I came out to my aunt yesterday but not before agonizing it for like the entire day beforehand.
linked because huge
Now I'm left wondering if half the fear is just caused by analysis paralysis and over thinking all the potential possibilities that in all likelihood have no chance of happening.
But I'm lucky that this couldn't have gone better
Congratulations! And you're right about worrying for nothing. But sometimes you don't know ahead of time how it might go. I'm glad it went well for you!
One thing I have learned,, Most time the ones we Sweat telling are the ones that Surprise us,, The ones we think will be OK are the ones that Surprise us,,lol,,,
Just SAYING ?
We have been conditioned to accept "norms" and we worry about going against them. I once heard, not sure who to credit for it, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" or something similar.
Once we get over the worry of "What if" and open up, then fear begins to fade.
Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said
The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another
I am so guilty of spending way to much time and energy worrying about what people would think/say before I came out to them. I stressed for over a year and damn near drove myself into the grave doing it. With each talk I had it became easier and easier to do it and eventually the stress of worrying faded away.
Yes sometimes they react badly and it hurts but its the people that embrace it and you that make it totally worth it in the end.
I'm outta here...
I am very much a person that over thinks everything and always goes worst case scenario, but after telling my best friend it got a lot easier to talk about, she did have a tone of questions but those helped me more than I think they helped her.
i think it's human nature to worry about things that we know are not the norm even if they are not just in our social circle or setting. It's why find people that support you and you can truely let your guard down too are som import a to find and hang on to.
I think the thing that worked for me to give me the strength to go through every step was an exercise my therapist ran me through. I wrote out my transition plan , including who I would come out and when. Then from the the top of the list down, I addressed each one on what I thought would happen, what would be the worst outcome, and how I would handle the worst outcome. When I hit the last step, I started moving forward knowing I could survive the worst case. It doesn't mean it wouldn't be emotionally crushing, but I can do it. So I do feel being prepared for a negative outcome is a good thing because it might help buffer the blow and a person confident in handling outcomes, might be able to handle the entire experience in a better manner.
I remember the old adage: "Worrying about something you haven't done yet is like paying interest on a loan you haven't taken out."
I know I've been close to pushing a button on my computer that would finalize my coming out about everything... being a crossdresser, being bisexual, and being a "Firefly" geek (lol). But as much as I want to do this, I retreat into a morass of "what if?" - worrying about how many people will reject me or think differently of me.
The desire is there, but the worry is like a wall I haven't been able to break through yet. But soon... soon.
I was worried about telling my younger sister, not that she might have disapproved and rejected me, but I didn't want to hurt her. She was totally good with it, so I'd kicked up the acid reflux for nothing.
Hugs,
Leah
Be nice; It don't cost nothing.
Nigella, that quote is from U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
I kinda thought she'd be accepting beforehand, hence going with sending the "im a trans lolz!" picture instead of something more deep and meaningful.
"I am prepared for the worst, and hope for the best." Benjamin Disraeli.
Works for me.
Glad it worked out and went well for you!! Hope they all go as well.....
Erin
Seize the day. Life is short, and you're dead a long time...just sayin' ...
Worrying is okay of it means you will be prepared for some of the negative things that might happen and have a fix ready or a way of backing out. It may be as simple as thinking about what awkward questions you may be asked, and working on a good response to each, and memorizing them. That is a rationalistic way of handling it. Meticulous planning like that can help when you doing anything complicated for the first time.Originally Posted by whowhatwhen
I came out to my aunt yesterday but not before agonizing it for like the entire day beforehand.
linked because huge
Now I'm left wondering if half the fear is just caused by analysis paralysis and over thinking all the potential possibilities that in all likelihood have no chance of happening.
But I'm lucky that this couldn't have gone better
Like - - -A devout person may say, not to worry when you can pray about it, (as Edgar Cayce did say).
The problem is, when you keep coming up with more and more possible problems and become demoralized. Discussing it with a friend, with a fairly sympathetic ear, is maybe all you need so someone will give you a reality check, and stop the spiral into being depressed and hopeless about the whole thing. If you are talking to another person, you may be too embarrassed to keep plunging down towards being infinitely pessimistic. Talking to yourself, inwardly, there is no such safety stop to your worry.
When worry goes pathological, perhaps when you are a wreck anyway for various reasons, maybe you need to take a break from the whole thing and do something else absorbing to escape from your worrying.
In short, worry is natural and can serve a good purpose. Learning how to handle worrisome things, is also a useful life skill to work on.
Last edited by Beth-Lock; 07-05-2015 at 08:17 PM.
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Thank youNigella, that quote is from U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Add another one to this club, anything other than your worst expectations is a bonus
Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said
The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another
No, Roosevelt quoted, "I didn't inhale."Nigella, that quote is from U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Wait, maybe that was Clinton.
Ok I will run along and let the history buffs chat...
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
I think it starts out difficult, and gets easier as it goes. The first non-family member that I came out to was by email. It was really, really hard to hit send. His response was positive, so I sent some more, and some more.
We naturally assume the worst, and with each positive response, we lower our shields.
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