I am at the stage where it is time I think to tell somone about my new lifestyle my first thought is that I have an old friend who is now lesbian (due to circumstances), would this person be the best starting out point to telling people about how I am ?
The fact your friend is lesbian does not mean she is any more accepting towards CD/TG/TS people.
Just remember, if you tell someone, you cannot un-tell them later!
- Suzie
Telling people can be tricky...do they REALLY need to know? How will it help your relationship with that person? Will it make it any better? Those are some questions I ask myself before I tell someone...with THAT being said...every gay person I know now knows I am a crossdresser....including my sister, who is a lesbian....some were shocked , some said "well that makes sense"....but overall in the end I guess it helped the situation. It seems women ( that you are NOT dating or married to )...and the gay communitity are fine with it, in my experience, everyones different I guess though. All my girl friends and gay friends know. good luck xoxo
I just feel that I should be open than I am and I think my friend might be more amenable to what I need to say. When she told me she is a lesbian she was quite open about telling me. I t think I am at that point now perhaps with her.
Longlegs,
I think it's irrelevant her sexual preferences, if you know her well enough and you think it might help you without upsetting her then tell her !
It gets easier once you get over the first hurdle, the more people you tell the normal it feels to be talking about it ! Hopefully if you don't pick the wrong person and get a bad reaction you'll find the whole CDing thing comes more into the open !
thats exactly what happened with my sister....she came out to me as lesbian....then I told her I'm a sucker for a good pair of heels, a fancy handbag, and lipstick xoxo
I think you need to be more realistic about your reasons for wanting to disclose to others. You have been posting here for all of two weeks and your first post revealed a thing for lingerie and soon thereafter, acquiring your very first bra. You talk about having "no qualms" about going to the door dressed (including lingerie) to greet someone you don't know.
Thing is, no one knows or cares what you are wearing underneath your clothes so that shouldn't even be part of your decision making process. Are you planning on presenting as a female, or guy in women's clothes, to those you know? If so, then by all means you should be mapping out your disclosure plan. However, if it is just to have someone to confide in, or just some other desire for people to simply "know" what makes you tick, proceed with caution. As has been mentioned, once the genie is out of the bottle, you cannot put her back inside.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
I'm with Sara Jessica 100%!
Why do you need to tell someone? For you or for them? If you plan on presenting female as part of your day to day life AND that someone you want to tell will be impacted, then fine. Otherwise, why?
I agree with others. Go slow. Learn. Enjoy. Experience. Then determine what you should do.
You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. If you feel you need to, maybe someone close to you who you can trust with the secret. It doesn't have to be any certain "type" of person.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
No one is a best starting out point for baring your soul.
Only tell if circumstances make it easy and the other person could be receptive.
Otherwise don't tell.
If you join a group that is familiar with what you do then you are probably okay.
Otherwise don't bother.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I think it just sucks to have secrets in general so I totally understand why someone would want to tell people.
My advice to Part-Timers has always been to start with yourself. I know that sounds silly, but try letting your secret inform your lifestyle before you inform others of your secret.
If you're a dude who is soooooo closeted that everything you do just reeks of alpha male douchebaggery then your big reveal is probably not going to be received very well. However, if you USED to be a closeted douchebag but have been slowly coming out of your shell and being more open and compassionate and perhaps less phobic about gender or sexuality issues then you have very likely begun to attract the kind of friends who would accept you with open arms.
I used to get in trouble around here for suggesting that people need to fully accept themselves before they drag other people into their closets with them, but I'm afraid it is what it is.
You should also consider that some people might have different opinions depending on if the situation is close to them or remote from them. In other words, if you ask some "fishing expedition" questions to judge your friends opinion on CD/TG/TS, she might express that she is OK with other peoples gender expression whatever it might be. BUT ... it can happen that the opinion is different, and less accepting, if it is a person close to her!
It can be difficult to test the water with this topic as people can sometimes have a "not in my back yard" attitude to it.
As others have said very well, think about why you feel you need to tall someone. Consider if it is important enough to risk loosing a friend if she have difficulties dealing with this topic.
