Are you delusional?

[Maria 60]

When my wife senses I need some Maria time she will tell me to go for ride, I agreed and I was a little in a rush when getting dressed and when I was done I looked myself in the mirror and went to kiss my wife before I went and she looked me up and down and then asked me in a very aggressive tone "if I looked at myself in the mirror" she started pointing out to me about the hair on my chest and legs and things weren't quite in place. She asked me if I was delusional when I looked in the mirror and maybe seen something's different. I don't know if it was because I was a little excited or just in a rush. When I went back to the mirror I then did notice excess hair on my chest and did notice a few things out of place. She then told me while I'm at home I can amagin that I am a beautiful women but when out that door I have to be realistic, even though I don't get out of the car I still should be convincing. Now I'm second guessing myself, I know iam not very passable but believe driving with a wig and makeup I look pretty good maybe I am living in a delusional world. This ever happen, you think you look great and then someone or a picture tells you different?

[Kate Simmons]

It doesn't happen as when I'm out en femme I have my own standards of "femme excellence". I have to agree with your wife in that respect my friend.

[Jorja]

Just tell the wife you were emulating Betty down the street.

[kimdl93]

I'd have to say that I am my harshest critic. When I look in the mirror it's a struggle to find some positive, and despite that I'm simply happier with my appearance than when I'm in male mode.

I try to be realistic. I've set a standard for myself that is blending in to the extent that I can and being content with being recognized as a transgendered person, so long as I'm accorded the same courtesy and consideration as other people.

My wife would definitely let me know if I was unpresentable.

[AllieSF]

Yes, I am probably like that occasionally. I like what I saw in the mirror during that quick final glance before heading out the door. Later, when I get home and look again, I am sometimes very disappointed in my poor eyesight, or is that my looking through my very rose colored eyes?

[Kelly DeWinter]

It sounds more like she wants you to be your best when you go out, Think of it more as a coach or drill instructor who wants you to be your best when you go out, but has pointed out the things you CAN get correct, What woman goes out with a hairy chest or legs ? Don'e be in a rush to go out, be prepared.

[Robin414]

I think she still 'sees' you as the person she married and can't see you as you are! I sometimes have the same problem...when I look in the mirror am I a woman or a guy pretending to be one? Image to me is important but attitude is as much so, even in guy mode I'm almost passable if I let myself be 'me' but for God's sake DO SHAVE!!

[Rachelakld]

Always, but I still get out the car and have fun

[Teresa]

Maria,
I posted a thread recently asking, "How far out are you ?" My family all know about mt CDing but none have actually seen me apart from my wife as a man in a dress !
I think I'm quite passable but I don't know how delusional I'm being and that's my worse fear that my wife and family would not be too kind in their opinion . Yes it would probably be based on not wanting a husband and a father to appear other than that, all I can say is time will tell , I can only rely on reaction to my pictures at the moment .

[Collette Z]

It's so unfair, the advantages that GG's have. From age 13 or so, they've been aggressively and smartly planning their 'look', experimenting and collaborating with their GG sisters.

We have so much more work to do, and so much less support. What you do with this knowledge, is up to you.

Personally, I prefer looking good to attempting passability. Your mileage may vary. Best of luck.

[Marcelle]

Hi Maria,

I am with Kim on this one as I am my own harshest critic. I hold no illusion (or delusion) that I look like a woman to anyone on close inspection but then again I also know I am not genetically a woman so I have to work with my current physiology to at least be presentable. I am transgender and that is what I expect people see. However, I do ensure if I am wearing particular clothing that I do a thorough check of any aberrant body hair and have my wife check for a second opinion. WRT to my face . . . well the kid ain't pretty by an stretch of the imagination but I try my best.

Hugs

Isha

[Claire Cook]

Hi Maria,

I think if any of us think we are passing as female 100% of the time then, yes, we are probably deluding ourselves. But I do my best to look and act like a female, since that is how I feel. Hairy legs and arms and chest hair (and facial hair) do not go with the image, so I'm shaved and my ears are pierced. This increases my comfort zone, and I think that when I am comfortable, others will be comfortable with me. Perhaps I am lucky having a smallish frame and a tenor voice, but it seems to work, as I've indicated in some of my posts. Do I think I'm a beautiful woman? Hell no. Do I feel comfortable presenting as a guy who feels good wearing women's (I mean my!) clothes? Hell yes.

But do pay attention to your wife if she has good advice about how you look. My wife and I do that for each other all of the time.

