1. Being outed.
2. Needing to transition.
Then I attempted suicide, and stopped feeling fear at all.
1. Being outed.
2. Needing to transition.
Then I attempted suicide, and stopped feeling fear at all.
My main two worries were being recognised by what I told about myself on a public forum like this, the other to chat about CDing in a language other than my native one. My English is good enough to tell simple things, but expressing my true deep emotions in another language is pretty hard. In the end decided to join anyway as this is such a beautiful and serious forum, whereas all the forums in my country are just porn and gay orientated.
Originally Posted by PaulaQ
Fear may be in my vocabulary, but embarrassment is not... I am on a bullet train to gods know where since I acknowledged I may finally want an answer to the question "Am I Trans_(fill in the blank)". I am not "out" out, but I had no problem going to the drug store today (for the first time) to bolster the makeup kit I received 10 days ago for my Birthday. If the young SA "read" or "clocked" me, she was kind and polite enough not to react, freak, or comment (at least not while I was still there).
I joined because I figured "Hey, these people are diverse and open minded and accepting, maybe I can get some info here to help me figure out my Identity (Self/Gender/What-have-you)." Any actual fear I have is along the lines of Isha's... That I might be thought disingenuous, insincere, dishonest, or a "bad actor" (and I think the last is the worst sin of all; if you're gonna lie, then at least bloody well do it with style!) Right now I'm not sure if I'm lying about being a boy, or lying about wanting to be a girl, or some other third option I'm currently unaware of. Not knowing what is "true" or "real" prompts near daily contemplation of ending it all. I'm in therapy, I'm on antidepressants, but I have absolutely no fear of being separated from U.S. Active Duty Military service for my choices PROVIDED I resolve my Identity (self/gender/what-have-you) issues before I am asked not to stay. I need me more than I need them...
Bumping into the "prove yourself" limitations has generated all new fears though... access removal! I really should have "lurked" far more than I did prior to joining. I may not have much RLE, but I am on one helluva ride, and if nothing else I can serve as a bad example. I just hope I get to share most of it with the wonderful folks here as well as the "lurkers in the deep".
“Anybody can look at a pretty girl and see a pretty girl. An artist can look at a pretty girl and see the old woman she will become. A better artist can look at an old woman and see the pretty girl that she used to be. But a [master] artist [...] can look at an old woman, portray her exactly as she is...and force the viewer to see the pretty girl she used to be...and more than that, he can make anyone [...] see that this lovely young girl is still alive, not old and ugly at all, but simply prisoned inside her ruined body. [...] Look at her, [... growing] old doesn't matter to you and me; we were never meant to be admired - but it does to them.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
I really didn't hesitate joining, it was a relief to find so many supportive individuals and hope that I can contribute in some small way. Hugs Jaymee
I enjoy being a boy, being a GIRL like me!!!
I think my fear was that it would be less personal than a chat room is. And less immediate.
So far, I'm finding that reading the posts here are a good deal more in-depth, and thoughtful and thought-provoking than a chat room.
As for 'less personal', I suppose that has more to do with how much time I spend here and who and how I get to know people.
I do believe chat rooms have their place. But perhaps I'm growing beyond a certain superficiality that chatrooms provide.
The forum approach IS less immediate. Still true.
Theresa,
I did lurk for about a year. I was afraid (irrationally) to be outed. I would say the main reason for this fear was that I felt strange sharing in a public forum, something that is so private for me. I also think that my personal experiences are fairly typical and I don't think that I can add much value over other, more comfortable cross dressers. It does feel good to know that I am not alone. I have read some really great advice on our site. I am thankful for this site and to all who share.
This is a thought provoking question , that has taken me a couple of days to work out my answer.
I feel my biggest fear about joining the the forum, was, I would have to finally admit to myself that I was a cross dresser.
And I didn't feel I was ready, until the day I pressed the submit button.
I'm glad I did take that plunge and did join because I have meet some wonderful people here who have helped me understand myself a whole lot better,
Thank you ladies
well, back in 2005 when i joined.... i lurked many months before joining. I think i as afraid of joining as it was on the "NEt" and ot understanding... but thought it was public and people might find out about me. Since joining though, ive come to realize....... private it really is, and if someone catches u on a crossdressing site, then u ask, why were they on it in the first place
I am like Adelaide, I had to finally admit to myself that I am a crossdresser.I was in denial for years. I had gotten on this forum at times and perused the forums that a non-member is allowed into. I would read the threads. I was afraid to admit to myself that I have a female side. Then one day I started questioning myself why I do this and I started looking for answers. That brought me here.
This may sound odd but my two main fears were talking about myself and getting answers to all my questions.
I had stopped worrying about being outed and my wife is very supportive.
“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”
― Marie Curie
Timelady
Probably my biggest fears were that, first, I'd be found out. In a conservative area of the country where I live and in a smaller community, that would not be looked upon favorably.
Second, I was concerned about becoming "one of them!" I realize that everyone is in a different stage of crossdressing from the guy who wears panties from time to time all of the way up to those who have transitioned. Somehow, by joining, I was concerned that I was admitting that was in my future.
Finally, There was the concern that I wouldn't fit in because I didn't want to go public. Would I be seen as a fake or not really belonging.
None of those things have materialized...
Lacy PJs
I had been on a couple of other sites that just didn't seem to be very active or meeting my needs, so jumping over here took no effort. My only fear was that someone in my family would get on the family computer and be able to follow the computer bread crumbs and end up on this site. That never happened. I'm more concerned about bleed-over between my Sarah Facebook account and my Dave account, but I think I've managed to create proper distance and walls between them. There have been several others who posted that if someone from their work or social life mentioned seeing them on this site, they would have had to work to get here and should be accepting.
Sarah
Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
This! I was in denial about it...
I'm also in the camp of was nervous about being outed but this thought helped me get over the fear. Every now and then I still have to remind myself of it.
My fear is that I will begin to get more comfortable about crossdressing ........ I know some of you will scoff at that reason ....... I don't see it as a hobby ...... I think somewhere in the back of my mind , I would like to live as a woman ...... I love the clothes , etc ......
Maybe I'm a woman inside in some ways .......
Joining this forum has been somewhat enlightening ...... I guess I must be finally ready to talk about it ...... WITH STRANGERS ..... lol
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