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  1. #51
    Senior Member Sammy777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    Just because a dude says he's attracted to dudes doesn't mean he's gay.
    Sheesh, can't a man just make sweet love to another man without people thinking he's gay?
    Dude! That was awesome, you totally rocked my world, can we cuddle? Oh and uh, "No Homo"

    Sorry, couldn't resist.

    Seriously thought, sure its a misconception and yes many people may have the wrong picture about "All CD'ers must be Gay".
    But let's get real here for a second, being thought of or seen as Gay/Homosexual is not an exclusive problem of CD'ers.

    I know I've told this story on here before, but here goes again.
    [This took place many years ago before being out (TS) even to myself, and still thought/considered myself a "Straight - Guy"]
    I had a best friend "Bob". Real short version: My whole family loved him and considered him "one of the family".

    So, one day I'm with my Aunt and her B/F "John" (Was also "one of the family", someone I'd known pretty much my whole life.)
    At this point in time I, my family and "John" had known my friend "Bob" for about 10+ years now.

    (its been a long time, so a bit of paraphrasing going on here)
    So me and "John" are talking and he asks me where "Bob" is? Home.
    So how are things going with you and "Bob" Fine...? Why you ask?
    Just expected to see him here, you two have known each other for how long now? IDk 10yrs?

    That's a long time to be with someone. HUH?? What do you mean?
    Well you two are together right? I mean he's your B/F right?

    ****Shocked pause**** You mean "Bob"? Uh no, he's just my friend.
    (I wasn't mad or upset or pissed. It was just something I wasn't expecting to hear.)

    Well he's always around, I just thought you two were a couple. Uh nope. LOL.

    So you really thought we were a couple? Yes.
    So this whole time ... You thought I was Gay? Yes I did. That's funny!
    ** Conversation continues normally **

    So, My reaction to finding this out? Had a good laugh about it with "John" and was not the least bit offended by it.
    This person I grew up around (thought of as family) had thought for at least the last 10+ years that I was legitimately Gay.

    In closing, Regular folk get mistaken for "Gay" all the time too for a lot of different reasons.
    So, Don't get your panties all up in a bunch because someone (you don't even like) thinks you're "probably" Gay for CD'ing.
    Last edited by Sammy777; 05-24-2015 at 12:49 PM.
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  2. #52
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    I don't know. Maybe it's all those threads that have hundreds of posts and thousands of views where CDs fantasize about getting getting their knee pads on or being bent over the couch by a big manly stud "when dressed."

  3. #53
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    a warning to others who might decide to prance around the yard dressed.
    It's weird that I keep reading that word, along with 'parading' when it comes to guys who are crossdressed. I can't imagine anyone prancing or parading around alone by themselves. How does anyone get this into their mind?

    And to answer the OP: Most womens clothing is designed to show off the female figure. And most of the time, crossdressers will do what they can to make themselves appear female as well, you'll see plenty of threads here about breast forms, shaving legs, make up, hair and wig styles, etc.. So it's a pretty good example of men trying their best to look like women. Now why would anyone want to do that? Well, why do women try to show that they look different from males? To enhance mating. What is does that include? Sex with men. So it's a natural progression to see why the general population will conclude that if you're dressing up as a woman, trying your best to look like one, then you are trying to attract men. Which of course implies that you are gay. We can argue all day long about this. But the end result will be the same. Because we are brought up to believe certain basic things, and one of those things is that there are two sexes, and that there are very definite, set in stone differences that define us. That will gradually change, but right now, thats the way it is. Feel free to argue. But it's not going to change the world's current state of predisposition towards believing that we are doing this because we have homosexual feelings, whether outwardly or that we are in denial of some sort. Educating the rest of the population is going to take time. A lot of time.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  4. #54
    Member DeeDeeB's Avatar
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    What I want to know is since I'm fond of women (been married to one for 30 years), am I a lesbian? And is she? I know several couples who wonder the same thing so any help here would be appreciated.

    And who are these "normal" people being spoken of? Are they the homophobes and/or transphobes? Are they "normal"? Certainly not in the world I live in.

    Dee

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeeDeeB View Post
    What I want to know is since I'm fond of women (been married to one for 30 years), am I a lesbian? And is she? I know several couples who wonder the same thing so any help here would be appreciated.
    And if you did know the answer to that, what would it change? Would you quit dressing? Would you transition?

