anyone else have this problem?

[Closeted Kat]

So, lately I haven't been on here as much as I was before. Not for any particular reason, i just find myself here more often when i'm looking for advice, feelings of common bonds through experiences, etc. I've been dressing for just under a year and things have gone from being scared to feeling comfortable to where i am now.
I feel plenty comfortable ordering things online for myself, I enjoy wearing the clothing as it feels comfortable, different, and enjoyable. I'm not much into makeup as i'm not that good and i don't usually dress long enough to warrant playing with it, except for perhaps painting my toes occasionally and attempting some nail art. however what has all of a sudden been getting me is that i can be enjoying myself but when i look in the mirror i see myself and things just don't look right. I'm sure the beard doesn't help, but i feel like i just look awkward.
I like how i look in male mode and i've had facial hair in some form or another such as goatees, mustaches with side burns, or beard for as long as i've been able to grow such hair so i don't really want to remove it. I'm just curious if anyone else hit this point and what got them through it. I mean right now my real option is just to avoid mirrors lol.

thanks,
-kat

[Crissy Kay]

You may try some kind of female mask. Or try some kind of scarf. Just anything to hide or cover your face hair, for a short amount of time. Good Luck!!

[NicoleScott]

You're caught in your own dilemma, not wanting to shave your beard but not liking how you look crossdressed. I have had facial hair at times and it did not allow a total transformation I wanted.
Women seem to be able to change hair style or color on a whim, but for me it was a big deal to shave my facisl hair off. But once I did, I kept a smooth face forever and I'm glad I did it. Give it a try, you can always let it grow back.
There are lots of CDers with facial hair.
Some CDers just like the feel of the clothes, but some like me transform for the look in the mirror.
Which desire compels over the other, the beard or a more feminine look?

[DonnaT]

however what has all of a sudden been getting me is that i can be enjoying myself but when i look in the mirror i see myself and things just don't look right...I'm just curious if anyone else hit this point and what got them through it.

I am me. I enjoy the clothes. I don't wear my wig or makeup, unless going out to a club. So, when I look in the mirror I see me, not someone else I may be trying to be.

Although I do like the wig and makeup, and have excellent makeup skill from artistic talents, I don't need them to be me. Donna is a name I chose, not who I am.

[Sarah-RT]

I'm not overly fond of facial hair, and I can't grow much though either but it's common for guys my age to sport beards so I feel like I want one, but I know it would ruin my dressing as I have to be as fully feminine as I can to dress.

I'm unsure if I want a beard to have one, or whether it's a way to avoid dressing because then I'd look manly.

I know that hasn't answered your question but perhaps you keep your beard for the same reasons?

[Dana44]

Oh wow, Kat, h'm I had a fu man chu. I shaved it off. I have facial beard four day growth. I shaved it for when I dress to go out. Hair you can always grow back. In fact a man with five to ten day beard was voted the sexiest by women who pursue them. But if you want to look female and try to pass as one. Facial hair... NO. Now for just messing around in the closet. No problem.

[sometimes_miss]

I went with the avoiding mirrors choice. There's no way I'll ever look even remotely like I want to look when I dress in female clothing. But from my own visual perspective, I look just fine. Pretty hair, pretty clothes, cute jewelry, nice nail polish, and they finally make girl shoes in my size. All I have to do is cover up two mirrors, and one with a frontal portrait shot of what I would like to look like.

[Suzie Petersen]

We humans often have an ability to see what we want to see. But sometimes other things in our lives make us less able to accept the flaws we otherwise might be able to compensate for with our "minds eye".

The choice to look in the mirror is yours. If you dont like what you see, dont look!
Give it a few days or a few weeks and it will likely change.

You know what they say: "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder!" .... go grab an other couple beers and you'll look just fine

- Suzie

[UNDERDRESSER]

I think this is why I've lost most of my interest in dressing "fully"

I don't believe I can look like a realistic girl without a lot of help, and even with that help, I don't think I'd look attractive, at least by my standards. On the other hand, I feel that I can look like am attractive man, in the right sort of skirt outfit.

Some of this is what we are used to seeing, for example, Conchita Wurst apparently has some admirers, and not just for his courage. I find his look, interesting, but far too jarring for my taste.

[Kari_B]

A few years ago I had a girlfriend tell me I should shave my beard off because it made me look old. To this day I have no desire to grow facial hair. Most women always try to look younger.

[alwayshave]

I have always hated facial hair. This dislike is unrelated to my dressing, just have always hated it.

[Teresa]

Kat,
Like most you need to dress at different levels, mostly I don't have the time for full makeup but do like lipstick, now days I feel as comfortable dressed as I do in drab ! I do tend to avoid the mirror unless I've done full makeup and wig but then I'm happy with my look .
I'm afraid I hate facial hair, I just couldn't do it , I know I'm going to look like a guy in a dress if I did !

[Kandi Robbins]

Had a '70's porn stache most of my life. Wasn't a problem when I was a closeted, neck down dresser.

I had an awakening last October, basically accepting who I really am and the stache was gone!

