As a crossdresser, do you feel left out of all of the trans publicity right now?

[Tiffany Jane]

First of all, my wife is the only one who knows about my sensuality. She recorded the Bruce Jenner interview, watched it, and after I watched it, we had an open discussion about the activities, thoughts, and future of Tiffany. All my clothing, shoes, breast forms, etc, are in our bedroom closet. If I get something new, she is the first one to know. She has supported me in the last year and a half, as what seemed to be a passing occasional period, was revealed to be a growing part of my understanding of myself. This topic has allowed her to realize that although it may not be of a normal nature, I am not the only person to be a part of this. There was a lot of educational parts to the show and she loves information to help clarify things she may not understand and I may not be able to fully express.

As for the public, I would like to think I could go in public with shaven legs, painted toes, presenting as my male being, and not have to feel as if everyone is staring me down. Have worked on this over the last year and has gotten better. Would like to not worry about running to put on pants and socks when parents say that they are close by and would like to stop over to visit. Would hope that my son's generation will be tolerant and less likely to tease/mock him over his father's softer side of expression. Only time will tell, but people hate what they don't know or understand. Differences may make a person unique but in the wrong circumstance also leaves a person vulnerable.

To answer the last part of your question, this is an odd journey. No real map, just feeling around in the dark with my soul. Do I feel sometimes I may be stuck in the middle of being a crossdresser, transgender, or transsexual? Yes!

[Princess Chantal]

Nope, I don't feel left out at all!
Swing Batter Swing Batter! I could get a base hit when representing my own crossdressing, but will whiff on representing other people's crossdressing.

And I've been up to bat a few times, those that pinch hit for me doesn't affect or get credit (criticized) for my own stats

[flatlander_48]

Personally, I think the attention will be a net +. I think Bruce's thought process about the transition to Caitlyn was that, given his status for many years as a celebrity, this deal was never going to be quiet. By being open about it, she is in control of the process. Perhaps not total control, but much more so than if she had decided to just let things happen. After all, it's her story and she should be the one to tell it as she see's fit.

DeeAnn

[Rhanda]

I don't feel left out at all. Then again, I don't pay much attention to celebrity/social media happenings. Certainly I wish Caitlyn well, but don't see her story having a dramatic impact on the general public. The haters will still hate, the moderates will swing both ways, those who support will continue to do so.


Karen

I feel that you have nearly hit my concern squarely. The haters will probably intensify their hate. I have seen a lot of violence against minorities during my 87 years in the US. Changes have not come without some tragedy in this country.
Just don't get too encouraged by the recent media attention. It could be dangerous.

Prayers, Rhanda

[Sometimes Steffi]

I see the whole thing as a huge plus. I think it opens a conversation that you get to use to educate the public further. Most of the transsexuals in the news aren't being referred to as transsexual. They're being referred to as transgender and that's great because it gives all the rest of us a chance to say, "Yes, I am transgender, but there is more than one kind of transgender person..." It's also great because the news is also filled with stories about "Gender Identity" issues -- "bathroom bills" and workplace protection laws, etc. And you can bring gender identity into the conversation and they'll have heard of it before.

I agree with you Jennie.

Furthermore, if I'm out and about en femme, I can very easily admit to being transgender, because it's true. No one can look into my brain to determine if I'm TG/TS or TG/CD. I just haven't to decide to transition yet, due to money, job, wife, family, etc.

[jaimesilvertv]

I think its a good question and legitimate one given the tidal wave of attention. But i have to think this will benefit everyone over the long run with education, acceptance, and hopefully kindness. Many of us are on a continuom so there is that assist. There may be some neglect, or unwanted attention or questions triggered by it...but a rising tide lifts all. Great question though

[kimdl93]

I share Laura's perspective. I don't draw bright lines between the occasional Dressers and people like myself who more strongly identify as female, because I suspect that if you scratch deep enough, we have a great deal in common

[carahawkwind]

Anything that increases understanding and acceptance of gender identity issues is positive whether it's directly related to me or not.

[Michelle789]

I am TS who started off thinking that I was a CD. I agree with Paula and Suzanne. This is a starting point, and opens up the doors for changing our understanding of gender.

It is probably easier for most people to try to understand and accept the notion of a person born in man's body who identifies as a woman and seeks correction by transition than to understand and accept men who want to remain as men but want to, or need to, dress like women.

Yes, I agree. Those of us who transition from one gender to the opposite still reinforce the binary. Even Pat Robertson agrees that transitioning from one to the other is ok and it is not a sin to be a TS, which is a huge step forward that the leader of Christian USA is at least on board with TG people who transition and reinforce the binary.

Even in the TG community, there are those of us who don't like CDers and who don't like or understand anyone who doesn't reinforce the binary. It will take a longer time for people to understand and accept crossdressers, genderqueers, gender fluids, bigenders, dual genders, two-spirits, agenders, and any other non-binary identity or expression. However, accepting people who transition from one to the other is a huge step forward and does open the door for conversations, thoughts, and ideas about gender outside the binary.

