Wow! That's very interesting and very well written!Originally Posted by KellyJameson
Maybe after all the struggle, the best way to get accepted by your spouse is to MAN up and declare to world proudly your embracing of femininity. The world will respect and accept you for that. That's exactly what Caitlyn and Isha did. That starts to make sense.
Thank you!
Sorry to say, Teresa, but your post is just as tired as the many others I've read here and everywhere else over the years.
"We should say this and do that. We should be equals. Bla, bla, bla."
In reality, this has little to do with cding or reality. Here's reality the way I see it:
Most marriages end in divorce. And, many others stay as roommates but the love and sex r gone. Marriage is an obsolete institution. Few of us marry someone compatible for the long run. Then, we spend the rest of our lives trying to make the best of a bad situation. All the compromising, limits, rules, and other nonsense is simply ways both couples sweep the garbage under the carpet to avoid the unpleasantness of separating.
In my eyes, both u and your should be ex r cowards for staying together. My goodness! You've only so much time and you're letting it slip away! Wake up and smell reality!
Last edited by docrobbysherry; 06-22-2015 at 12:32 AM.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Sherry,
My intention wasn't to sit here and think about something that bores the pants off you , you don't have to read and pass comment over something you've read time and time again ! As I said at the start it just rankles me that the situation keeps happening , we shouldn't really let it happen when it's over something we can do nothing about, we shouldn't be made to feel like children over it !
KellyJameson,
That's an interesting reply. If you've seen some of my earlier threads you would have seen how much I tried to bury my feminine side, I worked so hard over the years I guess in denial, it's only since joining the forum a years or so ago that I realised things had to change. I feel I've earned the right to be who I am now, there's plenty of male side left but I finally want to get my identity in balance, being treated like a child is not part of that deal !
Teresa, staying married because your wife needs you more than she will admit is not a good reason to stay in a marriage. Why does she need help from you for the sake of your children and grandchildren? Again, this is not a valid reason to stay married. Your posts always seem to be searching for some reason not to break the umbilical cord. Sure, divorce will bring a lot of uncertainty. The reason you seem to want to stay married runs parallel to the reason people stay married for the "sake of the children." "For the sake of the children?" To watch mom and dad suffer together and waste their lives for "the sake of the children" only makes the kids suffer. It wouldn't surprise me if your kids are thinking "Why in the world are mom and dad staying together?" Sometimes you make it sounds as if you're a martyr by staying married for the sake of your wife. Or, maybe you subconsciously want to make your wife suffer. If your description of your relationship is true, she sure the heck is doing her part for you to "jump ship." Maybe you need a "trial" separation to see if you and your wife can live apart financially. Is it possible since she is still working that you cannot live apart from her because you're dependent upon her salary? If you live apart or divorce will you have to rejoin the 9 to 5 work force? Will she have to postpone retirement? You realize, if you were to drop head tomorrow, she would have to deal with the financial consequences of living apart from you unless she will get a lot of life insurance.
I hope in thirty years your kids don't stick you and your wife in the same room in the same nursing home.
Teresa,
Call her bluff... You wear the pants in this relationship, now wear the frock when you want...
Consider an adage I've come to respect more and more; 'think carefully, are you going to regret what you've done or regret what you haven't???? You only get one chance to be happy...'
Carpe Diem
Call me Donna, please
Call who's bluff. We have two people that have different agendas. We only get to hear from one party.
Teresa you are suffering from a condition where you have aNEED to express yourself. You know deep down you can't control it or even suppress it. Doing so causes extreme mental anguish. Sherry put it succinctly. Your situation is really not different than an individual that has to transition with an unsupporting spouse. Your choice is to continuing to deal with the mental anguish as you suppress your identity. Or separate and go your own ways and live in mental peace. The latter path will at least give you a chance at inner peace. Be aware that inner peace and happiness can be at odds.
"When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes
"Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation
"A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W
Sherry,
Wow! You are incredibly cynical! Of course, I agree with you 100%.
Teresa,
Have you both sought counsel? My 1st wife [ deceased ] thought I was some perv until she told her therapist....I was called in....asked questions....and my wife was told this was not going anywhere and not a joke. it truly brought us closer together. if it does not.... then your happiness must come first.
hugs
niki
Well, they might not 'get it' when you initially tell them, but they soon have to live with something like it AFTER you tell them. A lot of us simply don't understand how sexual attraction works, and how easy it is to screw it up. Women especially can lose the sexual desire for a guy when you mess around with what turns them on. For a some of us, our SO's have to somehow resolve the problem of wanting to remain faithful to the promise of loving us no matter what, but then having to deal with now being forced to face something about us that is a huge sexual turn off. Most men don't get this; for most of our lives, the testosterone fuels our sex drive to such a degree that once ignited, NOTHING will turn us off. Over the years I've been treated to tales of guys who continued intercourse with women who were actively vomiting or defecating. Women aren't like that; not at all. So after we 'break' what attracted them to us, they have the 'pit in their stomach' trying to reconcile how they feel, with how they believe they 'should' feel.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Sometimes_miss,
If you check some of my threads in "loved ones" section you will find more of the facts of our intimacy, I do realise I may have said too much in this open section so I'm not going to repeat it here .
