting of me in either mode, treating me as a lady when I am in their shop as Ceera. But they don't really 'know me'.
Two casual friends in the fursuiting community know about Ceera now, but have only seen me in a single photo as her. They know my male name and some other details, but not much about my life.
Quite a few people who attended the furry or anime conventions where I have worn my vixen mascot costume have seen my male face when I took the costume head of the very female fox character off to cool off in the 'fursuit lounge' or to attend a lecture or panel. But none of them know my male side at all, and most don't know my name. I've attended one large public dance at an anime con while fully en-femme as Ceera, but again, few people there know me. And it's 'accepted' in the furry and anime community that people cross dress a lot to portray various characters.
Two of my daughter's school friends have seen me in my vixen outfit at an anime con, and knew it was me. My daughter's BFF kind of blinked the first time she saw me as a vixen, and asked my daughter, "Is that your dad?", and my daughter told her it was, and that I was 'cosplaying as one of my original characters', which was quite true. My vixen fursuit is the Ceera character I role played as on-line for decades. Both of those friends of hers haven't mentioned it to me since then, or discussed anything else with me.
So far, none of the rest of my family know about Ceera at all. I'm in no great rush to tell them. I dearly love my sister and trust her with almost all my secrets, but cross dressing and sexual stuff aren't among them. While she might accept me, I doubt her husband would, and I am uncertain how my three nieces and my nephew in her family would take it. There is no benefit to me exposing that side of me to them, at this point.
None of my coworkers know I cross dress. I telecommute full time and have even been fully dressed at home through my full work day, but they can't see me, and I remember to 'use my guy voice' when talking to them on the phone.
When I move to a new state in a few months, I am hoping to CD about 50% of the time and to try to be out to all my new friends and neighbors in that town. A fresh start with people who will have known me in no other way. Exciting and frightening at the same time, but the community that I am moving to is very LGBT friendly.
Last edited by Ceera; 05-18-2015 at 08:50 AM.
OMG! There are levels?Great. Something else to fail at.
Honestly I don't know what level I'm at. There are many people who know Jennie. There are many more who know my male representation. There are few who know both. So maybe I'm at whatever level is, say, 25% of full scale.
Well I for one have said to myself, self its time your over 50 so lets stop hiding and just go for a ride. I have been in the military for 30 years and having to repress for that long was hard but i have been coming out to close friends (very close) but no family i don't think they would understand. I am very happy that the VA will offer free counseling and I now know im not alone its a process.
Erika
Not really out at all, but I am not married and more on the trans side / gay whatever so don't really care. It's also very sporadic in that the urge pops up only now and again then I go back to very straight life. Odd. I like the freedom though and when the feeling strikes I often just get into it for a couple of days. Most close friends know and literally don't care. It's been a feature of my life for over 20 years now since I became comfortable with it.
My wife knows that inside I love being a girl. I have worn Natalie's short shorts in public. I didn't get one bad comment when I did. It felt so good!!!!!!!!! My kids do not know I am a girl. When the wife is at work and the kids are at school you will find me in a skirt!!!!!!! School is almost out for the summer so I wont be wearing a skirt as often as I like. Ready for the next school year to start.
My wife knows and is supportive. I try to stay away from home when I go out since i'm still closeted to the extent that friends and neighbors don't know.
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