Thursday morning due to a change in my wife's plans I found I had most of the day to dress. I knew I had some jobs to do around the house and garden so I kept things simple and everyday in a lightweight pale blue v-neck jumper and navy skirt also opted for a comfortable pair of heels, no makeup or wig only lipstick and small chain necklace and forms.
I did my normal cleaning in the house then realised I hadn't watered all my large flower pots full of summer display flowers and they're spread all over the garden, the ones at far end being in full view of my neighbour's upstairs windows ! I started with the ones near the house and was about to cover up in drab to make my way to the distant pots, I just felt so comfortable no thoughts about doing anything out of the ordinary but tried not to click clack too much in my heels while carrying a two gallon watering can in each hand on the garden path . The neighbour's windows on one side are almost obscured by trees but on the otherside most of their first floor windows are visible. I just carried on as if it were a normal everyday occurrence for a guy to be wearing stockings with heels, a skirt and jumper with a little lipstick watering the flower pots.
Then the confusion set in, I've almost pleaded with my wife to let me be more open with my dressing, wanting to be a passable woman if possible and knowing to achieve it I would have to accept wearing a wig and makeup otherwise I'm likely to make a fool of myself and yet here I am comfortably going about my jobs dressed as a guy in a dress knowing there's a 50/50 chance of being seen by neighbours. I know I wouldn't do this if I felt I looked stupid ( which possibly I do !) so is it because I feel female enough to be comfortable in how I look ? Somehow I feel if I'd convinced myself that I should have only ventured out with full makeup and wig that I would have felt more stupid .
I really am confused by all this, what does my crossdressing mean to me ?