It's understandable that your wife wants the man she married. And it's understandable that it bothers her to see you prancing around in a wig, fake boobs and high heels. You feel like it's natural, she does not. Any relationship is a compromise. We don't always get our way on everything. You seem to be at the point where neither of you is willing to compromise. It might be that it's best to go your separate ways. That's life.
You can try wearing your women's clothes around her and see what happens. She might accept it, she might yell at you and make fun of you or she might pack up and leave. You are in a better position to guess the results than anyone here.
Why don't you try it gradually - Start by wearing panties every day. Then add a bra and blouse but no forms. Then start stuffing the bra. Wear women's flats. Work up to the full presentation over a period of months or even years. And keep it indoors and to yourself and her. Don't answer the door dressed.
Best of luck.
Teresa, in terms of "deception" going both ways, I agree but only up to a point.
There are certain types of deception we are prepared for in life, others we're not. In the end in a REALLY close personal relationship it's better to see as many of these disappear as possible.
This issue is one in which most of our SO's are entering into completely unprepared. The advice to be understanding to your SO and to listen to them a bit, is especially important in couples that have been together for MANY years before this comes out, and where marriage and kids may be at stake. The reason being that emotionally speaking you both have to be sympathetic to each other.
On that I agree with Isha though, with that said there is a lot of potential (and some stories of it happening, including mine for a while), where the SO starts using fear in order to LIMIT you, not as a rational guide, for selfish reasons. For me it never went to an extreme so I really can't complain too much but I saw it happening and was open about that too. She raised all hell saying she didn't know how it made her feel, and I kept telling her that I did, but that apparently she still couldn't comprehend why I was pushing for it anyways.
It's sort of disappeared for now, but I'm not 100% sure it's really resolved.
It rankles me too....that so many here don't see it as a trust issue allowing your SO the right to CHOOSE before you get in deep if they want to date you or not. I think it is blatantly obvious that most women don't like the idea, so not telling them is deception. Be that as it may, I was on the opposite side of that fence, where my SO kept things from me for 15 plus years. If there is ANY chance that your secret, when revealed later, will destroy the trust you have built in your marriage, why not avoid that early? Anger over not being trusted is stronger than anger of being told.
You put the onus on the men, but trust me, outside of this forum secrets on either side can destroy marriages. Ignorance may be bliss but finding out, especially from another source, hurts badly. You say you aren't going to be treated like a child, and yet that is EXACTLY what you did to her by not allowing her the ability to decide BEFORE you built a relationship.
I pray no one here has to suffer finding out a something about their SO that maybe would not have changed their feelings toward you 30 years ago, but cuts to the bone now. It took me a year to reconcile mine (and as you can see from this, there is still a scab). You don't want to be treated like a child? Act like an adult and be HONEST.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Lorileah,
I tried to answer that in #5 and #22 .
I married young and we were both possibly naive, as I said my wife knew some of my exploits as she knew my previous GF! Otherwise she was very inexperienced with men and possibly not open minded because of her upbringing , also at the time I didn't realise that CDing was a problem because of having two relationships that worked fine with it !
Noted, most members here are from a generation where be TG was taboo. I get that. But the point of the quote I used you stated that men took the brunt of the honesty thing. That may be true here at CD.com, but this is a small island.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Lorileah: Good point. Look at Feminist movements and claims, and generally the claim is the opposite.
Hell we even still read the Scarlet Letter in school which is somewhat about the subject. Adam and Eve is another example. There are even stories that appear to be false where the woman was being deceptive, that have gained urban legend status:
http://www.snopes.com/media/notnews/uglybaby.asp
Hey there Teresa, I don't really know you or your relationship with your wife, but I have read a lot of your threads and you have commented on a lot of my threads. From your comments and reading your post I could tell you are a real common sense person and you come across to me like a person who is willing to compromise for what you want, and that's what makes a relationship work. I believe you have read that I told my wife one week back from our honeymoon, surprisingly she was good about it. The problem came a year later when Maria was excelling at a fast pace, and maybe she thought it was a fad and was going to stop and told me maybe she shouldn't have gave me the green light. I told her green light or no green light this isn't a joke this is for real and it is who I am and it's not going away and I can't change who I am. Not having any children yet and telling her how much I loved her, I told her I can change other things In my life and I was willing to compromise but I can't and don't want to stop and if she wasn't willing to work things out she has a big discussion to make. We both drew lines in the sand and that was almost thirty years ago. I believe if I didn't play that card I believe I would be in the same boat as you. By no means has it been a smooth road we patched a lot of bumps along the way, but after all that is a relationship working things out and making sure the other person is happy and not be selfish. I only wrote you this because I can't really comment on your problem because I don't know you or your relationship but if the relationship is strong it should work out. I am afraid you are going to have to show your teeth a bit and maybe get a little aggressive and see what comes out of it. It sure can't get any worse. I believe giving my wife that choose was the changing point. I hope it All works out nobody wants to see a relationship end and most of all I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
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