Lost the stache and enough body hair to cover the average bear and I have never been happier with how I look and how it feels to be freshly shaven.

My biggest issue is doing a close shave to get made up and go out. Since my upper lip went most of my life without ever being shaven, it really doesn't like it too much! It takes a few days to recover.

[Adriana Moretti]

maybe its your posture?? are you standing in the mirror like a dude ? All hunched over top heavy? i caught myself like that, strectched out my back a bit, corrected my posture, and was like ...ohhh...there she is....

[rachael.davis]

you have to decide what's important to you, no one here has a good viewpoint on what works in your life.

Facial hair existed when I was in deep denial, along with a massive number of self destructive habits. Once I had to come to terms with me, facial hair wasn't part of my life.
Your Mileage May Vary

[Jackie7]

I had a beard all my adult life until I came out 15 years ago, one evening I just shaved it all off. And took pix in the process. I'm also bald. These days, I shave most days and always when I am going out, but when I know my kids and grandchildren will be visiting, I let it grow for a couple of weeks and trim it neatly...until they're gone again. I also keep my head shaved pretty close, I mean my fringe. So most days, when I am dressing at home, I sometimes wear a wig and makeup, but just as often I'm a bald lady with big earrings and lipstick. The wig is hot and makeup is too much trouble, I'll just have to scrape it off. But I do like lipstick and earrings. And Imlove what I see in the mirror.

[bridget thronton]

You will do what makes you happier. I saved my tash off 5 years ago and do not miss it.

[cheryl reeves]

i keep a mustache so to seperate terry from cheryl,also my wife requested i keep it unless im going to fully dress. without the stache i look fem and thats why i dry shaved enough to grow one,got tired of being maam'd all the time.

[Barbara Black]

When I retired I decided to give a beard a try. I've always had a mustache. But I didn't like it, especially if I intend to use any makeup every again. So when I had the beard shaved, I had them go ahead and take the mustache with it. I'm still not sorry. I had skin issues with it anyway, but I am much more interested in trying to look good in makeup, the mustache was just a leftover from long ago, when trying to look older. And speaking of which (Kari B), even my wife, but not just her, said the beard made me look much older. The web site, "How Old Do I Look" confirmed it, by about 20 years. I'm finding out how much I dislike body hair altogether also. I keep shaving more areas as I go, including nicks and a little stinging, without any hesitation. I will find an epilator, laser, or a bottle of hair remover eventually.

[Bria]

I had a beard and/or mustache form 1961 until a year and a half ago, not to surprisingly it turned white. After I shaved it off many people said that I looked a lot younger, that bound to make a girl smile! Fortunately have plenty of hair and don't need a wig!

I would suggest that you shave and see how you like it, if you don't, let it grow out.

Hugs, Bria

[Closeted Kat]

thanks for all the replies. I think maybe i'm in a funk or maybe like adrianna said maybe its just posture. Since there are only a few mirrors in the house i'm sure i'll be back in the groove soon enough. who knows what the future brings!
-kat

[Tracii G]

Had a mustache and sideburns and or beard from about 1969 up until 2006 since "having made my great awakening" the facial hair has been gone and I don't miss it at all.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Kat,
Facial hair is a real hard thing to part with.
But it is also something that guys can do without,
especially us cross dressers!
A major part of being comfortable CDing is balance. You have to make the call, but...
Does your facial hair make you more of a man?
Or does it hinder you from enjoying your life as a CDer?
Up until about 2 years ago I had kept a bit of facial hair for the previous 12 years.
Any thoughts of CDing were quickly crushed by a simple look in the mirror.
I think you'll find that makeup is much easier to practice on a face that is free of
that tormenting hair.
Best of luck avoiding those mirrors!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Marcelle]

Hi Kat,

Unfortunately facial hair in some form, degree, thickness, fullness or whatever is a fact of life for us unless you go through extensive laser and electrolysis to remove it. When I first joined the military I had a moustache (common back in my day) and kept it for years until I decided to shave it off (non-CD related). Even after that, I sported a beard, goatee and whatnot for military reasons. I had a very thick beard until I started laser a year ago . . . now not so thick. Not to say I am clean as a whistle (far from it) as I still sport beard shadow (light on the cheeks but darker in the goatee zone). I admit it was a hard pill to swallow when I looked in the mirror especially since I spend a great deal of time at home dressed without make-up. However, as I grew to accept me I also grew to accept this is just part of me. Now I won't go out in public without beard cover and make-up (comfort thing) but around the house, it is not that big of an issue. My wife says it is akin to a woman who does not wear make-up around the home . . . she may feel better in public with her make-up on but at home it is no big deal.

Hugs

Isha

[Closeted Kat]

thanks for the other messages of support. Isha i like your story, i think if i ever did go out in public it'd have to go. I guess it just gives me a new perspective of looking at it. My beard isn't to be manly, its part that i'm lazy and part that my father looks like santa claus and i kind of follow in his footsteps and people see the resemblance right away when we are next to each other.