Normally I don't dress by myself at home, but tonight I thought I would try some new makeup techniques and take pictures in different outfits. After spending about 4 hours doing this, I looked at the pictures and don't like what I see. I have an idea in my mind of how I feel and how I would like to look, but the reality is very depressing. I'm suddenly really down, which isn't a good thing, since I have bipolar disorder. The medication that I take keeps me pretty even, but I haven't felt this down in quite a while, which in my case can be dangerous. I want to pick apart every facial feature, bone structure and bit of belly fat. The reality of my male body does not match what is inside. My makeup skills can be hit or miss, and tonight was a miss. My problem there is that I'm lazy and don't practice enough. I have a ton of makeup, shoes and clothes that will arrive in the mail soon, and I really want to go out dressed soon, but I don't know if I have the confidence right now. My initial thought is to give up, but I know that I will never be happy unless I express this side of me.
Surely some of you have gone through this. Any words of wisdom and/or encouragement?