Therapy

[CarlaWestin]

Good old therapy. Been there a few times myself many years ago. As it applies to transgender, I could justify a program of therapeutic guidance for someone who is transitioning. But, I can only conclude that seeking therapy for crossdressing seems to lend a hint that one believes that it's not normal. Like the real issue is self acceptance. Early on when it dawned on me that I was a crossdresser, I looked back at the nonsense that I had heard from so called therapists. It's excess baggage to carry through life, it's not socially correct, it's your mother's fault, etc... So I occasionally hear comments that some of us folks are seeking therapy to explain or cure their CD'ing.

Comments?

"Tell me about your childhood." (opening line from Thomas Dolby "Hyperactive")

[Suzie Petersen]

Therapy is not necessarily meant to fix the problem, but rather to help you live with it!

"House Therapy" will not give you a step by step explanation on how to remodel your old house. House therapy will just help you live with the fact that it is an old house, the doors and windows are sagging a little and it is not as pretty as the Jones's next door.
Oh, and House Therapy might suggest you put a bucket under the leaking roof, before the floor is completely gone

I have never been in therapy myself, so I might have it all wrong. But, I did remodel an old house!

- Suzie

[Kate Simmons]

I never had a problem with the dressing itself. I went to therapy mostly to get ideas on how to address people who did like my family and friends. In the end my slogan became "Just always be yourself".

[Alexa Lynne]

So, when we are required to go to therapy to get the ok to take HRT, we are basically just taking therapy sessions so the therapist can tell us what we are getting ourselves in to? lol . . What would be the reason the therapist would not write off on it tell tell our doctor no he doesnt think it would be a good idea?

[AllieSF]

Carla, not sure how long ago that you had your therapy experiences, but today and into the future there is a lot more known and will be known about what we do. I believe that the therapy is usually geared toward how to live with it while clearing up past beliefs that it is wrong, dirty and everything else. It can help us clear up the confusion and see many things clearer. It also can help others around us to better understand who we are. I doubt that anyone right now can adequately explain why we crossdress, not even the experts in the field.

I have been to relationship therapy and if ones is honest to their therapist it can be a great help not only with the troubled relationship but also with others. It has helped me more after the fact than in that moment.

[Teresa]

Carla,
My counselling sessions proved very beneficial as it enabled me to see the benefits of coming out to my son, it was so good just to talk to someone and get some of the baggage off my mind ,the only down side was the chasm just got wider with my wife because I couldn't discuss the same things with her.

I'm still waiting for gender therapy, as my counsellor pointed out my mind is full of assumptions which just keep going round in my head, I need to break that situation . I'm hoping that I will get some answers to know what label I do come under ! I'm not looking for a cure or to blame anyone just some guidance of where I am on the gender line . My family know about my CDing but I don't think they understand the road I could be on and I'm not going to scare them unnecessarily until I have some facts and not something they may think I'm making up !

[Marcelle]

Hi Carla,

I think therapy can help some and may not be required for others. If dressing up is your thing and you are good with it, put it away and go about your way in life . . . not an issue and perhaps therapy is not necessary. However, when I first stumbled (more like tumbled) into the realization I like to dress up like a woman . . . massive confusion, shame, depression and whatnot. I sought out a therapist immediately in a way because I thought I might be broken and could be fixed. However, my therapist did not judge, imply I was broken or even insinuate I wanted to be a woman vice just dress as one. She worked with me, gave me a sounding board to vent to, bounce ideas off and slowly allow me come to the conclusion that perhaps my pathway was slightly right of CDing. I have been seeing her for over a year and I believe it is due in part to her, that I have come to accept who I am and have been able to integrate this part of me into my life. I will most likely continue to see her as things continue but as before she is there to guide not lead.

So I believe that anyone who is new to discovering this part of themselves can benefit from even a few sessions just to help bring order to chaos. Do they need to continue long term? Perhaps not, but it certainly can't help those who are confused, concerned or just out of sorts.

Hugs

Isha

[Nadya]

I go to therapy mostly to deal with the shame I have for myself and to sort out the mess of who I am. If a therapist wants to cure or find a reason for why people like us are the way we are, then they don't know anything about it.

[Badwolf]

I've been to therapy during lots of periods of my life, mostly because my mom thought it was good for me. Only recently did I ever go for dressing, and it was more for the relationship between me and my SO.

In the end I have noticed that therapists are very much dealing with their own issues as much as yours on many subjects, especially if they give lots of advice. Because of that and the way my mom always weighed the subjects (always introduced I had self confidence issues, not sure what she was talking about, I was always doing stuff she had no clue about and was confident about what I was doing). Because of that most of them always tried to "fix" my confidence because they believed that was a "normal" mother son relationship. They had no interest in hearing how little my mom actually functioned because she was sick. That I didn't explain stuff to her because I was normally unlucky because she forgot EVERYTHING except for what she didn't like. Even what she didn't like she'd sometimes forget because it was too much for her. She was trying really hard to do the most for me so I'm not particularly angry at her, but it was SUPER frustrating at the time, and I still can panic a bit if I see it happening again.

My mom finally sent me to a therapist that took me walking to get donuts a few blocks from his office that I didn't argue about, and eventually she gave up sending me to them.

Normally Therapists work BEST when all parties involved as treated as individuals, and everyone comes with similar goals in mind. With my SO, she kind of wanted to "fix me" or to make sure it was "ok", and on some level I wanted her to have someone she could talk to that would give her fair accounts of what this world is about. My mom had actually gone to a therapist that does quite a bit of Gender Therapy (but not exclusively), and I thought she hit a pretty good sweet spot so far. I can't tell if she believes I should transition or not, but that doesn't matter to me. She lets me speak for myself quite a bit in group sessions. Oddly enough my mom met her from a recommendation from family that doesn't know about my dressing on a diff subject.