    Personally, I think the answer would be nothing. Nothing would change. Further, it makes about as much sense as a dog chasing his tail.

    DeeAnn

  6. #56
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I think Jenifer got it right.
    My area - last news broadcast (we still have TV) Cross dressing prostitutes hanging out by school at night.
    Ads on TV / radio, dinner & drag show only $39.99 etc
    Talk about internet and information, but what does Heather or many older folk know about "chondrules", yes the info is on the internet, but not everyone knows about them.
    Heather probably chatted to someone with a logo on his t-shirt yesterday, so what was his t-shirt about Heather, I'm sure the info was on the front?

    What "normals" know about crossdressers, is the stereotype that has been in their face for the last 20 years, and until we put up a different story, and in their faces like the gays did, well we are stuck with that image.
    Last edited by Rachelakld; 05-25-2015 at 05:04 AM.
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  7. #57
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    One misconception here is that the person "thought" at all, rather than verbalising the social field's view on the matter.
    Another misconception "we" share is our perspective on our sexuality. Even if we are "straight as straight as straight can be", we probably just have a deeply suppressed homo-erotic aspect of our selves, rather like late-developing CD'ers (like myself) had suppressed their female side. Until one is in the situation, one simply does not know. As a teen I had a male relationship in parallel with girlfriends (we both considered ourselves straight though). I never felt attracted to males, but who knows if i just don't meet the male I would be attracted to?!
    There's nothing wrong with any of "it", is there? We're part of LGBT in order to give greater power to our minority aspect of society, but the mainstream is far less straight than one might think!

    xxx Pamela
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  8. #58
    A woman developing Candy Cox's Avatar
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    Let's see: small minds, stereo-types, fear, any number of control issues may be the predominate reasons.

    Actually, I am amazed at how fast the culture IS changing. Many schools have to deal with trans children right now- which bathroom to use, can the mtf boy use the girls room, etc. It took decades to get the gay agenda mainstream, but now the other (semi-related) issues are flowing right out.

    For instance: I went shopping the other day semi-dressed. Had no time to do full make-up, no wig, (I don't think I can pass totally right now anyway). So I wore a blouse and necklace, lipstick, eye brow liner, bracelet, jeans. Everyone knew I was a guy wearing girls clothes at the outdoor mall. So No one stared, that I saw. Maybe some snickers? The sales girls were SO very helpful: I tried on a bunch of dresses at several stores. At the shoe rack in the back of one store: I am trying on some KILLER spike heels, high end Vince C, and a lady talks to me about how great the shoes are. SHE DOES NOT EVER CARE IF A GUY IS TRYING ON SPIKE HEELS, never phased her!

    progress and changes are made all the time
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    Candy
    My favorite things in life: a nice boyfriend

  9. #59
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    Most people don't give it much thought and once confronted with the problem take the simplest solution, which is to lump all gender and sexual non-conformity into one group.

    In some ways they are correct. As a male I am a married straight guy. As Eryn, I still love Mimi an I'm not interested in guys so I am gay. Luckily, she is not bothered by that so we remain happy.
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
    "She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
    "Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]

  10. #60
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    Your neighbour is either ignorant or a bigot or perhaps just an ignorant bigot. That his son would stay home to catch a glimpse of you dressed is a little creepy. When someone does that it makes you wonder what motivated their curiosity. Maybe he is repressing something; like wanting to cross dress.

    Not much you can do about your neighbour except ignore him and his son.

    I just read through the other posts on this thread. Whoa, some strange opinions here mixed in with the common sense. For example if walking around your backyard while dressed can be described as "PRANCING", what do you call walking around in a pair of shorts or even your bathing suit?
    Does dressing in female clothing cause us to "PRANCE"?
    Last edited by Katey888; 05-26-2015 at 02:48 PM. Reason: Consecutive posts merged - please use edit post to add to existing post rather than adding a successive post...

  11. #61
    Secretary Extraordinaire ShayLeigh Dominique's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    Isabella, the irony of this statement by Richard Novak is that is is a projection of his own situation on others to help justify himself. The irony is that he is a psychologist and should be able to be objective. Certainly from respondents on this forum, some of what he wrote is true, but for many, such as myself, it is not. Straight is straight. My cross dressing has no relationship to my sexuality. It's weird that I cross dress, but it stops there.
    And you know, as I am sure you do, that's OK.