- Suzie
I have just started to go out to town and felt fairly confident in doing that, but what I am trying to say is that going back to the begining of this post is relevant to what I am trying to achieve in that is it not a good idea to confide in a close friend rather than them finding out because someone they knew saw me and told them, could in this case, be that my friend was a bit upset that she was told first instead of finding out third hand.
This friend that I have who I mention is lesbian, although orientation does not come into this I have thought that speaking to her would be the best as she only turned lesbian recently and I think baring that in mind she would be more receptive and understanding in what I feel must be done.
With my need tell somebody comes back to the fact that now I am going out I would rather a close friend heard it from me first than from a third person, yes some people can be offended by told of such and then a friend is lost in this instance seeing as my friend is a recent lesbian might be easier for both of us because both of us have experienced the before and after. one sexual orientation does not so much come into this as finding a path through it all.
^this was my experience. My mom and sister were just fine with the gay teacher in school, and the gay actor next door. What nice men they were! Invited to holiday dinners with us and such. So when I told them that I was a crossdresser, I expected acceptance. Nope. Sister had a horrified look on her face when I told her, and now treats me like a leper; basically has cut off communication with me. Mom was disgusted that I CD; the few times I mentioned anything about it she will say something like, 'Are you STILL doing that?', and then she changes the subject.Originally Posted by Suzie Petersen
Be careful who you tell. Don't just do it because you want to be loved for who you really are. Better to be loved for who you're not, than not loved at all, and remember that last, because once you're out as a crossdresser, you may never have another romantic relationship with a woman ever again, as the odds are better that you'd win the lottery.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Let's back up just a bit. I think it's fine to be honest about yourself, particularly if you are beginning to live more openly as a transgendered person. If that's the case, pick the closest friend or friends, the person who inevitably must know the truth if anyone must. Their gender or sexual preference doesn't matter as much as the depth of your relationship and the depth of your commitment to come out.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
I'm in a similar point in my life where I want to tell someone about me. I plan on choosing this person with much thought. Just because someone is gay, lesbian or bisexual does not guarantee they will be accepting or understanding. I understand why you would want to though as they may have a better chance of empathizing considering they would face similar discrimination and other challenges. Just remember that there isn't any going back afterwards. <3 Good luck.
Hi Bobbi,
I am in agreement with most here regarding the "big tell" to the world writ large. You have to be very comfortable with yourself and fully understand what it is you expect to get out of this. You state you are going out with some confidence but I am not sure do you mean your fully "en femme" or just underdressing. If you are presenting female, is this something you feel you can just do from time to time and put it away until next time? Or is it something you feel a need to do often to the point where it could be part of your life, both private and social? Or are you not sure?
I made a decision to come out to the world writ large because I knew this was more than just occasionally cross dressing for me and as such, people I knew were going to see me, interact with me and work with me while I was presenting female. If you don't feel a need to have this in your life other than an occasional outing or you are not sure, my honest advice, wait for a bit of time to fully understand where you fall in the TG spectrum before telling people. Good friends or not, once you release that information you loose positive control over it. However, if you know in your soul that this is you and you are comfortable with you and are not concerned who knows then telling a close friend is a good way to start and slowly increase you circle of trusted agents as time goes on.
Hugs
Isha
When I went I was not just underdressing i had on a skirt and blouse etc and it just felt right I am not worried about being out dressed but what I want to avoid is my close friends finding out before I can tell themthe other side of the coin I suppose iis to carry on and see what happens.
I think if one wants to live 24/7 as a woman then it is important to tell some people.
Firstly for me I had to accept myself and what I was doing.
Figured the price would be high and it was
I came out first to a lesbian couple I know and they were completely cool about and actually helped me a bit then it was to a couple of straight females I know of which one helps me with makeup and the other likes to shop with me cause I find all these funky shops
On the other hand some don't want anything to do with me,so be it that is there prerogative
Bottom line for me is I am who I am ,Accept myself with what I do and love doing it
I told my wife and she was understanding and accepts it all just have boundaries and limits. I told a good GG friend of mine and she is helpful in shopping and fashion so its fun.
Erika
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