How to come out

[Maxi]

After getting caught, I figured if I fill the others close to me, in about it, I won't have to worry about the grape vine.
In the past week and a half I have come out to friends, family, coworkers, and my boss also a couple of my customers.
I bought a bumper sticker that reads " When Life's a Drag Dress Accordingly".
I need to wash the van first before I put it on.
Everybody has been so cool about it. I just showed them a picture of me dressed, and said it's my new hobby.
Today was fun, because of the Caitlyn bit. I just told them I had Wheaties for breakfast, and look what happened.

Why do we worry so much about it? When you are confident, and present it to them, there does not seem to be a problem.

Her are the pictures I have been showing.

[LexiMay]

Great news, I'm happy it was accepted so widely for you I bet it's a fantastic feeling being open!

You look great!

Lexi x

[Rachelakld]

On the morning news today at the office, an article on CJ.
The "tough" males were less than understanding.
I really wanted to point out that most of us overcompensated when we were younger, got a lot of fight training, and served in the military, and if they want to try to prove how manly they were, I'll happily take them on.
Instead I pointed out how good our TS member of parliament, and later Mayoress was.

[Jean 103]

Good for you, it is easier when you no longer have to hide. I too have told my boss and a coworker, along as a few others. I just use my phone and show my profile pic. When I’m out and talking to people if they ask about where I work I tell them. I have had some funny questions, like how do work with those nails, do you wear gloves. I wear press-on fake nails.

[charlenesomeone]

Very happy for you, hope the good continues and you keep the great attitude you have.
You look wonderful, keep smiling.

[Claire Cook]

Maxi,

This is wonderful and you are so right ... coming out can take care of so much of our anxiety. Yes, you do look confident and at ease.
(Now I need to follow more of your advice ....)

Thanks and hugs,

Claire

[Karen RHT]

About spit my coffee all over my keyboard when I read your "had Wheaties for breakfast and look what happened" line. Glad to hear you didn't get any negative reactions from those you told. Hope it continues to go well for you Maxi.


Karen

[Jennifer_Ph]

"I had Wheaties for breakfast, and look what happened." That is awesome! Consider it stolen.

[Krisi]

Just remember, when you "come out", you can't go back in again. You are out forever. Think long and hard about it before you do it.

[Suzie Petersen]

Maxi: Why do we worry so much about it? When you are confident, and present it to them, there does not seem to be a problem.

It depends, doesn't it!

For me personally, the best reason not to tell anyone is that it will forever change they way they think of you! Nomatter if people say "Thats OK, I can live with that" they will from now on think of you differently.

Call it a personality flaw, but I am very sensitive to what people think of me! I want people to like me, I want them to respect me, I want them to feel they can trust me and I want them to feel comfortable around me. If someone is mad at me for whatever reason, fair or not, it makes me very uncomfortable and will make me loose sleep for days.
I often hear people say they dont give a Rats A.. what others think of them! Not me! Other peoples reaction to me, what I do, and what I say, can make or break my day. I cannot disregard it.

I am not your classic neanderthal knuckle dragging cigar smoking loud a..hole guy! I am nice to people, look out for others, try and help anywhere I can. Considerate and pleasant .. well most of the time anyway. I think for some of the opposite category male's, Not Caring is probably easier!

I am also one of the males with stereotypical male interests and hobbies. I am X-military, a shooter, hunter, woodworker, car builder, camper, blah, blah, blah. And I like it! I like that people respect that I can do anything. I can also hem a dress, knit a sweater and cook a fancy meal, but some of those skills I have learned to keep to myself because they will get that strange smirk out of some of the other guys! "You made that dress for your wife!! Hmmm ... maybe we should be leaving now!!". So, I just dont talk about those skills because I dont want them to even for a brief moment have negative thoughts about me.

So why do I not tell anyone that I enjoy embracing the female role and dress code? Because I dont want a single person changing their perception of who I am! I dont want them to laugh at me, or even the thought that they might laugh when they talk among themselves.