[MsVal]

Delusional? I suppose that I am delusional at least some of the time. I can even feel beautiful in full masculine apparel. However I know that it would be foolish to believe that anyone else shares my delusion. Before stepping out the door I look carefully and critically for flaws in my presentation. I correct those that I can, and attempt to hide the others.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Rhonda Jean]

I've been going out in public since I was old enough to leave the house by myself. Very skinny, long hair and good at styling it, decent at makeup. I literally never knew that I didn't pass unquestionably until I was about age 23-25. I was married, wearing my wife's clothes, out on a Saturday doing what I'd already been doing for years. I walked into McDonalds, and the girl behind the counter obviously read me. I was surprised and scared. It was the first time it had known I wasn't as convincing as I thought. I literally had no idea how she knew. After that I'd go into a store or restaurant crossdressed and return some other time in drab and ask if they'd read me and if they had, what gave me away. Of the ones that had read me, I got various answers as to how. Voice was the most common. A couple said they didn't know how, they just knew. One told me it was because of my hands. What? My hands are average size for a woman, and I had long polished nails! Never got that one.

Thing is, I studied and studied myself in the mirror and absolutely could not see it. What this did was cause me to amp it up to a degree that made me less passable, not more. Shorter, tighter dresses and skirts. Higher heels. More makeup. I remember an electric blue spandex minidress. Figured I be so outrageously feminine that nobody would question. Didn't work that way.

I don't think I've ever been my own worst critic. Sometimes I could have benefited from a bit of constructive criticism. Delusional? Guilty.

[Dannigirl]

Absolutely, I look in the mirror when I am ready to go out, fix the hair one last time. Then, I remember I should take some pictures but I make the mistake of looking at them and then think to myself, who the heck am I kidding and where did the hot chick I just saw in the mirror go. But, I grab my purse and head out anyway and still have a great time.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

stick with how you feel about yourself..do you feel good? right? at peace?? that's what matters

surely its possible that people see you differently but this is about your feelings about yourself and your own enjoyment..

don;t let anything get in the way of feeling good about yourself or what you are doing

[suchacutie]

I don't think it's an issue of delusional, but it is an issue of what we need to do to create the feminine "look" that we want/need.

When I'm transforming from male to Tina, there are hundreds of issues to be addressed. When there hasn't been much Tina-time for a while, I know I'll miss some things, or just won't be as successful as I might otherwise be. My wife brings a dose of reality and lets Tina know where she might improve her "look". My wife is the person who taught Tina to be a girl, so Tina is very comfortable with these loving suggestions.

The other side of the coin is presenting a "look" that just doesn't work. As has been pointed out, GGs work at their "look" for years and I've not had that long in total Tina-time (even though Tina's 10th anniversary is rapidly approaching), so external evalution is always very helpful.

So, even though Tina is incredibly critical, another opinion is always so very helpful.

[bimini1]

It has occurred to me that I don't look nearly as good as I think I'm looking. I once heard a pre op TS say its delusional for her to say she was a "woman". Even if you have the surgery and go all the way the most you could be is a transgender woman. Not just woman. I don't know if I agree with that. Folks like Janet Mock and Laverne Cox would say I was born female but "misgendered" at birth.

As a CD I no longer hold any delusions about the reality of what and who I am. You can put on all the make up, curves and clothes you have. You might make a mental shift, but there is no way your physiology is gonna change.

[CarlaWestin]

It's so unfair, the advantages that GG's have. From age 13 or so, they've been aggressively and smartly planning their 'look', experimenting and collaborating with their GG sisters.

We have so much more work to do............

Well, I'm delusional but that's part of the game. I rarely do makeup except maybe lipstick and sunglasses but, I predominately stay inside and generally entertain myself. As for your comment Collette, I grew up with sisters and always hung around while they did the endless hours of trial and error styling of hair and makeup. And I would wait for my mother at the beauty shop for hours. As a crossdressing male, I find the expanse of what women do for beauty to be vast. I would so love to take care of some things to make transforming easier. Ahh, the 'if I didn't work' paradigm. I would so love to get regular mani/pedi and hair appointments, FFS, pierced ears and permanent makeup. And, what the heck, breast and butt implants.



OK, I'm back. Yes I am often delusional.

[Tina B.]

I am delusional, at least at times, but then I know when those times arise, and keep a close eye on them. most of the time I am my own strongest critic, I have to be, the wife throws complements around often, which I do appreciate, but she is slow to criticize even when it is justified. She will, but not often, she doesn't want to hurt my feelings I think. But at times, I get a case of what is known as the dreaded PINK FOG, and all of a sudden, everything is seen through rose colored glasses, I'm prettier, younger, and more feminine, and everything looks great on me. Well that thought right there is warning enough that I'm in a pink fog, so I just enjoy the feeling, but don't really take it all that seriously.