If someone can change from one to the other, then

Why can't someone go back and forth between male and female identity or presentation?
Why can't someone just be a man who likes women's clothes?
Can someone not have a gender?
Can someone wear both men's and women's clothes simultaneously?

These are just some of the questions people will start asking about gender. I also believe that you, as CDers, need to take action yourself, and start coming out of the closet and wear women's clothes publicly. And explain the difference between a CDer and a TS.

This is cruel, it is awful, and it is highly unfair.

Paula, you raise another good point here. This could actually be it's own separate thread. You mention the word "unfair." We're taught from a very young age that "life's not fair." But that phrase "life's not fair" seems to become an excuse to propagate more unfairness. We seem to justify unfair treatment of others with that phrase "oh well, there's nothing we can do, life's just not fair, isn't it" or "that's life." Sure there are going to be natural unfairnesses built into life that we might not be able to do anything about - some people for example might hate having their birthday on Christmas and we can't change our birthdays. But it seems that most of the unfairness in life is really perpetuated by people. We believe life is not fair. We believe that "that's just the way it is." We don't realize that we can, through our actions, make life less unfair and more fair. We can today, start taking a stand, and changing our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions. We can start acting in a way that is more fair. We can start trying to put ourselves in the other person's shoe, which may be difficult for some of us, but is certainly achievable.

Another problem is that people, when they get screwed, often feel a need to screw others. The abused often become the abuser. We need to stop that practice too. Just because you were discriminated because of being TS does not give you an excuse to discriminate against someone for being a CD. Just because you were discriminated against for being gay does not give you an excuse to discriminate against someone for being TS. Just because you were bullied by someone does not mean you need to bully someone else. This is how we propagate the vicious cycle of abuse, hate, and discrimination. Discrimination and hate is really abuse on a mass level, and abuse is hate and discrimination on an individual level.

"Life's not fair" is just another copout. We should start dropping that belief and realize we can, through our actions we can try to be more fair in the way we treat others, whether on an individual level or a group level.

the lack of support systems for trans people).

Not only is there a lack of support systems for trans people, but there are no such support systems in place for the families of trans people. We have AA for alcoholics, and Al-Anon and Alateen for the spouses and family members of alcoholics. But where is our "Al-Anon" for the families of trans people? Such a group literally does not exist, yet if it did exist, would do a lot for spouses or family members of transgender people. If only my father and brother, or many of our ex-wives, or children could attend such a support group. But how can they attend a support group that doesn't even exist?

[cheryl reeves]

i don't feel left out,im happy for those who transitions in the media...i freaked out a ts trucker once with having her back when she was being made fun of by male truckers,told her in private that i was considered a cd and had a knowledge on what she was going through. to me people are people and let them be til they infringe on mine or someone elses freedom,then i speak up

[CherylFlint]

I suspect a lot more guys would admit to wanting to dress than admit not to, if you get what I mean.
That said, we’re still about the smallest percentage of any group on the planet, but that’s okay, because WE understand it all even if nobody else does.
No, it doesn’t bother me in the least.
Remember, even with all this talk about “enlightened” and other BS, you still have to tread very carefully.
Stay safe.

[Marcelle]

Hi Maya,

To answer your question . . . No, I don't feel left out. While we, the community, understand the nuances of language (trans, transsexual, transgender, cross dresser) well enough (well within reason ), society writ larger is not educated enough on the subject to draw that level of distinction. I am quite public and while I do not like the term cross dresser (I prefer transgender) it might surprise many here that is how a lot of society understands most of us. Yes, the term "transgender" is gaining momentum due to recent media attention on various celebs (Lavern Cox, Caitlyn Jenner) but people still revert to the tried and true wording not because they are facetious, mean, rude but more so because they don't know. As more celebs come out, media focuses on TG rights, and all things TG become more public, it can only lead to greater understanding about the spectrum we live in. Fortunately for us, our TS brothers and sisters are more public and this helps those of us who go out in the light to day to blend and be accepted/tolerated (whichever you choose) and that is a good thing.

However, when I go out in public or go to work "en femme" I am still seen as "like Bruce" but that is where the education piece comes into play.

. . . I really do not think society is ready for a male cross dresser presenting himself as a guy who just happens to like wearing women's clothing.

Hi Stephanie,

I am going to have to disagree with this statement as that is exactly what I do. I am very public with being Transgender and while I am little further toward the TS side of the spectrum, I still love my guy self. I like my guy physiology (like everything where it is nor desire additions) and like to be a guy. However, I also like to be a woman, present as a woman and live as a woman from time to time both privately and publicly. Now most of the Vanilla world when they see me and read me (the kid ain't pretty ) probably assume I am TS and leave me to my devices. However, when I go to work people who know me will ask if I am going to become a woman and when I say "no" there is confusion but after I explain it to them, the confusion wanes and soon the except me for who I am . . . guy at works some days, girl other days.

