Starcrossed legs

[dandy]

Sitting appropriately while dressed is something I've always had difficulty with. I'm a bigger person, so the traditional closely crossed legs posture of most women is something that I'm just not physically capable of. There's just not enough room to be able to cross my legs in a properly feminine manner. I try all sorts of different postures with my legs to keep them together, like the good ol' ankle cross or just trying my best to keep my ankles and knees together. But there's real physical discomfort -- it's a physical effort to keep my knees from drifting apart. I feel like sitting wrong is one of those things on the list of "instant tells." The only thing that I've found that really helps is wearing a pencil skirt (because it forces my knees together when sitting), which just ends up accentuating my distinct lack of anything remotely like a feminine curve.

Aside from the clear anatomical differences in women's and men's hips, is it standard for others that sitting in a "ladylike" way would cause enough fatigue and discomfort in the thighs and hips to keep you from sitting at all? Is it maybe a muscle memory thing from 30+ years of being able to sit any damn way I please?

[CynthiaD]

When you're sitting, turn your feet so the toes point toward each other a little bit. It will make keeping your legs together a lot easier.

[Alex!]

Keeping the knees together does require muscle tension for me, which means that after awhile, I get really tired of sitting like that. Crossing my legs is easier for me as it allows the muscles to relax. The flip side is that doing so sometimes causes one of my feet to fall asleep

I think crossing ankles, then moving the legs to one side, at an angle, might help.

[Sandie70]

One of the obvious things that makes keeping your legs together difficult is your "package." I have found that when I use a gaff (tuck) it is very easy to achieve a feminine stance when sitting and I don't have to strain to keep my legs together. But when I don't tuck, I find when I lean both my knees in the same direction and keep my feet together, my legs (knees) naturally stay together. This is a very feminine posture and you'll see GGs doing this all the time.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

I think Sandi and Alex have the best advice. Cross legs at the ankles and shift knees to one side. You will probably need to sit more forward on a chair than you are used to doing. I don't experience much fatigue when sitting with legs crossed at the knees, but I have a lean body and I've been sitting that way for most of my life, even in drab.

[docrobbysherry]

Big women rarely cross their legs at the knees. So, if u r a big girl u can skip that, too.

As for myself, a 70 year old guy who began dressing in his middle 50,s, I have no problems crossing my legs at the knees or sitting with them together. Of course I don't have weight, physical issues, and I always tuck.

[Katey888]

Hey Dandy,

You're probably right about the muscle memory and habit thing - it's a hard one to shake and requires much concentration to maintain appropriateness! The ankle cross has to be the easiest - I don't have a problem with crossing and hooking a foot around (photo evidence, last couple pics here ) but I know I have flexible hips.

Look, GGs all have different degrees of flexibility too... they might be more flexible generally than men, but everyone can find a suitably elegant way to do this simple thing - practice, modify, observe, practice some more and feel comfortable.

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi there,

As others have said, don't sweat it too much as I know many women who do not cross their legs due to hip issues, discomfort or just size. I believe the ankle cross with knees shifted to one side will most likely give you a bit of comfort and still achieve a ladylike posture. You are correct that there are differences in male/female hip structure but it also comes to down to flexibility and some men can achieve it while others cannot just as some women can achieve it while others cannot.

Hugs

Isha

[Sarah-RT]

I find I must force my legs together when sitting although I do find myself crossing my legs unintentionally now which I have to stop myself doing in male mode where it would look out of place.

I find its my hands I have a tougher battle with as I'd normally fold my arms or place them on the arm rest as if on a throne. Placing my hands on my knees or legs is a very forced motion,it's easy to play with your hair to keep up the illusion

Sarah x

[Tina_gm]

Most men have more muscle mass in their legs, along with a slightly different anatomy which tends to make leg crossing at the knee not as easy as it is for women. Men with less muscular legs can achieve this much more easily. I am fortunate I do not have the thick muscular legs of many men, and for me, crossing them at the knee is not only easy, but also among my most comfortable ways to sit.

As others have said, larger women due to their size also do not cross their legs at the knee. I would suggest not attempting to sit in ways in which are not comfortable. If you go out in public and attempt any body position which is generally difficult or uncomfortable, you will end up looking more awkward.

[marsha leanne]

i have never been able to cross at the knee. I have always had to cross the ankles and pivot the knees to one side, then tuck the ankles under the chair. Even then, there is a gap, however small between the legs. a skirt or dress tucked down between the legs does the trick.

[Heidi Stevens]

Hey Dandy, like a lot of other things, practicing how you sit will help you when you need it. I went over 50 years sitting with my legs crossed in the familiar male "figure 4" (rt. ankle on lt. knee and the opposite). The past 5 years or so I made a conscious effort to cross over my knees. After a couple of years of "training", I now unconsciously cross my legs like any other woman would. Believe it or not, doing my legs in a figure four now feels weird !

[Vickie_CDTV]

Some GGs cannot cross their legs either, cross them at the ankle if you can. If you are sitting at a table with a long tablecloth hanging over, after you sit down you can put your legs under the tablecloth and sit however is most comfortable for you. If you can't cross at the ankle for whatever reason, wear a longer skirt and when you sit down grab your skirt in front on the sides and gather the material between your legs so you don't show anything. I am in the same situation, it is impossible for me to cross my legs at the knee (legs are too short and thick), and crossing them at the ankles in heels can be stressful (in the muscular sense) after a while.

[dandy]

Thanks for all the feedback!