What were your fears about joining the forum ?

[Teresa]

I often see other members say they lurked for a long time, so what were your fears about joining or contributing on the forum ?
When I look back I felt that other members would think I was a fraud, many of the threads suggested very confident CDers totally out enjoying shopping and nights out. I also remember being very hesitant about hitting the join button and accepting a name, not only to me but to thousands of other people !
I think the true value of the forum hit me when I was writing my intro, I had no intentions of being so explicit but it all just kept flowing out, so many years of total isolation and desperation I remember tears rolling down my cheeks by the time I'd finished !
When I read the replies I knew I need have no fears, I'd come to the right place with the help on offer ! The bonus is far from being a fraud some of my experiences have given me an insight to help others, no we're not professional counsellors but many of us have lived a lifetime with CDing so there is some value in what we have to say .

The other question some ask is has the forum made you any worse ? I personally think it's made me stronger, facing up to it and realising it's something you can do nothing about, perhaps being born like it makes you totally accept it . The shame and guilt finally leaves you and you can honestly say this is me, I have a need to CD I don't mean any harm, please accept it as part of my identity .

[I Am Paula]

I think some novice CDers feel they have to set boundereys, and joining a forum is progressing their hobby.

[Launa]

I had no fears about joining I looked at the site and after 20 mins I started signing up. Its all been a good road from then on nothing has really made me any worse for it. I started from the closet and now I'm out and about at public events every 2 weeks or so and that's thanks to a lot of folks on this site giving me advice on how to do it. Its still not enough though!

Maybe the only fear I had is the CD police showing up at my door and charging me.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I was on another forum that closed overnight and went looking for other avenues. I found this sight and joined immediately. I couldn't wait to get the necessary posts to open up all the avenues the site has to offer! Now I'm shooting for 1000 posts!

I agree with Paula's comment that some of the "new" cross-dressers may feel that this is expanding the boundaries they've set for what ever reason. Also, this may be the first time they've ever mentioned their cross-dressing to another person. Even though there is Anonymity in doing this it is still a leap for faith.

Yes, it is possible to be intimidated by the sight of some of the more out and open members flying pretty to far away destinations and enjoying life as the gender of their choice. For somebody who is still struggling with these issues and has some ill fitting clothes from Good Will or castoffs it can raise the fears of rejection in their own minds.

Lastly, some of the members on this form can be "Extremely" cutting in their remarks about the simplest comment or question. At times it seems as if there is some checklist or test that has to be passed to be considered "worthy" to comment. If so, I haven't seen it and never want to. I'm old and crusty enough not to care. For a newby this can be all it takes to keep them silent.

Just my 2 cents worth.

[reb.femme]

I read a couple of times and then joined, as I can best remember anyway. I think my only reservation was that I could be recognised by someone I knew, but these days I practically hope that I am. This site has definitely helped me develop from newbie to experienced CDer and wishing that I could practice my craft on a more regular basis .

That said, here I am on the settee, fully dressed with make-up, with my wife sat opposite, replying to a forum post. Which reminds me, I need to put the kettle on and re-apply my lipstick, which is all over a glass right now .

Rebecca

[Amanda M]

I don't think I had any fears. As for being recognized by someone I know my only answer would be "What were you doing on a CD site anyway?"

[JennykBailey]

I waited a while to get a gauge of how this community works. Some forums can be a bit clique, and unwelcoming. I'm please to say this one isn't like that at all as far as I have experienced. I think the idea of insisting on making a few contributions to the forum before you are considered a member is a good one, if a little frustrating. I prefer forums to chat, as you can be more considered in your responses, and can take time to process other peoples posts. This site is very well supported, and there are lots of interesting, and informative threads to read, and contribute to.

[Bobbi46]

I had absolutely no fear in joining I felt that it was the right thing to do to be able to express my thoughts in an unencumbered way but also being a newbie I soon realised that here there was a wealth of information out there to help me on my way.

[Adriana Moretti]

I had no fear joining here at all....its just a forum,and you can fly under the radar...but I can see why people would be hesitant....its more about accepting the fact yourself that you ARE a crossdresser, rather than joing a simple forum...maybe joining is one small step towards acceptance for some. Self Acceptance goes a long way. xoxo

[ErikaS]

I was looking for a site where I can help me understand and affirm I am not alone I now know there is a big world and we are making it a better world. I wish to answer some questions but most i now understand who I am and with this site and you wonderful girls it will all be better. Not hiding in the closet is making it better.

Erika

[Stephanie47]

I had no fear of joining. I did "lurk" to see what the forum was all about. I do like the fact this forum is self policing. One of the things I do not like about the comments made on general news sites is the totally inane and stupid comments made on anything and everything. Here, it seems everyone is a cross dresser, or, even if there is a researcher pretending to be one at least it is done with decorum and class. Originally I did have some apprehension about posting too many tidbits here and there so a person could identify me.