I mentioned in a post some time ago how I "came out" to my doctor and to my pastor many years ago. Both of them definitely changed the way they think of me and I had to realize that the relationship we had before, was now gone. It changed everything!
Yes, it is possible some of that was me changing my side of the relationship, but that is bad enough. Even if those around me stayed the same, and I change because I think they feel different about me, the result is the same, the relationship changed and might be completely gone.

So no, I am not telling anyone again. Not until the time where I feel that this is so normal that it doesnt matter at all. People would react to this the same way they would if you told them you have started running to get some exercise or something like that.
In other words, not in my lifetime!

In some respect, I envy those who are able to not care what others think, but on the other hand, sensitivity to what others think is really what I am wishing for from everybody else!

- Suzie

[sabrinaedwards]

Suzie, I agree with you soooo much. Yes, I do care what others think of me.
Love, Sabrina

[LaurenNZ]

Suzi, you have put into words my personal thoughts exactly. Very thoughtful and well written.To me its about 'self-esteem'. However, while I share (and live) your philosophy, I also have great admiration for those who choose to come out and have the confidence to confide in others.

[sometimes_miss]

Why do we worry so much about it? When you are confident, and present it to them, there does not seem to be a problem.

Because, Maxi, yours is not the universal experience when a crossdresser comes out. I'm glad your coming out went well, I really am, because it breaks my heart every time I read about another person's life going to hell in a handbasket when they come out or are discovered. I only wish mine had been the same happy experience as yours. I've already gotten an email from a relative who knows I'm a crossdresser (first one in more than 15 years that said anything more personal than happy birthday or merry christmas), asking if I intended to transition like Bruce (they obviously refuse her request to be referred to as Caitlyn) Jenner did. The response? I wrote a very long, detailed letter explaining all the differences (again, we went through this all 17 years ago when I came out to her) then she replied with this, and only this: "Oh. OK. I though you were one of those, though." That was it. Not a single thing more at the bottom of the email.

That's it. Maxi, not everyone is enlightened, and I'm guessing they don't want to be. There are still a lot of people in this world that prefer to pretend that we don't exist.

[Marcelle]

Hi Maxi,

Congrats on moving forward in the manner which suits you and your life. It is never hard to come out to friends, family, coworkers and whomever because, we never truly know how it is going to go. It went well and I am glad for you . . . YAY!

As to why others do not come out, I truly believe it depends on each person and where they are in their lives. For some, it is a personal experience which the wish never to share with others and that is how they prefer it. With others they prefer to remain in the shadows as they do not want their dressing to overshadow their lives and with others they are at a point where they are prepared to deal with what coming out entails, good or bad. I am out completely to the world writ large but that is my choice and as others have said, that bell can never be silenced as people will always look at me whether I am in guy or girl mode and think . . . hmm that guy dresses like a girl, what's that all about?

Again . . . CONGRATS on moving forward.

Hugs

Isha

[Maxi]

I understand everybody is different. I am a strong type A personality. Been with the same company for over 28 years. In management over 20 years. I am the out of the box thinker that everybody comes to for ideas. Always willing to jump in and help coworkers, even if it is not my department. In my spare I do free firewood for anybody that needs it. I'll remove your tree at no charge to get the wood.
I feel I have done a lot to help others, and live by the pay it forward theory. Always willing to give, and never ask for anything in return.

I have been the macho guy all my life. I was supposed to die December 31, 2013. Heart surgery saved my life. I feel I have earned the right to be who I am.

As for Suzie's comment about people will look at you differently. The only change I have seen at work is the women are nicer and more talkative with me. The men haven't changed. Not quite sure if being confident in showing your softer side is more attractive to women or not, but it sure seems that way.

I like the fact the door is open, and I don't have to worry about getting caught, or hiding it.

I told the wife I think I am about ready to go out in public, we are working on an idea of where to go for my first time out.

Life is getting interesting.

[Brandy Mathews]

I wish I had the money the CJ has, I could look that pretty too. I think she looks very nice. And good for her!
Hugs,
Bree

[LucyNewport]

Maxi, I think the way you handled this is just great! You took the initiative and turned a possibly difficult situation into something beneficial. (I'd guess that you are an awesome manager!) Once you realize that there is nothing to be ashamed of, the shame and fear do melt away. Will people look at you differently? Maybe, maybe not. Does it matter? The way I see it, anyone who would hold something like this against me I wouldn't want as a friend to begin with. Life is too short to spend it with small minded people.

