Terrifying to be a Female?

[Alexa Lynne]

Has any T-Girls thought about being a female? I know I have. Sometimes, i get scared, due to all the perverts out there. My biggest fear of becoming a female is getting raped or killed. Does anyone else have that feeling or ever thought about something like that? This isn't meaning to scare anyone, but it does happen.

[arbon]

Hi Mackenzie,

First I would like to suggest you not refer to us as T-Girls, it is really not an accurate or polite way to address the women here.

This is a transsexual part of the forum and many of us have transitioned socially and physically as much as we can. We are women.

To answer your question Being read as trans is what scares the crap out of me most the time.

[Frances]

It's not because you're afraid that you are in any danger. Being afraid is psychological condition. Men are four times more likely to be physically assaulted anytime they leave the home.

T-girl is a term created by the porn industry.

[Alexa Lynne]

Hey arbon. I didn't mean any disrespect. My apologies. I like to use abbreviations on some words, and "transgender women" is one of those I do apologize though.

[Lorileah]

Every TS in the world has fears either before during and may after starting the journey. It's normal. Being raped and killed is a good fear to have as it makes you be aware of where you are and who you are with.

It may be a good time since you are new here to look in the MtF section at definitions so you don't stumble again when you post. I have not read your profile but are you a TS? Or have you thought about what you want out of the site?

[Alexa Lynne]

Hey Lorileah, I'm a Transgender Female. I am new here. Only been here a few days.

[LeaP]

Frances - interesting comment.

The concern for safety is well-taken, fear or not. Trans-women come in for a disproportionate share of LBGT violence. I know someone who was beaten unconscious recently.

[Starling]

Earlier this year I drove all day as myself to visit an old lover who knows and accepts my gender identity, and as I neared her condo at ten o'clock that night, I got lost in highway construction detours. I called her from a deserted shopping center parking lot and asked her to drive over and lead me to her place. I waited for what seemed like forever in that godforsaken parking lot, so I called her again in a panic. She told me to calm down, she was on her way. Then I told her I was presenting as myself.

"Oh sorry, I understand," she said, and made a beeline to rescue me. That's the first time I was ever scared to be recognized as female, and I got a good taste of what it means to feel like a target when you're in unfamiliar territory. I was probably overreacting, but the feeling was very real.

Lallie

[BOBBI G.]

I have heightened awareness every time I step out of my little sanctuary. Going to my mailbox is a head rotating event. I have taken some steps to assist in my safety, and hopefully, soon I will be taking some sort of self defense classes. Am I paranoid, a little, but mostly, I just want to be prepared for the worst, and still hope for the best.

Bobbi

[rachael.davis]

My GI therapist made a comment on the order of you should be nervous - You're moving away from male privilege, and probably aren't going to be offered standard women's courtesies

Situational awareness, and common sense are my bestie buddies in the world

[Dianne S]

I'm not usually nervous, but it depends on the situation. I get slightly more nervous after dark than I would normally be and I avoid potentially-unsafe situations. Just like any other woman out there, I have to use common sense.

[jigna]

Just avoid going late nights n lonely areas.

[Melissa Rose]

Am I terrified, afraid, scared, etc.? No. I work at a domestic violence and sexual assault agency so I know what horrible things can happen to women (and men) in those regards. While I have the benefit of training, it does not change my, and the other women I work with, attitude of refusing to allow others to compromise my feeling of safety and well being. There are always risks of being out in the world for everyone, and I am more concerned about other risks not because of or related to my gender. It does not mean I am reckless, careless or make myself an easy target, but I do not walk around being afraid because I am a woman.

[Robin414]

Yes! Being a man has some benefits for sure, and so does being a woman but the awkward in between part is scary as hell sometimes! My greatest fear when presenting as a woman is being approached by a guy! Just a couple nights ago I was at a park and a guy walking his dog said Hi, I politely waved and went back to my reading and he came closer to start a conversation! I lost it, I'm working on voice training but I'm not there yet and came clean and actually told him I was a guy!!! It was an upscale neighborhood and my spidy sense told me he was harmless and he was completely OK with it but YES it's scary sometimes! On the positive side though I believe confidence is the key to self acceptance and scary experiences do build confidence! 😥

[Promethea]

My GI therapist made a comment on the order of you should be nervous - You're moving away from male privilege, and probably aren't going to be offered standard women's courtesies

This. Back when I presented as make I used to look at people in the eyes when walking in the streets. Most women wouldn't make eye contact and that made me feel slightly upset, wondering why they would be afraid of me.

