Just curious, Isha, I wonder if your superiors think they are heading down a slippery slope. First, permission to dress on casual day. Then male and female uniforms, so you can dress to match your gender de jour. Then growing your hair out while conforming to both male and female dress codes. When you request a meeting with your superiors, are they thinking "uh-oh, now what?"
Isha, Thanks for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experience again. We are complex beings, are we not?! Whether in male mode, or the lady mode. We are always changing a bit. Some times change is good, sometimes, not so good. We live and die by our decisions, like a country song said.
Just one comment Isha. I can be male, female or any combination thereof at any given time as I have made ALL of my feelings my own. What I look like to the outside world certainly doesn't define who I am inside and that is a spiritual person. By spiritual I mean nothing religious but that I know who I am, what I'm doing and where I'm going. I can play either role with equal aplomb and it's good as it's all totally based on my own choice. Works for me my friend.
Last edited by Kate Simmons; 06-16-2015 at 05:43 AM.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Hell-o Isha,
What? Causing panic with a thread title!
Short answer.....
Your a Gender Fluid person. I would think these thoughts are
normal. That first revealation though... YIKES WTF !!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I haven't read all the replies, and your responses.
I think you should just relax, (float in a pool?) and be you.
Much Love,
Kristyn
I smile because you are my friend, and
I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!
You are applying an American perspective to this. Why would it be a slippery slope? Many other countries allow transpeople to serve. The Air Force just made a position statement on this. If Isha is good at what she does, does gender really matter. Women are finally getting to fill combat roles and not just be support personnel.Originally Posted by NicoleScott
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Isha
First thing is that I support you no matter what choice you eventually make. You have shown so much courage in facing the world that you have earned that support. I love that you have been open and honest during the process. Many wait until they have it all figured out until opening up to the world. I love that you have chosen to educate as you go through the process. None of us really has it all figured out. I am sure the morning that I have SRS there will be questions of my sanity by my brain trying to protect me from a new life.
I have no preference as to what you decide.. All I wish for you is the opportunity to be free to be honest with yourself. I know for me that it just was so evident that I was me when en femme. It crushed me to return to my male role. At first I was so joyous to be out in the world that I didn't want to admit the pain of returning to my male mode. Then it was how could I really make all this work. Then it was so depressing to think I would have to continue as male. Finally, there was the realization that anything would be worth facing if I could be me.
So now I sit here writing this response after being on HRT for 2 months. I feel right for the first time in my life. I know this isn't the right path for everyone. What I know is that we need to be free to really weigh these choices. Isha you have contributed to making people more free to examine their gender and how to live authentically. I wish the same for you!
Your admirer,
Suzanne
Last edited by Suzanne F; 06-16-2015 at 03:16 AM.
Hi Annie,
Unfortunately, I am going to have to disagree as that is not how GID works. Dressing up may be a trigger at a young age or may be how those with GID first tackle what is an odd feeling (i.e., feeling female) but dressing in and of itself is not habit forming or else you could take a normal run of the mill dude (no GID) have him dress up for a time and all of a sudden he is going to start feeling like a woman . . . not likely. Now I am not saying that some who water here cannot just dress, put it away for a period and then take it up when the feeling returns but the one constant is . . . the feeling normally returns. That is the nature of GID for most who water here.
With regards to stop dressing and just be my normal male self . . . heck I don't even know what being a normal male means. Is that chewing tobacco, fixing trucks and boxing? This would not work for me because "normal me" is exactly as I have described myself, sometimes male and sometimes female. To stop dressing would not all of a sudden mask my female side into oblivion. Indeed, I would return to where I was a year and half ago, moody, angry, resentful and dare I say entering a very dark place in my mind. This is the nature of GID and not "pink fog".
Hi Nicole,
There is not slippery slope in my military. Even if I wanted to transition all the way, this is guided by policy and we have several Trans men/women serving in uniform. My superiors have just applied the principle of a current TG policy to my current situation (gender fluid).
Hugs all
Isha
We are as we are, but that is subject to change at any time and sometimes seems to change from moment to moment. This is a natural thing and, although pretty confusing, also pretty normal. People need to be able to define themselves to themselves and others, but have often been pressed not to do so for their own sakes and for the sake of others in their lives, so an assumed persona is often the result. This leads to a great deal of self confusion; often it is difficult to tell as these personae can become so ingrained as to be quite difficult to untangle and sort out.
Life teaches certain lessons and often the result is to become something you never were, or at least give the appearance of it.
I find in myself such a mass of contradictions but all of them serve to make up my being, such as it is and whatever feminine aspects it has are in the mix as well, so your uncertainty is a pretty normal state of being, in my view.
All you can do is see where it takes you; it would be a lot easier if we were omniscient, but all we can do is see a little bit ahead at a time.
ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!
"The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)
I'm a little confused here, if your employer has re-structured the work place policy and rules and you are planning a "fluid" presence wouldn't that cause a bit of concern for the other employees???? How can one complete the days work assignment(s) flipping from one gender role to another and then maybe flipping again. I can understand the need for self fulfillment and expression but to maybe, just maybe cause undue concern is way above me. If I were in your position I would definitely present as a woman. If on the other hand presenting as a male when in the work place and then presenting as a female when NOT working would be an alternative as well.
