Here's how I see this; I'm going to be quite blunt.
You will not get anywhere until you stop apologizing for being yourself!
As Reine says, you and your wife seem to have the same concerns for your children, although they seem to manifest quite differently. Her's is anger; yours seems to be groveling. For pity's sake get up off your knees; dressing is one of the things that helps make you a good husband and father, it's an integral part of your being and your wife needs to realize and understand this.