...that Moment You Realize Hiding is No Longer an Option

[renaej7]

One of my favorite movies is Flight. I'm sure some of you may have seen it, with Denzel Washington. My favorite scene in that moving is his emotional speech at the end and he proclaims, "I could not tell one more lie as if I had met my lifelong limit of lies". Wow. That is how I feel. It is hell trying to keep up with two people. I just want to be happy PERIOD. Sick of hiding behind this mask. I am who I am. Accept me or throw the peace sign. I'm done hiding.

Just a vent.

[Andrea_cd]

I reached that point 5yrs ago I was miserable and depressed so I sat down with my wife and let it all out , today we are happy and she has come to terms with Andrea , but yes everyone has the breaking point , not a nice place to be

[Dana44]

I reached the same point and I was almost at the end of the rope. I went and sat down with my SO and told her. I then showed her my clothes the next day. It was a bit of a rough start and showed her this site. Now we go out to movies and dinner as two gals. It was worth the effort of not hiding.

[Nikki A.]

It's tough hiding and the lies, but sometimes that may be the only option. I feel your anguish and sometimes I feel the same way,but I tell those that I have to and those that don't need to know, tough.

[melanie206]

I don't yet regard my occasional spells of optimism as illusions but yes it can be hell. Like lies, I think a lot of toxic things have lifetime limits. Some people get more "credits" than others but when they're gone they're gone.

[Rachel1225]

I'm struggling every day my prayers are wtth you

[Teresa]

Renae,
Yes I've also tried to get passed all the ridiculous hiding with the associated lies and deceit, I told my wife if we didn't start talking now we would have nothing left, she allowed me to get it all out in the open but it turned out to be bad timing with some other things that came up so she ended up in a heap ! She has since pulled herself through it but now realises what I've been trying to say but accepts to a certain point some days and then gives me a verbal roasting on others ! I still don't know where the goalposts are because they move from one day to the next . I honestly don't want to hurt her so I'm afraid I'm working round her, CDing is part of my life that has needs and I can't hide them any more .

[Kandi Robbins]

I had that moment last October. For me, CDing all of my life, it was not at all something I enjoyed. It was more of compulsion. Then it literally hit me like a bolt of lightning. I am a crossdresser! All the guilt and self-loathing associated with CDing, fell away and I truly became happy. I knew who I am and was good with it! But the moment I realized I could not longer hide was the month it took me to muster the courage to tell my wife. I know we all deal with this in different ways, it means different things to each of us, we have varying issues and I am no different. My children do not know (and I hope never do). I fear losing the many lifelong friendships and relationships I have worked hard to build and maintain. So in many ways, I am still in hiding, in many other ways I am completely out there, living my life, being ME! Some days it's a clear as a bell and others it's as clear as mud. Being new to completely presenting as female on occasion, I know there is a long road ahead of me and with the help of many girls I have been lucky to meet and many here who support me, I know I can continue to be happy.

[renaej7]

thanks everyone for the replies. it was much appreciated knowing I'm not alone.

[kimdl93]

I wonder how many people live lives of quiet desperation, as Thoreau described it. Most of us here have known that sense of quietly and long denying the existence of a deeply meaningful part of ourselves. Can there be a greater despair than that essential part is offensive to those you love and respect? A lucky few come to know the elation and enduring happiness of being true, honest and open to oneself and the world.

[JamieTG]

When we keep our authentic selves bottled up for years, it causes great inner turmoil and stress. At some point it has to come out and be expressed so we can be at peace and be happy. I've always wanted to be liked and accepted by everybody so it took many years to build up the courage to come out. I had to realize that not everybody is going to like or accept me no matter what I do, so why not express myself.

[Jorja]

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I had finally come to the end of my military enlistment which was a foolish thing to do to begin with. You know, One last effort to prove or disprove that I was a man. That was quickly disproved and I still had 3 years and 364 days to go.

Finally, the day arrived. I went in to the ship as required. I said my goodbys. I went back to my home and stripped out of my male gear. From that moment on Jorja was released and I never again associated any part of myself as being a male.

Sometimes a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

[CynthiaD]

Yeah! I did the "deep dark secret" thing for way too long. Then one day, several years ago, I got fed up with it. I've been pretty much out ever since, and I've never been happier.

[Jenniferpl]

It really was not hiding but more admitting to myself that I was a crossdresser possibly more. Just one step in the long journey or maybe just a bump on the road.

[Angie G]

I got there in 2006. me wife welcomed Angie into ous house and even buys surprise thing for me. Saying I thought you would like this.But that's as far out as I'm going, [I]'m happy where I'm at.
Angie

[Barbara Black]

I'm not really at that point of no hiding at all, but on occasion, I say the hell with it (like tonight), and just go out dressed just as though I was at home. Tonight I refused to put on my pants or a shirt and drove out in feminine clothes, with only my wallet and keys in the car. My little titties stood out just like they are supposed to and I had nowhere to hide them.

[Heather_Shirly]

Good for you girl!

What an inspiration to us all!!!!!!

Hugs honey!