Supreme court decision effects on existing marriage

[Kris Avery]

All,

I'm just checking in and am wondering if the supreme court decision has made any of our SO feel better about being in what is a [now] a same sex marriage.
Mine was quick to point out her primary concern was spiritual in nature - not legal; therefore, the ruling of a court won't change how she feels in her heart.

I would welcome all comments, but was specifically looking for people in the following situation
(transitioning/transitioned in a marriage and it held together) has it been worse or better, or no change?

P.S.
Everything else in my life is cooking along, and I'll just say "I'm fine" and smile.

[Nigella]

The UK has, in the last couple of years or so, gone through the same situation. Same sex marriage became law, however, until late last year a TS had to get divorced before being able to get their birth certificate changed. The recent changes allowed a marriage to continue with consent from the "cis" partner. In our situation there was no difference in the relationship.

I don't think there will be much change to many decisions made, a couple will either stay together, or separate, as the case maybe, despite the SCOTUS ruling.

Our marriage would have continued, even without the legal changes, as I was not prepared to get a divorce for the sake of one piece of paper, it only defines me in law, but that is all. Our marriage means more to me than the piece of paper.

I sincerely hope that many more marriages survive because of the SCOTUS ruling, especially if it was a case of divorce or the "F" indicator.

[Michelle789]

The Supreme Court's decision legalizes same sex marriage in all states. Any same sex couple that wishes to marry can do so legally in all 50 states.

This has no bearing on the wives of TSes who decide to transition. When you transition, and your wife leaves you, it isn't because she legally couldn't be married to you. It's because she wants a man, not a woman.

In rare cases where the wife does stay with the transitioning partner, the wife has stayed even if they couldn't legally be married. They could still live together and maintain a relationship, or sometimes remain at least friends.

There is a difference between the law allowing consenting couples to marry, and whether or not a woman has an interest in being romantically and sexually involved with her partner who transitions from male to female.

If she's not romantically or sexually interested in dating a woman, than it doesn't matter if same sex couples can marry. She's simply not interested in being with you any more.

[PaulaQ]

It's nice for the couples who do stay together to be able to get benefits like insurance without worrying about a gender marker change making the provider balk. I know some folks this has helped.

[Jorja]

In reality, nothing about marriage will change because of the recent ruling by SCOTUS. The only difference being that same sex couples can now get married and have the same rights in that marriage as a man and a woman. That means gays will have the right to life insurance, medical care and medical coverage ect...

For example; The Aids epidemic in the 1980's. Many gay men were stricken with this disease. Their partner was not allowed to see them as they were on their death bed. If children were involved, they could be taken away to foster homes or to the parents homes even if your partner wished for you to take care of them. Any money such as 401k's investments, bank accounts were given to the parents even if your partner wished you received this money. The list goes on and on.

These are the things that are going to change.

[Kris Avery]

Thanks for all the comments.

What I was really asking was if anyone's SO felt more legally protected living together in an existing marriage when their transitioning partner is changing documents with a new gender marker - now making them a same sex couple; legally. Especially when you are living in a what WAS a non-marriage equality state.


I hope this clarifies what I was after.

[PretzelGirl]

We were married in Nevada and live in Utah. So we would have had the situation where our marriage was valid (Nevada recognized Marriage Equality), but living in a state that didn't recognize it. For my wife's viewpoint, it is about the love and she doesn't thing about the "technical details". I was more worried in making medical decisions, filing taxes, etc. So in a nutshell, it wasn't an issue to her because she would still have me, and for me, I did all the worrying.

[Kris Avery]

In my case my wife is/was also concerned about social security benefits and how LOCAL and STATE taxes might have been affected since we were married and live we live in a state with no equality prior to the courts decision.
This left us uncertain if locally we would be allowed to file jointly, etc.

For us, it is/was never a concern of love or acceptance.

[Kimberly Kael]

Over the long haul it's clear that the Supreme Court decision is good for us but in the short run my wife is still very much concerned about those who oppose same-sex couples. They're feeling very much cornered as their world view is socially threatened right now, which has already lead to some instances unprovoked violence. That said, the central complication for our relationship remains unaffected: she identifies as straight. So being perceived, even celebrated, as a lesbian couple is always going to be strange for her.