Can't get over the fear
There I was sitting in the parking lot of the mall. The opportunity to buy a well known cosmetics company's gender neutral products but with them came bonus gifts of lipstick, eyeshadow, mascara, etc. and a 10 day supply of foundation. But I couldn t bring myself to approach the counter. What a prison fear creates. So disappointed in myself.
Alice
Last edited by Alice K; 05-24-2015 at 01:56 PM.
Don't be disappointed! You had a victory in that you made it farther than you did last week or last month. Today the store was conquered. Next week or so the make up counter awaits. Don't beat yourself up. You are loved and beautiful !
Hugs and Kisses
Chris
Alice,
It has happened to most everyone here at least once I am guessing (most likely), I cannot tell from reading your post if you were dressed up or in guy mode sitting in the mall lot.
If you were dressed and this happened, you may want to start out with a smaller activity like just a walk down a sidewalk down town to get comfortable.
There will be another promotional offer for makeup I am certain, so don't beat your self up too bad over missing the deal today.
Just take smaller steps until you get more comfortable, then go make that purchase with confidence of Alice.
Alice, fear will stop you every time you let it. Until you prove to yourself that nothing is life and death here, nothing but your own fears are holding you back! Think about it, you're just going in to buy a product from a vendor. Do you freeze up when you go in to buy bread? No! So keep trying my friend, it's time for you to control your fears and start having some fun.
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!
Alice, most of us have been where you are. The first time was the hardest for me. Then I thought about all of the other difficult things I've do on in life,and shopping paled in comparison. The rest is history,although there are times when it just doesn't feel right, I just go home and try it another time. Good luck !
I've known the fear, too. I overcame it over time and go out from time to time now with little fear, if any. A key for me was self-acceptance. You will get there in your own time. Don't be too hard on yourself in the meantime.
I was in drab and could have even lied that it was for the wife....which proves fear is all in your head. But thanks for the en'courage'ment.
Alice. I get it. Sometimes I can go for it and sometimes not. It depends on how crowded it is and how far from home I am. And if their are families with noisy children. The crowd has a big influence. Try early mornings, you may feel more comfortable.
Don't be hard on yourself. I've been there before - it is paralyzing. It can be frustrating, to be sure, but it takes one step at a time. One can focus on these steps as things to look forward to, because in the end, you look back fondly at them as milestones achieved - and each time it was such a thrill!
Don't be so hard on yourself. You tried! Keep trying and one day you will just walk in and buy what you want and not think a thing of it.
Don't worry we have all been there, a year or less from now you will laugh at yourself. The fact is the counter staff don't give two hoots and just like to make a sale.
A K:
Tell us about your fears. Please be as specific as you can. Sometimes it is helpful to describe our fears and how they make us feel.
DeeAnn
Alice I am at your same state with makeup.
I will follow the valuable advices.
I already have purchased clothing at some stores. I will use those small successes to help me when buying makeup.
Call me the Honey Badger, I just don't give a s#*%!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg
(The most bizarre...but oh-so applicable...motivational video!)
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
Every Journey begins with a small step
I get weekend passes from the prison of fear, its hard to get out there but when you do its all for the better!
Sarah x
♫I cant stand to fly, I'm not that naive. I'm just out to find the better part of me. I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane, I'm more than some pretty face beside a train. Its not easy to be me.♫
Men buy "presents" for their partners all the time, so its not as if you're even "outing" yourself when shopping for anything female.
If you want a way to clear the fear FM me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.
thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er
To describe the fear. I know it is simple enough. Walk in buy moisturizer or facial soap. The free bag - no problem.
Me: "Thank you. My wife will love this. Oh and the foundation."
Me- "I need to match the area around my eyes because the mottled look around my face is what I am trying to balance out.
Sales clerk - "but why would a gentleman need foundation?
Three other sales clerks standing by: " snicker, snicker, ha, ha.
Hope that was descriptive of the fear. Maybe as mentioned earlier the issue is self-acceptance.
You'll get there eventually. For me, it's been slow getting over the fear but I still have the drive to get over it which I'm assuming you have as well. Think of it as a step closer to being where you want to be. <3
No, that's the scenario. Describe your feelings. Are you sick or worried or angry or what? What is happening for you inside? What do you see? What do you think about? I think it is very hard to face up to a fear if you don't get a handle on what's happening for you.Originally Posted by Alice K
I understand that the issue is self-acceptance, but you can accept yourself in your living room. Evidently there is something in the scenario you describe that hits a nerve...
DeeAnn
I know it's hard to believe, but shopping in a female specific store, even in guy mode, is so much easier than in a store that caters to both.
They want your money, they'll treat you well.
Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.
It's kinda scary at first, but trust me. It gets a lot easier quickly. Just keep at it.
I have been in many situations like this before and it has always worked out like this:
Sales Clerk - sir the things you have bought are great. Your wife will love them as I can tell you that I use them on myself everyday.
Me - actually I want to use them and they are for me. I'm transgendered and don't always look like this if you know what I mean.
Sales Clerk - no problem if that's the case you should maybe try this too.....
Me - Thank you I need all the help I can get having a male face has other challenges. If you can think of anything else that could help let me know.
Sales Clerk - calls over some friends and explains the situation and before I know it I have lots of help.
Sales Clerk - when are you going out next and where? You should stop by sometime when your made up and we can help you out even more. Or stop by and show us some pictures! Have a nice day.
I can tell you I have had more experiences like this than you can imagine. Most of the young sales clerks that are women are gung ho to help us out. Usually to them it seem kind of fun. Or different from their normal activities.
You'll see!
Launa
I think the problem is that you have preconceived notions about what people are like. My husband has bought make up en femme and in DRAB, and never once have the sales people been rude. If anything, they have been more kind and generous with him than they are with me. Go in the store and try it. You will not die. You might just be a little uncomfortable.
You can do it! ��
Great advise from all. Take it in. That is what I have always done. There was a purchase I have been wanting to make for years but never did for fear. I even thought about trying to talk the wife into getting it for me but I knew she would want to be reasonable and state I had no need for the item. I knew that, but the want was great. The funny thing is I eventually made the purchase in a local store in my own community during peak business hours and didn't make an excuse or anything, just purchased what I wanted! And I love it! As many say, just own it!
Genny B
Dani (Genny before Transition)
All Girl!
Fear is being seen by someone , I was at the mall , in front of one cosmetic stores they had couple chair and these two young girls were doing eye makeup demonstrations for free . I walk by very slowly ,looking over everything when one of the posters caught my eye. It was a purple blue glitter shadow with black outline and it tailed of the corner of the eye . I went over to it and looked at every detail to see if I could do it by myself , when one of the girls walked up. I did not see her ,but when she said I like that color too , I froze, my heart raced ,I looked around to see who she was talking to and realized it was me. She then went on and asked me if I would like to have it done. I could not talk , I just stood there, seemed like an eternity, and some how the words left my mouth " I can? " and the girl said sure sit. I walked away ,, I do not know why but I walked away . For the next few visit to the mall I avoided that area . The eye haunts me , I have tried to create it on myself but I look like an alien shot me. I so wanted to sit ,,but I guess the fear was to great.
Trinty