Hugs

Isha

[CarlaWestin]

I don't exactly feel left out, although, there have been too many moments this week where I was just so tempted to "blow my cover" amid all of the absolutely vile comments made by the haters. My financial existence relies on a precarious balancing act in the realm of diversity and corporate social engineering. To a few trusted people I commented that a very close family member was transgender and that I was biting my tongue constantly as the morons waved their cellphones around, showing all the hater crap on social media. Oh, and I've practically un-friended everyone on AssBook.

[Alice Torn]

I agree with Barbara Jo a lot.

[Jenniferathome]

How can I feel left out of something to which I am not connected? I'm not transexual. I can empathize with the issue in the same way I do with any human rights issue but I don't 'identify' with transexuals.

Regarding the confusion question, no, I do not think transexual issues confuse the public into believing cross dressers are trans. Rather, that is a default assumption along with cross dressers are gay. I believe the general public can accept that transexuals are 'real' whereas cross dressers are completely misunderstood. The normals need to have the 'why" answered for them. For transexuals, the 'why' is clear. For a cross dresser, not so much.

[PaulaQ]

How can I feel left out of something to which I am not connected? I'm not transexual. I can empathize with the issue in the same way I do with any human rights issue but I don't 'identify' with transexuals.

I appreciate how you feel, and for the record, not that it matters, but I don't believe you will ever transition - I think you are "just a CD," too. 'Gratz on dodging a bullet.

I would hope that you would see some intersection between our issues. Jennifer, I went to the capitol of my state to lobby against bills that would have put you in jail for a year for using a women's restroom while en femme. A lot of states tried these bills, and a lot of us who are transitioning fought them hard.

Because you may think it's just an indignity (for people like me, it is a death sentence), but think about it - you aren't a criminal, but people, serious people, are willing to arrest and try CDs for using a public facility, under the assumption that the only reason you are out en femme is to molest women and girls.

That's just wrong, but it's an issue we share in common, because for both of us, gender expression is an issue.

Regarding the confusion question, no, I do not think transexual issues confuse the public into believing cross dressers are trans. Rather, that is a default assumption along with cross dressers are gay. I believe the general public can accept that transexuals are 'real' whereas cross dressers are completely misunderstood. The normals need to have the 'why" answered for them. For transexuals, the 'why' is clear. For a cross dresser, not so much.

Your feelings of invisibility are completely understandable to me, and I believe this is another area of intersection between us. I know some here think that I believe you are all trans women in denial. I do not feel this way. I know better. Being a CD is a thing. You folks are real, and your reasons for doing what you do are every bit as valid as mine.

People get sexual orientation stuff wrong for transgender women as well. We're working on it. We really are. When I do education work, I always discuss the differences between gender expression (cross dressing for example) and gender identity (people who transition).

My hope is that more of you will stand up and be visible. I believe you do this Jennifer, and I respect you for it. I know how hard that can be.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Jennifer that is an excellent comment and Paulas follow on is thoughful..

the idea that there is confusion is better stated as paula does ..its just a default assumption.. cds are gay...tss are men that change into women... its too easy

the trick is communicating that intersection in a helpful way...every time Jennifer raises the CD perspective as part of what CJenner does it raises the spectre of CD=trans..
if you stay silent its a potential missed opportunity to further your interests...

not an easy answer..
everybody hates me for thinking there should be a bright line... instead of saying all TG"s want xyz...we should say all CD's and TG's and TS's want xyzpdqabc
we can be different and still be friends..and it would sure make it easier to communicate..

[Pat]

Because you may think it's just an indignity (for people like me, it is a death sentence), but think about it - you aren't a criminal, but people, serious people, are willing to arrest and try CDs for using a public facility, under the assumption that the only reason you are out end femme is to molest women and girls.

Bathroom bills are a continuing mystery to me. Every horrible outcome the people pushing them can come up with is already illegal. Assault (of all kinds) is illegal; exposing yourself is illegal, etc. The only thing left at the end of their litany is "and how am I going to explain to my daughter that she saw a man in the ladies room?" And actually it's pretty easy to explain (and my experience with the younger generation is that they would probably patiently to explain it to Mom. )

[PaulaQ]

everybody hates me for thinking there should be a bright line... instead of saying all TG"s want xyz...we should say all CD's and TG's and TS's want xyzpdqabc
we can be different and still be friends..and it would sure make it easier to communicate..

Well, this is a difficult thing, trying to communicate and convey intersectionality between us.

I do not want to erase the identities of either CDs or those of us who transition, or any of the non-binary folks. These identities are real, and matter.

