This past Saturday night, I attended the GNO up in Rochester, NY. From my home (~15 miles west of the stated Elmira) it is a 100 mile drive. To me it is an interesting group in terms of the people and sufficiently far from my home and co-workers.
I was about half of the way back on the return trip when I decided to stop for a coffee. There's a McDonald's just off the expressway in a small town called Dansville. Unfortunately by the time I made my decision, I missed the exit. As it was dark (~1:30am) I didn't want to risk it as the elevation drops pretty quickly and it's unlit. In daylight, no problem, but I didn't want to take the chance of running over something. So, I got off at the next exit which is at the southern edge of town. How hard could it be to find my way back? But, although I have stopped at that McDonald's many times in almost 23 years, I realized that I had never been actually IN the town of Dansville.
So, I wandered around a bit at the prescribed speed and eventually found the main street of the town. However, after 2 intersections with blinking yellow signals, I went through a 3rd intersection with a blinking red light light and didn't stop. I was looking for signs related to where I wanted to go and just missed it. About a block past the intersection I saw red, white and blue flashing lights in the mirror.
I was fully dressed: black knee length skater skirt, black and white print blouse, black tank, fushia footless tights, black clogs and silver bracelet below the neck and wig, full makeup and medium size dangly earrings above. All totalled to my way of thinking, fun but not over the top and definitely not provocative.
In the mirror I could see the top of the car door open. An unexpected sense of calmness came over me as I thought: be straightforward, don't volunteer, be consistent, don't challenge and never let them see you sweat.
The conversation:
Officer: Do you know why I stopped you?
DeeAnn: No, I don't.
O: You missed the blinking red light. you didn't stop.
D: Oh.
O: Are you going to Rochester? (I was pointed roughly north at the time)
D: No, I'm going to Corning.
O: Oh, you came from Rochester?
D: Yes.
O: What were you doing in Rochester?
D: I attended a social gathering.
O: Let me see your license.
Fumbled around in my purse for a bit until I remembered that I put my license, credit cards, etc. in one of the pockets. I gave the license to the officer and he went back to his car and got in. In a few minutes he came back.
O: You the owner of this car.
D: Yes.
O: Why did you go to Rochester?
D: I went to a social gathering.
He went back to his car, stayed a few minutes and returned.
O: Well Don (my real name), it's like this. I don't care if you crossdress or whatever. That's your own business. I'm not going to write you up for anything.
He gave me my license back.
O: Well, I don't know how you happened to land in Dansville. Shoot, nobody WANTS to come here.
D: I was going to go to the McDonald's and missed the exit. How do I get back to the expressway?
O: I don't care. Do a U-turn right here, go down 2 blocks and make a right.
D: OK, thank you.
I was a little skeptical about being told to make an illegal turn as I had no witnesses that he actually said that. On the other hand, I didn't know what other way to go and I felt it was in my best interest to leave as quickly as possible. It was also a bit troubling to me that while this interaction took place, a 2nd patrol car pulled up behind the officer's car and an unmarked car pulled up beside him. That struck me as odd unless the town is just SO Dull that I was providing their whole entertainment for the weekend. Curious.
As I drove away, I thought about what had just happened. I was still very calm and it almost felt like I could pass a polygraph. I think what was behind all this was a sense of resignation. Whatever was going to happen, was going to happen. It was doubtful that I could make the situation better, but I certainly could make it worse very easily.
I'm reminded of this quote by Rachel Maddow:
"The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you've just told them"
Our LGBT employee affinity group has an event every Fall and I'm on the planning committee with 3 others. In the past week I've told 2 of the members that I would like to volunteer to be the MC for event, but that I identify as transgender and want to do it as DeeAnn. The 4th member was not able to make the meeting, but I have a lunch scheduled with him in a couple of days. So far the reaction has been very positive and that it would be very appropriate as our entertainer for the evening will be Ian Harvie, a transgender comedian. So, perhaps my degree of calmness had to do with the process of coming out. This is the second time for this kind of thing as I came out to our full group as bisexual 5 or 6 years ago. Maybe that's the thing about coming out: you're never really done with the process.
DeeAnn