[UNDERDRESSER]

There are terrible therapists out there, just as there are some stellar ones! If you are not headed into transition, then most good therapists will be working on ways for you to understand, and accept, that CDing is not of itself something to be afraid of. Also ways and techniques to live with it in as far as it affects your interactions with others.

Carla, it sounds like you had more than one who didn't understand gender issues at all.

[Tomara]

Therapy and my therapist helped change my life , I initially got a referal to see a therapist to help me figure out my relationship problems after my second divorce and as we worked through those issues a trust was established and I also learned that she worked with several people within the LGBT spectrum which gave me the courage to share my lifelong secret with her , she helped me to understand that it was OK to dress in any way I felt comfortable with , she helped me to talk about it and to share my dressing desires with others in my life , she helped me to accept myself , to embrace my feminine side and to become confident and comfortable with myself .

Therapy is a tool to help individuals help themselves , if you are not happy or you're struggling in some way and you want to help yourself I would highly recommend finding a suitable therapist , do some research to find a therapist who specializes in the issues you want to work on , if you meet a therapist and you don't feel comfortable find one who you are comfortable with .
Also keep in mind that you only get out of therapy what you put into it , it's not easy and it can be quite emotional , be honest with yourself and your therapist , in my opinion the results are well worth the time you invest .

[Katey888]

Carla - I'll just make a comment about what I think is an interesting distinction as to how the New and Old World describes this...

New World: Therapy - treatment for something implicitly bad or wrong

Old World: Counselling - advice and reflection from a third party to someone who is trying to deal with an issue

I think the second is much more accurate and realistic about what any form of psychobabble can do for us - and you're spot on about self-acceptance, and good general counselling can certainly help us with that.

Katey x

[Nikkilovesdresses]

It's excess baggage to carry through life, it's not socially correct, it's your mother's fault, etc...

They were not therapists. How on Earth did you come to see such charlatans? My experience of therapists (very positive) is that it's damned difficult to get them to say anything at all. And that's the whole point- it isn't about their opinions, it's about the client's.

[Amanda M]

Good, Nikki! As a therapist, I do NOT see as my job to be directive, to assume a state off all-knowingness and hide behind a piece of paper on the wall

[Dana44]

I can see where therapist can help on some people. I had to self analyze all of my life and have good common sense and am intellectually curious so I have solved my problems. My time with therapist came when I had to go with my old girlfriend. They seem to be people with problems themselves. I am living with one. It was pretty hard for her to grasp on a few things that I have thrown at her, yet I see that she does grow and that her training helps in situations. But hoot, many of our problems can be solved by self determination. Yet on transitioning, you need a therapist that is knowledgeable so they can help clear the path for you. I think there is no cure for CD's anyways.

[Sarah-RT]

I would agree carla, while we are all transgendered (a term I prefer to transvestite/crossdresser because it moves people away from thinking that its a sexual fetish or a perversion) we are still so diverse, for me I dont see a need for a therapist, it would be nice for a chat if it was free but ive found that as ive grown to accept myself the less I think I have a problem so I can be me with less worry. Thats not to say im naive, It is some form of psychological issue I believe, and not someones fault, except chemistry perhaps but ive grown to accept it and feel, at least for now and hopefully for the future that I have a handle on it.

With that said, we are all different and mental health isnt something to be taken lightly so for those still struggling it is an option to help

Sarah x

[ErikaS]

I am happy to see my therapist she is a sounding board on many things we talk about. I now know it was self acceptance I need to work through so it has helped me understand better.

Erika

[jigna]

i believe, this is just like counselling.

[AllieSF]

Katey,

I am not sure where you came up with those "Old" and "New" world definitions. I still consider myself to be in the New World (location and of the Baby Boomer's generation) and had relationship counseling/therapy (no hard definitions here) for a few years starting in 1984 and then again in 1999. I consider the terms similar enough and that they describe a process where a qualified third party assists their patients to deal with their personal issues, severe or minor. The process consists of questions to the patient, listening, more questions, suggestions on potentially helpful reading or home exercises, guidance and responses to their patient. Depending on the severity of the issue, the more detailed definition of each process and of the qualifications of that third party (counselor, therapist psychologist, et al) may come into play. I believe that a good therapist can give good counseling, and a good counselor can give good therapy.

[pamela7]

my golden rule is to not comment on my client's reality but to stick to asking more questions that emerge their own knowing from their subconscious. Eventually they are at peace within themselves and the world around.

There are situations though, where ignorance of a subject matter means people need sources of information. Good books, reference articles, and experienced others are what helps here imo.

There is no "one size fits all" type though. A number of folks here have suggested i seek counselling on my CD venture, and really I am prefering and doing well just on the forum and a few links here and there. The rest i have figured - inner peace etc. Nothing a bit of shock therapy can't do, lol.

[sometimes_miss]

Therapy is not necessarily meant to fix the problem, but rather to help you live with it!

^this. Until you know what's driving you to do stuff, you're going to be more likely to think it's got some supernatural cause and try to fix it with oddball things like spells, chants, bizarre sacrificial behaviors, etc.. There are still a whole lot of people who believe the desire to crossdress is a punishment for something, or that's its some kind of test to see if they can resist the urge.

[kimdl93]

Mmmmmm, I think seeking out therapy is not so much a judgement on normalcy as it is a recognition that the way we 'think' about ourselves is often unrealistic and often self destructive. One doesn't go to a competent therapist seeking to cure being transgendered, but hopefully, one goes to learn to accept and deal with the realities of life more effectively.