When I got home from work yesterday, my wife confronted me with 2 pairs of panties I had forgotten to take out of the dryer. We've been married for 30 years and she didn't know I was dressing. I had originally told her before we got married and said that I would stop. We never spoke of it again. I did not dress for nearly 22 years until our daughter went off to college. I did have my share of fantasies. I started with a pair of pantyhose and progressed to a small wardrobe, forms, wig, etc. I was very careful to clean up and put everything away until yesterday.
I had always thought that a reveal would be as risky as discovery and I think I was right. She didn't get mad, but she is very upset. She asked nearly the standard questions - Do you want to be a woman? - No. Are you bi-sexual? - No. Do I want to be with men? - No. I explained that I am only heterosexual and only want to be with her.
I explained that I have been a CD all my life, and that there is no fix or cure. I said I hadn't lied to her as I just didn't tell her (she actually got that). Her biggest problem is that "she is no longer number one". By this she means that I should choose her over dressing. She mentioned divorce and that she would be unable to be accepting. Her next biggest problem was "being locked out of the house". By this she means she would not want to walk in on me and had to call first (she had always called before leaving work so I could get dinner started). When I talked about tolerance and DADT she listened, but "needs to wrap her head around the entire situation." We talked for a couple hours, but mostly repeated the same themes.
I asked if I could hug her and she said yes. We embraced and after a few minutes she decided to watch TV and go to bed. I came to bed later and she was asleep. I fell asleep, but woke up about 1 am and couldn't fall back to sleep. I laid quietly with hundreds of thoughts running through my head. About 4:30 she turned over and touched my hand. I responded with my own touch. This continued until we were embracing, kissing, and finally making love.
Afterward we held each other and talked some more, but kept repeating the same subjects. I promised her I would not dress again until she "wraps her head around it". While I am hopeful, I am still very much afraid our marriage may not recover.
I'll try to get a handle on things and lay low for a while.
Any advice or comments would be appreciated.