In any event my thoughts are with you and I congratulate you on your decision(s).
Molly
"To thine own self be true"
Hi Mollyanne . . . fair question
It is about choice and expression. They are not restructuring work place policy around me only applying the spirit of the current TG policy to me realizing that I am still gender fluid vice TS. As such, the same rules apply.
The hard and fast of things is that I can no more control when I feel female vice male or vice versa, than I can control my breathing. I most certainly could try presenting only male or female at work but on those days when I did not feel like that gender, it would be difficult to function. WRT to the other employees . . . well, we have had several education periods with the staff but even that won't get to every possible person I will have to interact with in my unit or the CAF writ large. However, and I do not want to sound like a D-Bag here, it is not my concern. I would not expect to impose my sense of how I think people should behave, present or act at work less it hurt my sensibilities than I would expect to have my own behavior dictated because people may feel uncomfortable. Applying that same logic then any of us who are day walkers should not do so just in case people may feel uncomfortable around us.
Hugs
Isha
Well, possibly, but in the 1950's gays "caused a bit of concern" for other employees. In the 1990's, trans people "caused a bit of concern."
The point is that people got over it. And I see no reason why people shouldn't be encouraged to just get over gender-fluid people. Way to go, Isha.
Isha, I really appreciate your perspective and wish you the best. Coming to this site initially from the black & white world, I still got the impression for a few weeks I wasn't maybe going to 'fit in' - I "saw" a lot of TS posts, and a lot of "all dude, all the time, attracted to GG's, just like dressing" posts. The older I get, the less I'm into binaries. Your level of introspection is resonant with where I am, and why I'm here, the community keeps expanding and getting more interesting the more I read.
Sometimes I feel like I'm about 6 still. People have been trying to understand themselves for years, and I've spent years repressing, or I think that's too stong a word maybe, just letting it be 'too inconvinient to take seriously in *my* life'...so now I'm feeling a bit of lost time...and trying to duck the pink fog overcompensation (...overcompensation? or do I really want more and that's what I'm not comfortable with? lol, time will tell).
The support here is amazing. I continually see two undercurrents:
1) Take your time, know yourself & where you're headed.
2) Be yourself, be bold, and don't let society tell you who you are or how to express that.
I think taken together, that is the best we can do at why we're all here, and leads to better experiences. I've located my local gender group, looks like a real solid community....now finding the time with kids sports and all the rest to actually hit a few meetings and meet some live humans (not that I don't love y'all)...
Summer
That was so well said and how I feel about you Isha. You really are a trailblazer and I hope wherever it takes you is a good place. It is always a difficult journey. I recently came out to my wife and was so relieved that she is supportive. For myself I see dressing as more of a fetish but my wife pointed out it is also an expression of a feminine side that is there and I agree. Everyone has their own path and it is nice that we can share it here among friends.
1st, let me say congratulations Isha for coming to terms with yourself. While we all use labels for identification purposes so there is a sense of direction or being, or perhaps clarity, I feel there is nothing wrong with using them. It helps us communicate and identify ourselves. Not that we need to box ourselves in with them.
What I take from your title is that you are no longer going to in any way attempt to direct yourself in terms of gender. Throwing in the towel to me means that you are now freeing yourself to be yourself, regardless of what that is, or where it goes. For that I do say congratulations on navigating this path which we all are on. Each one of us takes this path at our own speed, picks which lanes we need to, stops, slows down, accelerates, or just hits cruise control and enjoys the scenery. Hopefully with people and perhaps a partner who will be with us, supports us and just enjoys sharing the view.
To Jenny Elwood's post #30- While I often am outspoken in terms of what anyone does or should do in regards to dressing and other TG issues, and often I would agree with Jenny's line of thinking, here I make a departure.
To me, it does not matter where someone is on the spectrum. Whether what we here describe as TS, a full opposite of gender identity from assigned birth gender, to the very occasional thrill seeking or just having a little fun with occasional dress up. Wherever we are, we are not cisgender. That is what we ultimately hold in common.
Where I speak out is with members who deceive others. Who go beyond agreements without working through another agreement. Pushing limits when it is not necessary to do so, just for selfish reasons. To not think of our partner's well being in the process of being who we are.
Isha has demonstrated that she has met all the criteria of being utmost honest, with integrity and has shared everything with her wife. It does not matter where Isha or anyone else is on the spectrum, so long as they navigate their life path with honesty, integrity and authenticity.
We are all human, thus we will fail on occasion. Isha's efforts to live her life with those qualities I have mentioned above are to be commended. We cannot expect absolute perfection in ourselves or others, but of a true 100% effort and to better ourselves. Being true to ourselves is the best way to be the best person we can be, to others as well as ourselves.
Isha is doing nothing more than freeing herself from gender boundaries that she cannot and should not be or feel constrained by. She, like all of us do not fit within the gender boundaries society wrongly demands of people. Good luck Isha on freeing yourself to be yourself, whatever that may be.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
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