[Alice Torn]

I can see Maxi's point of view, and also Suzie's. I know that i cannot come out to neighbor;s , family, church friends, locals who know me. I am a personality type that is paranoid, of what other's think, most of the time. My family of origin would torture me, even more than they already do!! Those who are not bothered by telling friends and family, and workmates, have a bit more bravado than i do, though i have been out in public about 12 times in my life, around strangers.

[Suzie Petersen]

Maxi: I like the fact the door is open, and I don't have to worry about getting caught, or hiding it.

I totally see that and I commend you for taking the step to achieve that. Frankly I wish I had the guts!

I am also a manager, a business owner, live by the Pay It Forward principles, pick up trash on the sidewalk when I see it, put things back on the shelf in the supermarket when someone knocked it down etc. Not to be awarded or recognized, but because everybody should be doing such things. My children do too.

Isha: It is never hard to come out to friends, family, coworkers and whomever ....

I would respectfully disagree Isha, just based on so many stories here of people struggling with that, but I am guessing this was not what you intended to say?!?!?!

Maxi: The only change I have seen at work is the women are nicer and more talkative with me. The men haven't changed.

That is wonderful, but .. it has also only been a few weeks, if I understood your first post right.
Maybe you are one of the rare managers who are respected and loved by absolutely everybody around and beneath you. We dont all have that luxury as sometimes unpopular decisions have to be made and that's when the ugly side of employees and colleagues tend to come out.

Maxi: I told the wife I think I am about ready to go out in public

I find it curious that you have taken the step to tell people, before having been out and about! I guess there is more to the story, you mentioned having been caught, so maybe that triggered things in a different way.
I was out in the world quite a bit, attending some of the conferences, going out on my own doing just ordinary things when on travel around the world, meeting with T friends both locally and, again, around the world and even having a few friends who only knew me as a female. Dont even think they knew. (it was an older couple).

My wife knew all along. Told her 2 weeks after we started dating. But, I never had any desire to tell friends, colleagues or family, for all the reasons I mentioned earlier.
Sure, I wish it was a non-issue and something people could be expected to just accept, but we are still pretty far from that point. In some of the countries I travel to, I would likely be stoned to death if caught in Suzie mode, in others I would definitely go to prison. Maybe that is part of my subconscious reasons for being very careful about who knows about this.

Finally, I have to say that I think a large part of the reason I am so very reluctant to tell people, is that frankly, I think my desire to dress and act like a female sometimes, is really odd! I cant explain it to myself and certainly not to others and I really struggle with it inside. So how can I expect others to accept something which I myself find to be downright weird!

I do think people like yourself, Isha, Pamela and others who are less concerned about what others think and who are willing to risk the potential consequences, are helping the rest of us by your actions. I believe the general public will slowly get to a point of first tolerance and later acceptance, because they, to a degree, get desensitized to the matter due to persistent exposure and that they eventually just dont care anymore. I think that is coming, but I do think it is a log way off yet.

- Suzie

[Maxi]

I have been trying to figure out why everything has gone so smoothly for me. I think I might have paved the way a couple of years ago when I signed up for the LGBT committee which was never formed. We were bought out shortly after that. I do remember seeing it mentioned in my file as we were transitioning. I have got to wonder if that played a part.

[Nadya]

Yay! I'm so happy for you! You look great. Coming out to people is not as easy for everyone. Sometimes family can be an issue. Not everyone is willing to accept this type of thing. I hope to someday be out to most people but I think that's still a bit of the way off from where I am now. Good luck!

[Maxi]

And for anyone I missed telling....

This should cover it.

0606151751.jpg

A little follow up. Letting the neighbors know solved the anxiety issues of what if I get caught. Now that I have been free to come and go, I have been out twice. I feel like I am free now. Being dressed in public, and having everybody be so nice it like a dream come true. Life is great.