This is definitely something all of us feel at some point. I am a FTM cd, and today I went out in boy mode for the first time with my infant son. It was oddly depressing. I was so excited to buy myself a new outfit yesterday and I couldn't wait to go out in it today until I got to where we were going. Partly, it was because I was in a new place at an event that turned out to be rather underwhelming. But I really felt like everyone was staring at me and I was worried I was just ruining everyone's day. It was especially depressing because I knew I looked obviously female. This is not logical or reasonable, of course, but I felt really alone when all I wanted to do was go out and do something fun with my son.
So, I left that place and I had to collect myself, stop beating myself up, and go somewhere else that I knew would be more fun. Thankfully, it turned out to be an ok day overall. We all struggle with 'Is this wrong?' I've finally decided that it can't be. It's part of me. Anybody who really cares about me will accept it. They don't have to like it, but they can at least respect it.
Hugs!!