    Though I must say that, for some of us, Dr. Novak's words hit a very sensitive place in our core.

    Quote Originally Posted by JessicaMann View Post
    I can't speak for anyone else, but when Jessica takes control, I am attracted to men!!! but when, she loosens her hold on my psyche, the thought of being with another man repulses me?!?!?!! am I gay? Bisexual? Two beings sharing a body?? Bipolar?? or Just Nuts????
    Can't it be "D. All of the above"?
    I'm trying to learn to accept me for me (as soon as I figure out who that is). I'm confident right now my answer to your question(s) is most certainly "D."

    Quote Originally Posted by reb.femme View Post
    Social conditioning says, "If you wear a skirt, you obviously like men". That's my take on it anyway!

    Rebecca
    The Lesbian population would tend to disprove this... So it makes less sense that "Man in Dress = Man attracted to Man".

    Quote Originally Posted by ErikaS View Post
    Isabella, I read your post and just started to cry I don't understand im just trying to get a grip on whats going on in me. as i try to understand lately i cry more. Thank you.

    Erika
    ErikaS, I'm in your boat. Not so much on the crying, I think my crier is burnt out or clogged. (Gods forbid the latter, watch out for the flood when it comes unclogged!)
    Last edited by ShayLeigh Dominique; 05-25-2015 at 04:14 PM. Reason: Consolidation of Posts
    “Anybody can look at a pretty girl and see a pretty girl. An artist can look at a pretty girl and see the old woman she will become. A better artist can look at an old woman and see the pretty girl that she used to be. But a [master] artist [...] can look at an old woman, portray her exactly as she is...and force the viewer to see the pretty girl she used to be...and more than that, he can make anyone [...] see that this lovely young girl is still alive, not old and ugly at all, but simply prisoned inside her ruined body. [...] Look at her, [... growing] old doesn't matter to you and me; we were never meant to be admired - but it does to them.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

  12. #62
    Banned Read only calliekat's Avatar
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    Wow. Interesting perspective on this. I kind of understand what the op might be saying. If you are not gay, sometimes it feels insulting if someone says or thinks you are.
    From what I have read and heard, a majority of cd'ers are NOT GAY. So again it is very presumptuous for someone to assume you are. Yes, it's not withing "normal" perspective. I am not one to judge or spread "bigotry." I do what I do and enjoy it. It doesn't effect anyone and people need to learn to STFU.

  13. #63
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    I originally passed this topic by because I can't think why any normal person wouldn't think a crossdresser is attracted to men... now I'm going to stick my oar in.

    Until the general population is educated on the topic, it's a perfectly reasonable assumption to make. Just like it's perfectly reasonable for wives to ask their crossdressing husbands if they (the husbands) want to become a woman. These are perfectly reasonable, sadly uneducated responses and getting our collective knickers in a twist over it is rather silly. The answer is to educate the general public. Conversations are starting to open up -- lunchtime chatter about Bruce Jenner is happening. Go out and do some educating. If you don't want to put yourself on the line use the classic "I've read that the majority of crossdressers are heterosexual males who have no interest in getting a sex change." (Yeah, I know, "sex change" is a naughty phrase here, but it's the one muggles understand.)

    Someone posted a line something like "Be the change you want to see happen." This is a perfect example.
    Last edited by Pat; 05-26-2015 at 03:18 PM. Reason: freakin' autocorrect

  14. #64
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    It is simply a matter of lack of education , and understanding. I used to think if someone is brown skinned and speaking Spanish, they are Mexican. Not necessarily true. Many nationalities speak Spanish. Or , i heard people speaking German, that means they are G ermans. Not always so! They could be Swiss, or Austrian. The problem with most humans, is a lack of understanding.

  15. #65
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    bottom line.

    Sack up and own who you are or let other people define you. Your desire to stay hidden intersects with people's ignorance. It is that simple.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
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  16. #66
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    It's very simple.

