Shellshock

[Emma Beth]

As most of you know, I have been having some issues to work out with my wife.

Well, she's leaving me tomorrow.

No, she's not leaving me because of my GD. She apparently has been looking for a reason to leave for a lot longer than I knew and she found it in the form of my parents moving into the house due to their health issues.

Right now, I am feeling happy, relieved, heart broken, and sad all in equal measure.

Heart broken because of how long we have been together.

Sad is just there.

Happy because I feel like we have been drifting apart and I realize that she really has been emotionally abusing me for years and she's out of my life for good. I gave her the one and only chance she gets back when we were separated back in 2000.

Relieved to be free to travel down the path I need to travel.

I'm really in a great place for this. I have my family. They have been so supportive of me and everyone has assured me that they are here for me. Including my good friend that gave me my first makeover last night.

We have already worked out how we are going to handle the split.

In all reality, I wish her the best of luck in Oklahoma where she is moving to.

So, here's a virtual toast.

Here's to the future, may it always remain bright and hopeful.

Love,
Liz

[kimdl93]

Seems to me that you're better off without her. Enjoy a better life!

[Jorja]

Well I hate to see a marriage break up but it happens. It sound as thought this has been a longtime coming. Know that the sun will rise tomorrow if it doesn't rain. You have your family who love and support you. Take your time to grieve over this then get out there and really make it happen for yourself.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Then i will toast to your future Liz

I hope your quality of life gets better and better and best wishes for your parents health

[Ally 2112]

Wish all the best for you .I have been throu this and it does get better but takes time

[Bria]

Good luck as the future opens up, my prayer go with you'

Hugs, Bria

[Lori Kurtz]

And here's a virtual toast to you, for taking on the responsibility of helping your parents in their declining years, and to wish you the best in the new opportunities that are opening up for you to life the life you want to live.

[Dianne S]

Good luck, Liz. You didn't say whether or not you have kids, but if you do I hope they're grown so they're not really affected too much by the split.

I recently split from my wife under much the same circumstances. Except when it comes to my children whom I love, and would do anything to avoid hurting, I feel much happier.

[Emma Beth]

No Dianne, we don't have any kids. So this will be realatively "simple" for the most part.

[Suzanne F]

Liz,
I am impressed with your attitude. I hope you are now free to be you!
Suzanne

[charlenesomeone]

All the best to you, remember this is a great place to vent if you need to.
I do love your attitude as well. Enjoy life.

[STACY B]

Well if your Happy were Happy,,, Sounds like not to many assets to split? An that is Good,, No Kids gets better and better for you,, Now you don't have anything holding you back except YOU ! So time to get on with it an make the change you have been waiting for,, Long ride ahead,, Pack a Lunch,,lol,,,

[Eringirl]

Liz: Very sorry to learn about your separation. It is always sad when such a relationship ends. But, as others have stated, it sounds like you are in a better place. I do know a bit of what you are going through. I had a similar experience a few months ago when my wife left because of GD, and other things, as I found out that day. I had much the same reaction as you, sad for the end of a 30 year relationship, but relieved in some ways as this meant I had nothing left to stop me from transitioning. So, on that day, while a part of me did "die" a much larger and stronger part of me was born. So here I am today, living my life, on my own, and finally content with who I am and moving forward.

I wish you every success.

Cheers,

Erin

[Emma Beth]

Thank you everyone.

Yes, I'm in a much better place and I will be stepping out into the sun as it were.

I do kind of need to take it easy in some ways, but at least I have the complete freedom to move forward now. It will be a very long road, but I am a true member of my family. My family has always been a tenacious hard headed lot. We stick together and we are here for each other.

Right now I'm feeling tired from all the work of moving my parents in and the relief from my wife being out of the picture now.

I'm free to explore the parts of me that I never knew were there and parts that have been suppressed. I even have the prospect of meeting a guy that seems nice enough that I met online, but I will do that with extreme caution for myself. A girl can never be too careful. He's someone that I met recently and we have been talking. He has expressed an interest in me, but I made it very clear to him that I was in a relationship and we have been talking like friends for the moment. I haven't told him that my wife has left yet because I need to give myself some time first. I can't express the delight inside of me at possibly dating a guy and hopefully being treated like the woman I have always been on the inside.

However, I can say that a lot of good has come out of my relationship and its end. One, I know how to take care of myself better now. Two, I won't take garbage from anyone in my relationships. And three, I know I'm not alone.

I'm usually pretty good with words, but all of the words that I have used to express the relief I feel can not quite express my relief. If that makes any sense to anyone.

Again, my deepest thanks to everyone for your concern and support in this time of challenge for me. But I feel like that butterfly that is beginning to emerge from my own chrysalis. I feel the sunshine of my life and I am reaching for it so I can finally spread my wings and flutter out into the world.

[Emma Beth]

As I sit here, writing this. I am truly amazed at how much support I have from my Family. Especially since my wife left.

The other night my niece did my toes for me, my Mother asked me to do her toes for her sometime last night, and both my parents have been talking with me to help me work out the logistics of doing what I need to do for my well being.

I've met someone at work that I suspected was trans, but I was hesitant to say anything. Yesterday we were talking about my wife and I found out that she feels the same way about herself as I do about myself and we have agreed to kick back sometime with a beer and talk. Most people at work think she's a lesbian, but I now know the truth.

This week begins a week of celebrations on many levels for me. I can celebrate who I am. Celebrate another year of life with my Dad as he turns 70 today. The 4th of course. And the fact that it is summer and all that goes with it.

The only genuine rain cloud in my life right now is this congestion that I have from all the dust that was kicked up from helping my parents move in over the last weekend.

As I only have two more days in my work week, I look forward to my week of vacation next week. This is going to be one of my best vacations ever as I begin to express myself more fully.

[Rachel Smith]

Continue on your happy path Liz. You seem to be in a great place. When my ex and I split she told me she hadn't loved me for 20 years; who knew?

[Emma Beth]

Thank you Rachel.

I can tell that she still cares for me a lot. The other day we had to talk on the phone to work something out. By the end of the conversation, both of our voices began to crack with emotion.

I've had quite a few people ask me if in a few months she wanted to come back, would I take her back? My answer is a resounding no. We had been separated once before for about three months. Got back together and gave it our best and it still didn't work out.

I'm having so much more fun being myself; and even being encouraged by my parents to be myself; that for the next week, since I'm on vacation from work, my fingers will match my toes for once.