Now I understand them... I'm afraid of what any man may feel invited to say or do to me if I make eye contact, and this is of course made worse by the fact that I'm visibly trans.

If I'm alone I avoid places and streets where previously I would have just worn my Bruce Willis face.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

This is one of my major areas of concern as I contemplate whether or not to truly become more feminine. I've never been afraid of anyone in my life. If I lose 40 or 50 lbs, much of it muscle mass, I will obviously be less imposing even when in my normal male attire. I think it will be worth it, but it's hard to let go of that power base.

[cheryl reeves]

muscle mass doesnt mean a thing,i dont look like i have muscle mass and even being disabled i could pu 200 lbs if i had too. my wife worries about me when im out dressed i keep telling her not to worry i can still take care of myself. being aware of surroundings goes along way in keeping one safe. my problem is i dont scare,when im jumpy thats a sign to be nice to me,for i scare myself so i to jump start the adrenaline,for im an adrenaline junky...

[Angela Campbell]

I never "became" a woman. I always was one.

but yes, you have to be careful where you go and who you talk to.

[CarlaWestin]

If I were attacked or assaulted while out dressed, they would quickly discover that the skinny girl with the nice tits is actually an Irish boy that's going to kick their ass. To a moron, there's no worst an insult than to get beat up by a guy in a dress.

[Krisi]

You are thinking about things that genetic women have thought about all their lives. The difference is, they have no choice. If this is affecting your decision to transition or live as a woman, maybe you shouldn't.

Realistically though, the percentage of women who are raped is very low considering the entire population. You can minimize your chances by doing what most genetic women do, stay out of bad parts of town, don't go out alone late at night, don't go to bars alone and pick your company and those you hang around with with care. And watch your alcohol and drug use.

I'm sure you can find hints for female safety on the Internet with a search.

[stefan37]

Carla, while in theory that sounds like you can handle yourself. There are many situations where you would have no control over. Recently there was a situation where a member was out and got beaten up. This member was a special forces soldier and still was beaten.

I didn't give 2 thoughts to my danger when I was living as a male. Since transition and hormones. My strength has diminished and also my thought processes. I take more precautions and I am constantly aware of my situation.

[Dana44]

I know the feeling, yet as a male undercover LOL. I can protect ourselves. Yet I do try to stay out of areas that might be dangerous. It is a dangerous world out there for male and female. So common sense is the best way to plan things.

[Nigella]

Whilst comments from CDers are welcome, please remember this is primarily a discussion on how Trans Women feel about the real possibility of being a victim. We have made a conscious effort to get rid of the T from our bodies, we don't need a T fuelled debate on how a "man" would handle it.

[Lori Kurtz]

I'm a CD, not transsexual, so I hope I can be forgiven for offering this insight here based on my own experience. One aspect of going out in public en femme was quite an eye-opener for me. My body is not large for a male--I'm only 5'7"--and yet in male mode, I have very rarely felt any kind of fear for my own personal safety. But in female mode, I felt surprisingly vulnerable. I'm sure that sensation was heightened by the fear of being "caught" as a man in a women's clothing. But I hardly ever went out in the daytime--counting on darkness to help me pass--and I tried not to get too close to other people. So I think my fear sensation was probably similar to what a lot of women feel a lot of the time, and it helped me feel a new kind of sympathy for GGs.

[Ann Louise]

I try to maintain 360-degree awareness around me when I'm out in public to minimize any surprises, and am on guard when in stairwells, elevators, and parking garages. And yes, of course we're talking about men acting as the aggressors. While many men are quite nice to me in general when I'm out and about, there have been several so far who were rude and pushy, and I can tell that if I was alone on those occasions things might have gone very badly for me. Watch your back.

And while I'm here, I would note that "T-girl" is the type of label I would expect to see applied to pornography. Please don't bring verbal trash like that to safe spaces like this, okay?