Is there a site that has had a bigger impact on me as a cross dresser? Yes. It is eBay. Without eBay I'd probably be the equivalent of naked. Between this site and eBay, I've really been able to express myself in all aspects of cross dressing.

[Tracii G]

I didn't have a fear of joining once I figured it was not one of those porn-ish cd sites.
Posting a pic was a bit nerve wracking at first.
This site has really helped me and I thank everyone here.

[Natalie cupcake]

I think for me joining made me a stronger person as well. It has made me more confident in who I am. Coming to this site and meeting other girls talking to them doesn't make me feel alone in the world. Knowing there are other who are like me and want to talk, listen, and help each other be the best we can be makes me feel so happy to be here. I never had any fear of joining the site. I joined and never looked back.

[sometimes_miss]

My only fear was, that this forum is public. If anyone wants to come here and read, they can. So if I made enough references to who I am or what I do, that I would be outed. So far, so good. Nobody coming a knocking on my door asking if I misplaced my panties.

[Michelle 78]

My main fear of joining was been recognized as it is a public forum, but if this forum wasn't public I'd have never have joined as I couldn't have lurked for a while and checked it out!! As Tracii said this site is just about the only one that is not a porn site as everywhere else seems to be, if that was the case I wouldn't be here at all. I think this site is awesome as we are all in the same boat and help each other along, joining here was scary at first but I soon found out that we are all here to help each other and share our experiences. Thanks everybody here on cd.com

[Sarah-RT]

I joined when I was a teen looking for advice on presenting better but I disappeared and didnt come back for a long time.
I only a few months ago added my first profile picture and my big big big fear was someone would see me, Ive now gotten to the place where if someone asked I would tell them, within reason of who the person was.
I have only the forum to thank for getting me to how I am now, and my fantastic friends and family that will help give me experiences to share for other members not as open as they would like, but hope to be

Sarah x

[flatlander_48]

It didn't bother me at all to join. I think I may have lurked for all of a day and that was it. I think my only concern was being able to admit how things sat for me and explaining what I thought and felt. The relative security didn't bother me. In fact I have the same username on all the forums that I frequent; the vast majority of which predate my involvement here by many years and cover LGBT issues, motorsports and cycling.

I believe that it is important for us to share our respective journeys. This is very definitely the Road Less Taken and because it is what it is, we probably keep much to ourselves. But, because we come from many places around the globe, whether we started early or late, whether we only dress at home occasionally or are post-op transsexuals, we all have things to share about our transformation as people and the concept of gender. It gives me great pleasure to be among those who are doing what they can to move forward in spite of the reality before them. While I think the word "inspirational" is often inappropriate, I would say that a number of things I've read here remind me of how human we are and how strong the desire to be ourselves can be. It is a good lesson for us all...

DeeAnn

[CynthiaD]

I had no fears whatsoever in joining. The minute I started reading I thought "Wow! Here's a bunch of people who 'get it!' " I couldn't wait to get approved so I could start posting.

[Kandi Robbins]

I had no fear of joining the forum, I had the fear of accepting who I am. Since I spent years denying that I am a CD, joining never crossed my mind. Once I accepted myself and told my wife, I created Kandi and signed right up! That was the best CD thing I ever did.

[Kate Simmons]

I didn't have any. I joined about five minutes after I learned about it.

[kimdl93]

If I had any concern, it was that somehow I might not fit in. It didn't take long to realize that this is a diverse. Group.

[pamela7]

i had no fears about joining as such but like most people I chose anonymity and created a new email account in order to reduce the likelihood of exposure by other people i'd prefer to not know.

[Yoshisaur]

One of my primary fears when joining the forum was that I would get found out by someone I know, but after I while I sort of realized that if someone found me on hear would probably share the same interest as me and it wouldn't be that bad. I think it was also a really scary thing when I made my intro because it was the first time I shared this secret with anyone. After reading the replies though it made me feel a lot better about it and I slowly became more comfortable with sharing things on here.

[Beverley Sims]

Just like going out of the house for the first time.
You have to overcome that fear of exposure.
I have improved other skills since being here.

[Marcelle]

Hi Teresa,

When I hit the "join" button, I really did not have any fears because I was at point where I was so freaked out by my self discovery that I was looking for answers (this is pre-therapy). However once I got settled, my biggest fear was that someone would recognize me and confront me at work. Then I realized that if they did the conversation might go something like this:

Person at work: Hey dude, I saw a post on a CD website and given the discussion, I am sure it is you.

Me: Hmm, you don't say. What were you doing on a CD website?

Person at work: Ummmm . . . Hah, just kidding . . . want to go get a coffee and talk about football, trucks or anything manly.

Hugs

Isha