    Straight, cisgender people understand only two things - penises, and vaginas. In their world, a very simplistic mental model holds up:
    If you have a penis:
    a) you are a boy
    b) you like girls

    If you have a vagina:
    a) you are a girl
    b) you like boys

    They've started to get their minds around the binary of straight / gay. So the amended rules look like this:

    If you have a penis:
    a) you are a boy
    b) you like girls, unless you are gay

    If you have a vagina:
    a) you are a girl
    b) you like boys, unless you are a lesbian

    There is simply no other possibilities in most of their mental models. So what that means is:
    - if you aren't like everyone else somehow, you must be gay or lesbian.

    It doesn't help that their models for "gay" equals "effeminate male" and "lesbian" equals "butch female."

  17. #67
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    I've weighed in earlier in this thread, but as I've been reading the newest comments, I realized something. First, again, I don't care if someone thinks I'm gay or not. If someone thinks either... then he or she is half right - I'm bi. Big deal.

    But, as I read, I see where we all have a stake in how people view us - mainly because it ultimately effects how we're treated in public. Gays were universally reviled some time back - and now we are seeing acceptance of Gay marriage. Heck, Ireland, a big time Catholic country now has legalized Gay marriage. The fear and revulsion that many people felt toward Gays has changed as they are educated.

    So, when I think of going out dressed, the issue of whether I'm Gay or not is minor to me. No, the issue for me is a picture stuck in my mind of the serial killer in "Silence of the lambs" tucking his penis and prancing around as a woman. This is an image that I greatly fear the bigoted, uneducated among the general public might conjure up about crossdressers. And it is frightening to think that when someone glances at me, they might have that awful image in their mind.

    So, I guess I'm saying... the bigger picture is not that someone might picture you as Gay or Lesbian or Bi-sexual - if I understand anything from the comments in this thread, it's that we all have a thousand different ideas of our own sexuality, and there's nothing wrong with any of it. If you think crossdressing is uncovering some hidden sexual attraction for a gender you had no interest in before... big deal. Ultimately, nothing you might do is harmful (except to a standing relationship, and that is more about fidelity and honesty - not your sexual thoughts). When I realized I was Bi, it didn't change anything else about my life - it only added another, fuller dimension to my existence.

    No, if we have anything to worry about, it's being thought of as something like that horrible scene in "Lambs" - and only educating the public and standing up for ourselves will change public perception (something that is happening if I correctly read the comments you all have made).
    Last edited by Sandie70; 05-27-2015 at 11:04 AM.

  18. #68
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    Firstly I must apologise to Heather.
    I took a comment of hers, that because transgender was on the internet, that everyone should know about us, and I over reacted, thinking it a silly assumption and didn't explain myself fully.

    I remember how the gays got themselves accepted by "normals" in such a way that "normals" understand gay (well, most anyway and we got lumped in to their camp as the vocal trans were gay). Gay was not out in public before then, but still existed in the shadows

    If "normals" think we are gay, do we want to change their view of us? and if so how? or should we just accept this concept and go about our business?
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  19. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelakld View Post
    If "normals" think we are gay, do we want to change their view of us? and if so how? or should we just accept this concept and go about our business?
    Yes, we want to change their view, but not for the traditional reasons CDs have wanted to assert their straightness. (i.e. homophobia.)

    The reason trans people need to change this view is because conflating gender identity / expression with sexual orientation is seriously counterproductive when dealing with the very real issues of either gender identity or gender expression.

  20. #70
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by badtranny
    It may be true that the majority of cross dressers are straight men, but you have to admit that there are not very many of you out in the open. The only guys that seem to be comfortable with it are in fact gay.
    This is likely the best reason right here. What has been shown through the media, and those who have known CDers because of their openness about it usually are gay. Female impersonators a.k.a. drag queens are overwhelmingly gay. While there are examples of TS women who have never had any attraction to men, not even after a full transition and have gone on to marry or stay married to a woman, I am going to put it out there that there are a higher number of those who CD who are at least bi-curious. It may still fall well under half of "just CDers" but still higher than the amount of gay or bi-sexual non CDers. Enough proof is had on here, the cleanest of sites when it comes to transgender when the subject of attraction to men comes up. It always or almost always gets some of the largest number of responses.

    I am also going to say let's get real here. Gay men are typically more feminine than straight men. Not that there aren't plenty of examples of the opposite, but just in general there are more that are on the feminine side. People putting all of what they have seen together, are going to make this assumption.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

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