What I, and some others of us, are trying to do is get people to not worry so much about the differences between us, and to not make so many default assumptions.

So it's a balancing act. We don't want to follow the path of the gay and lesbian community, and focus the vast majority of our efforts efforts on the needs of a few well-off white people who are largely all alike in some way. The gay community has been guilty of this on a massive scale.

They have all but erased the needs of gay and lesbians of color, the existence of bisexuals, and until very recently thrown trans people under the bus at every turn.

We don't want to do that.

But we also don't want clueless cis-hetero people cooking up dumbass mean spirited rules based on their imagined perceptions of us all.

I personally think it should be fine for a CD to go to work en femme, even if they never, ever, ever think about transition. So addressing things like that requires blurring the lines between us some, but in ways that recognize, and mention, our distinct identities and issues.

This is not easy to do, and I hope all here, including and especially you Kaitlyn, know that I respect you for who you are and how you feel.

[Jenniferathome]

..., I went to the capitol of my state to lobby against bills that would have put you in jail for a year for using a women's restroom while en femme....

Paula, I, too, marched at my capital building during the "add the words" campaign. Not because I'm a zealot nor a fighter for LGBT rights. I did it because it was stupid for Idaho to exclude a group that is as real as any other. If it was about gay rights, I'd have been there. Stupidity has to be called out. I'm a friend of anyone fighting stupidity.

Caitlyn Jenner will become a lightening rod for issues like restroom policy. Of that I'm am certain

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

I've recently read a couple of articles that specifically discuss the need to update U.S. military policy to allow transgender people to serve openly without risk of being discharged. But the examples of currently serving TGs were all ones undergoing HRT or planning to transition. Until the media is willing to consider CDers and non-binary persons part of the TG umbrella then there will always be a missing element to the story. Of course that presupposes a CD or what have you is willing to open up publically to the media. I wonder if Isha would be willing to weigh in on this aspect?

[VeronicaMoonlit]

everybody hates me for thinking there should be a bright line...

Hate, no. But what people need to realize is that there isn't a bright line. Never was one, never will be one. It isn't individual boxes, but a continuum of infinite points with infinite variants clustered in some clouds of dots.

And because of that, we should focus on our similarities and not our differences.

Veronica

[PaulaQ]

Paula, I, too, marched at my capital building during the "add the words" campaign.

Caitlyn Jenner will become a lightening rod for issues like restroom policy. Of that I'm am certain

I remember you mentioning this before, and I really do respect you a lot for this.

We're safe here in Texas for the next two years because of the way our legislature works. A lot of us are worried about the backlash from marriage equality, and I personally fear much better framed, insidious, and dangerous things the states could do to make us miserable. I hope the world changes. I hope the big business community here in Texas lining up behind a traditionally Democratic cause forces the Republicans who've been sort of holding their noses and going along with the zealotry of a few in their party to wake the hell up. (Let's just say that big business in Texas has been pro-Republican for the past 30 years or so - this had to be a big surprise.) Time will tell I suppose.

The battle may heat up after marriage equality passes the Supreme Court, should that be the outcome, and people realize the absurdity that it's a perfectly legal outcome for someone to tell their boss that they were just married to someone of the same sex, and for their boss to tell them "Congratulations, how nice for you! You're fired!"

[Lorileah]

Until the media is willing to consider CDers and non-binary persons part of the TG umbrella then there will always be a missing element to the story.

Isha already has a post about the military and her allowance. Canada is one step ahead it seems on this. Also the US Air Force stated

"the air force said that among enlisted airmen, there was no outright grounds for discharge for anyone with gender dysphoria or self-identifying as transgender. An individual would only be subject eviction from the air force if his or her condition interfered with their potential deployment or performance on active duty.

There is nothing in the announcement that segregates transsexuals from CDs

OTOH

ender incongruence, where a person identifies with a gender identity other than what they were assigned at birth, is classified by the US military as a “psychosexual condition”

which it hasn't been listed in the general world for years

Now about the media...raise your hands if you are transgender...now define it...now watch how many here will argue your point. If WE don't agree how can expect the media to agree?

(And don't get into that argument again)

[IMkrystal]

Hi everyone:

I really do feel blessed to be a crossdresser, but sometimes I feel left out and misunderstood by all of the transwomen that are coming out in the media -- because they don't quite represent me. I have yet to see a man come out and just say "hey, i like to wear women's clothes from time to time". Perhaps that is the next frontier? For the crossdressers in the group, how do you feel about the representations in the media about transwomen? Do you feel it confuses others to think that you will transition? Or that you are really a transsexual?

LOL!! Did you see on CNN "Buzz Bissinger" who followed Caitlyn for months admitting to Anderson Cooper he crossdresses and feels because Jenner was aware of this, open the door to Caitlyn's story. DO'nt feel "left out and misunderstood" we are all part of the same cloth!